Stop! In time say "no" with success: 7 tips for conflict prevention


We are moved by the idea to make the world of work more human - without constant pressure for efficiency, stress and fear. As Publisher Best of HR - Berufebilder.de® with podcast, eLearning-on-demand offers and a news service we share 15 years of experience with our customers (Samsung, Otto, state institutions). By the Top20 female blogger and consultant Simone Janson, referenced in ARD, ZEIT, Wikipedia .
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Many conflicts also arise because humans do not simply express what they want, but the repressed aggression smolders in them until the explosion. Often it would help to say "Stop!" In time. 7 tips.

Stop! In time

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Here writes for you: Simone Janson is a publisher, German Top20 blogger and HR communication consultant. Profile

Work bee till late at night

Overview

A situation that may well be familiar to many: They are looking forward to their well-deserved end of work, just want to pack the things together, there is the supervisor in the door: "Could you perhaps still make me this calculation for tomorrow? It's really important!".

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Colleagues are already all gone, need to find their family, other good reasons or the like. Only you do not fall into the fast no really good excuse. So they stay and devote themselves with clenched teeth and burgeoning rage of calculation. Instead of going to work, so another time to work late into the night.

Set limits - on time!

Overview

The Chef He is pleased with his working bee, but he does not suspect what he has done, he probably still thinks, they like to do that because they start working without argument. He is no different from you. In the meantime, you have long since been demotivated and are only doing service according to regulations.

However, you are also to blame. Because you do not represent your rights and do not set limits in time, you prefer to work to the limits of your own performance - and then burnout is the result.

The fear of the consequences

Overview

But why, despite such obvious disadvantages, do many people have problems showing others their limits with a clear "no"? The answer is obvious: it almost always has consequences to deny other people a wish or a request. The other one could get angry. Or be hurt.

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And especially in everyday working life, it can be particularly uncomfortable, if one offends colleagues. Not to mention the boss, where a "no", so the fear, can quickly become a career killer. Not a few people prefer to take the path of least resistance and do what is expected of them. As a result, they avoid conflict, even receive recognition and praise for their efforts, and the person who is relieved is happy.

Whoever is right to do it all to oneself is wrong!

Overview

But that can take a bitter revenge: Anyone who always tries to make it right for others, soon no longer manages to cope well with its actual tasks. In addition, the others quickly get used to the fact that the yes-Sager always does everything and rely on it. As time passes, it becomes increasingly difficult to even say "no".

But nobody manages to do everything satisfactorily and that is exactly the problem. After all, according to a recent study by the RespectResearchGroup at the University of Hamburg, people have certain ideas about how competent and respectable people should be: namely trustworthy, reliable and fair.

Said study by Niels van Quaquebeke and Felix Brodbeck with the title "Development and first validation of two instruments for recording executive categorization in German-speaking countries" was published by 2008 in the "Zeitschrift für Arbeits- und Organisationspsychologie". She also points out: If you agree to take on a task and then fail to do so because of time constraints, bosses and colleagues are often more disappointed than if they had immediately declined.

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The sound makes the music

Overview

This is also confirmed by personal trainer Tanja Baum, author of the book "The art friendly 'No':" Nobody can fulfill the wishes of the boss or his colleagues, so that there is always sunshine - and certainly not in everyday working life. However, those who take others seriously, put themselves in their position and provide good arguments as to why they have to reject a request usually reap the benefits of understanding. "

Therefore, it is almost always better to say "no" clearly from the beginning. However, the sound makes the music. Other people also always want to feel that they are working hard for them. And just who refuses his boss a request, should remain friendly and justify the "no" good. The art is to say "no" in a friendly but definite way.

Just say "No": 7 tips

Overview

  1. No Lazy Excuses: "I would like to do that for you, but actually I have to ..." If you respond to a request like that, you are guaranteed to annoy the other. Because he does not know whether you have time or not and at the same time realizes that you just want to talk himself out. It's better to be open and honest right away that you do not have time - it's this consistency that the other will understand and respect.
  2. Well justified is already half won: Make it clear that you are not simply making a request arbitrarily, but that you have a good reason for your "no." For example, show your boss how busy your schedule is, or pin down the negative consequences your revision could have on the company. Do not fall into a lament, but remain objective. If you show that your "no" is well considered, this will also signal your boss's responsible actions. You can score with it.
  3. Do not let the barrel overflow: Especially who says "yes" constantly, runs the risk of reacting to excessive demands at some point. Instead of saying "no", you suddenly become aggressive. Chefs and colleagues, who are used to it differently, are annoyed by that because they did not expect it. It is therefore better to signal in good time "to this point and not further", so that the other knows immediately where your limits are. And even in the greatest stress you should renounce allegations like: "you always with your exaggerated demands ..." - the other probably does not know that he has overtaxed you all the time.
  4. Analyze exactly why you are overwhelmed: You feel overwhelmed by a request - but what bothers you exactly? Find out what makes you feel stressed and unable to stay calm. Maybe you're putting yourself under pressure or your time management is just bad. Maybe you find the suggestion of your boss or college completely absurd. In this case, clarify why this is required of you. Maybe you will find a better way together.
  5. Find a compromise: The one wants the other, the other the. There you must find a solution together. In practice, this means taking others seriously and putting them into their own situation. Look for similarities, not for differences. Work out where you both agree, find improvement opportunities and focus on your reasoning. Your boss or colleague then has the feeling that you are going to him. But also show consistently where your limits lie.
  6. Make suggestions for improvement: The boss wants you to do something for him. Although they have no time, but an idea: "Unfortunately, I can not do this task today. But colleague Schmitt is currently free. For that I can support him optimally with his project, because I know the subject very well. This makes us all much more effective. "Such suggestions make your job easier, but show the boss that you are constructively concerned about the good of the company. Important: Always choose an optimistic vocabulary when offering such alternatives.
  7. Prepare difficult conversations: Especially when it is not just about the small favor in between, it sometimes makes sense to have a clarifying conversation about your task distribution. This should be well prepared: Prepare a strategy, collect evidence and arguments for overburdening. If necessary, practice your reasoning at home so that it is no longer difficult for you to say "no". And make sure that you have a positive mood before the interview. Once you are agitated or aggressive inside, you run the risk of overburdening others with unobjectionable reproaches.


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