The solution is obvious?
Many people hear and read many annual seminars and books on the subject of communication and communication rhetoric, But very few notice that many of these sources neglect the strategic aspects of communication. This skill gap is as unnecessary as it is easy to conclude: do not change your spoken words, but your strategic schemata.
For example, the mother who regulates her six-year-olds: "Your little sister howls! Do not be so rude to her! "Ten minutes later she howls again. Because the boy is "difficult to train"? No.
Which scheme do you use?
The mother uses - quite unconsciously and unfortunately also unreflectively - a self-sabotage scheme, the so-called deficit scheme, which translates as: "I'm just talking about the malady - you have to come up with the solution yourself, because that's obvious!"
She is not, never. Even if she were: No six-year-old, no 16-year-old, and no 36-year-old on her own. That's why many parents, teachers, trainers or supervisors complain: "Do I always have to say everything a hundred times!" Yes, if you communicate with the Deficit Scheme. Ergo: Get off the killer schemes!
Change your schemas!
The more effective scheme is the solution scheme: Do not just throw the deficit, but explicitly talk about the solution! In turn, there are several schemes, for example, the dirigiste: "Do not take the little ones just the toy away. Give her another, then she'll be busy! "
However, with dirigism often provoking resistance, interactive, activating coaching behavior is more elegant: "Okay, she plays with your toy and you do not like that. How could you fix that, so that you are both satisfied? "
Devaluation is the most common scheme
Nice side effect: After half a year of use, your children (employees, customers, relationship partners, supervisors ...) educate themselves in large parts. By the way, what is the most common scheme?
Right advised: devaluation. "What the fuck! Strictly complain! "More than half of everyday communication is ex- or implicit pejorative, know-it-all, directive, self-centered. Anyone who replaces this cultural scheme with appreciative schemes not only achieves more, but is also sympathetic, for example: "I think you can do better. Try again!"
Scheme is culture
Thus does no man speak? That's almost true. In our culture, only a very few speak. Significantly, this is also the most successful and at the same time particularly sympathetic, the great communicators, the Dalai Lama.
The coaching experience shows that one can learn this in a few weeks, afterwards to enjoy the fruits of strategic communication: faster, easier, more success - and much higher sympathy values.
Fill your toolbox!
"Most of my preparation time has cost me my spontaneous speeches" Mark Twain once said. Means: What often seems random, unintentional or quick-witted to others, is often carefully planned.
In the first step, this requires a lot of communicative tools ("those who only know the hammer, for whom every problem looks like a nail") and in the second step the practice and the security of being able to use the adequate tool and then be able to do it well , Anyone who has never had a (communicative) power saw in their hands will have a hard time with it, as well as the throwing of (communicative) cotton balls requires the exercise, so they hit their target.
My 5 recommendations:
- Collect. Load tool too!
- Practice dealing with it.
- Leave everything in the toolbox what they have gathered so far.
- Check the sorting. What's up in the front? Should you resort?
- Maintain your tool. If you do not use it for years, it will rust.
Have fun collecting and practicing!
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