Ready to react in fits of rage: sovereign silence and enjoy


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How do I behave when my opponent foams with anger? We will show you how to defuse the anger, protect yourself and ensure a strong finish.

Ready to react in fits of rage: sovereign silence and enjoy quick-wit-reaction-anger

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Here writes for you: Dr. Matthias Nöllke is SPIEGEL-Bestselling author and works for Bayrischer Rundfunk. Profile

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The "silence"

Overview

Silence and quickness, how does that fit together? Well, to the quickness also belongs that one can hold the mouth at the right time. But have we not always asserted that flawlessness breaks through speechlessness?

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Repartee makes you sovereign? And in some situations, it would be important to say anything at all? Well, that still remains valid. However, in some situations it may be better to be silent. This is not pure speechlessness, but a sovereign silence.

You decide when to answer

Overview

The "silence" is a very appropriate response to a rage. "You can not talk about what you can not talk about," says the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein. This also applies here: As long as the other raves, it makes no sense to take the floor. What do you want to say reasonably? He'll just turn upside down for all the good reasons, so keep your justification a little bit behind. Even if you ask your counterpart, "What do you say about that?", You do not necessarily have to answer.

They rather wait until the appropriate opportunity arises. It is always favorable when the first objectification becomes apparent. So if your opposite is to talk about what happened. Then you can reply if you want. You do not have to.

The longer you are silent, the more helpless the other becomes

Overview

It's a strange phenomenon, but if you really do not say anything, the other one is left alone in his anger and gradually calms down. It is important that you also "stay silent" body language, so take a neutral as possible attitude. When you sit slumped in your chair and drop your eyes, you can not wait to "silence" the other.

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Example: Scene of a marriage

Overview

The couple Trautmann has a violent quarrel. She yells at him, charging him with reproaches: "You are the most ruthless bastard!", "You are thinking only of you!", "You have exploited me!", "You lied to me and cheated on me!", "Why are you doing me that? "

Mr. Trautmann does not reply, sits in his chair and quietly drinks a glass of beer. "How can you just sit there and drink your beer?" No reaction. "I mean nothing to you?" Mr. Trautmann looks at his wife and still says nothing. "Now talk!" She yells at him. Not a word. "Why do not you say anything?" - "Are you done?" He asks unimpressed.

They let the others fidget

Overview

It is with hands to grasp: The one who determines the situation is the one who is silent. As long as you do not give an answer, give no opinion, the other can do nothing. He is becoming more and more helpless.

Take the counter sample and imagine that in the last two examples the "Schweiger" spoke. They did not have to say much to increase the force of the outburst. They would have given the fire only new food with their reaction.

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Example: marriage counter sample

Overview

She: "You are the most ruthless bastard!" - He: "I think, now you exaggerate!" - You: "Oh yes, I'm exaggerating, I rather think that I am still understating!" - He: "But listen ..." - She: "the way you behave, so ruthless, so selfish!" - He: "I admit yes ..." - She: "You betrayed me and exploited me!" - He: "But you are completely innocent, eh?" - She: "Oh, that's the height! You're leaving behind me - and I'm still to blame!"

Sovereign silence and enjoy

Overview

The dosed "Niederschweigen", however, can not only serve well in rage outbursts. In many situations where you expect a prompt reaction, you can silence the other side by silence. For example:

  • Someone makes you an offer. Their silence signals neither approval nor rejection. Your counterpart is unsure: Should he improve his offer?
  • An employee reports about a project. Of course he describes everything in the most rosy colors. They are suspicious and silent. This signals you: We are not done yet, tell us more. The employee admits that there have been a few problems ...
  • They take over the management of a group. They do not make any specifications, but simply wait for things to develop.

Caution, danger of escalation!

Overview

The "silence" can be extremely grueling for the other. On the one hand, this makes this method so immensely powerful, on the other, it also poses a considerable danger. If the other person gets the impression that he can not reach you anymore, he will try to elicit a reaction from you.

If things go well, he realizes that he can not get on "the rage track". It refers to the matter and no longer to you as a person, so that you can comment objectively as mentioned. Often, however, the other one does not know how to help other than pushing through the "rage track" to the bitter end with full force. That means he will attack and challenge you more and more violently. As long as you react in some way - even though he has to expect that your "answer" will always be more destructive.

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In any case, you must prevent such an escalation. If you realize that your counterpart is becoming more and more outrageous, then switch to the "interpreter technique" of the "diplomatic tongue".

Do not let yourself go

Overview

It is advisable to use the technique of "silence" with a sense of proportion. Because once you are basically silent, when the others expect an answer from you, you cause annoyance and you risk being overplayed.


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