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Best of HR –®Dr. Cornelia Topf is a certified business coach and international management trainer with support for over twenty years Cornelia Topf As an international management trainer and certified business coach, well-known companies of all sizes and industries. Her focus is on target-oriented communication and success-oriented body language. The promotion of women is particularly important to the doctor of economics. The managing director of “metatalk Kommunikation und Training” in Augsburg is the author of many specialist books and guides that have been translated into numerous languages. These include titles such as “Self-coaching for women”, “Negotiating successfully for women”, “Assertiveness for women”, “The guide book for cheeky women” or “Defusing presentation torpedoes”. Cornelia Topf is also a sought-after expert in the media. More information at All texts from Dr. Cornelia Topf.

Social competence & communication: 2 X 4 tips against ego trips!

Being successful does not just mean going through one's own boot, but always also working together with others. Altercenterierung is inevitable. How does this work?

ego trip

Help, an egomaniac!

Do you know that too? During negotiations, she confronts her interlocutor with technical terms and abbreviations that you neither further nor interest and that you can only understand as an insider.

Your negotiator has a clear one Concept ABC School Joke Oud of right and wrong in the head, which he wants to impose on you. In all these situations, there is no trace of alterocentricity.

Take off your specialist glasses

Relationships - business and private - flourish when they are characterized by appreciation, attention, mindfulness and empathy. And that is exactly what is alterocentration. Nobody likes a conversation partner who pays no real attention to you, simply pushes aside the interests and suggestions of your counterpart, talks to them in depth.

But what is the reason? We always consider ourselves the center of our (small) universe. Egocentrism and selfishness are high on our agenda in our society.

The winner takes it all?

When it comes to our own interests, we try to implement them with many means. Even if my opponent remains on the line, pulls the short one, I talk him into the ground, no consideration can be taken.

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"The winner takes is all" ... In the short term, we can definitely achieve success with this behavior. In the long term, we are losing out: Who would like to talk to someone who is only interested in themselves?

5 tips for true age centering

Even if the admittedly admittedly in some talkshows has a very publicly effective method. With the following tips, age centering is quite simple:

1, “The biggest mistake about communication is the assumption that it took place”.

How often do we pass each other? Special expressions, technical terms, insider knowledge are a guarantee for this. It is a great challenge for many people. Especially for those who confuse specialist and social skills.

Once more: Communication arises from the recipient. Does the person you are talking to share your expertise? No? Then off with the glasses, away with stuck value and behavioral patterns, away with the specialist knowledge - only temporarily, of course.

2. Give wishes of other space

Even if these wishes are contrary to your own. To give space does not automatically give right, does not mean to accept for a long time. But listen and try to understand. Put yourself into your partner.

  • What does he want to tell me about this statement?
  • How can I support him?
  • How does he see the situation?

What brings you all this? Through understanding and understanding, it is easier and easier to take into account the interests and desires of the other, where it makes the least effort. You'll see it's worth it!

3. Make a point: often times the flap hold

Monologues are often self-runners. It is literally warm, it is often difficult to stop the flow of speech. Pay attention to your counterpart: Body language is worth a thousand words. With a little practice you will easily recognize tiredness, boredom, lack of interest in others.

And, most of the time, this is not up to your uninvolved conversation partner, that's up to you! Include your opponent in the conversation, ask questions, be silent. Because they do not need to be the opposite. You can also conduct self-talks in the quiet chamber.

4. Siegen - but also can do without

Not only is the knowledge of the situation of the other being asked here, but the willingness to understand the thoughts and emotions of the counterpart, and the ability to really understand them.

You can train it. Put yourself in the position of your partner and try to recognize his thoughts, emotions and intentions. Feel in his situation and show feelings like joy, enthusiasm, grief, compassion.

There is always only one winner. Where there is a winner, there are always defeated, there are always one or more losers. There can be several winners, no losers are required. If you put the fight back, you will be at the forefront of your partner!

Who am I dealing with?

The core question with any successful communication is usually: What do I want to tell the other? This question should not be asked! Rather, with whom do I deal with?

Whether in an interview with the HR, as a seller in the dealership with the customer, as Executive with my employees, as a doctor in dealing with my patients, the more successful person is always the one who answers the questions

  1. Do I formulate and argue objectively correctly and addressee-fair?
  2. Does what I say or write come as I would like or would like to?

can answer with a clear “yes”.

Communication arises at the receiver

Communication ultimately arises at the recipient. "I do not hear what you say, but what I can or want to hear" says an old saying. Therefore: Pay more attention to the person with whom you speak or whom you want to convince than to yourself.

This is exactly what is meant by "alterocentration", namely putting yourself and your own value judgments behind and focusing entirely on your partner and the cause.

The top 4 of Alterozentrierung

And such conversation partners are very popular with others. So that does not happen to you, here are the top 4 of Alterozentrierung:

1. Not always “ME; I; I"

Those who are not Alterozentriert wants to be in the foreground: I; I; I. It's all about:

  • How can I enforce my own interests?
  • How can I convince my counterpart of my own ideas?
  • How can I get the most out of a situation?

The I-Sager thinks and acts without regard for OTHERS. Only his advantage and his opinion count. Anyone who thinks and acts in an age-centered way does the opposite: it also allows the benefits and opinions of others.

2. Not: “I am entitled to something different than others”

"It's my own fault," he says to her when she complains again about his unwillingness to help with the household, "you shouldn't have done all that for me. And by the way: I'm not messing around here. ”

Some people give themselves more liberties than he wants others to stand, feels deeply in the right and has no place for the opinions and perspectives of others. Anyone who thinks and acts in an age-centered way does not.

3. Not “Where I am is up”

How do I see others? This is the question that an aged man is posing. All the others do not do this, after all, it is about putting themselves at the top (optionally in the center).

That others have a different perspective, different skills, different desires and needs - uninteresting and negligible. The main thing: recognition in the special role. People often believe that they get over exaggerations. Please do not!

4. A little ego is for everyone

But with all alterocentration, the following applies: Everyone should be careful not to miss out. Everyone is entitled to a certain amount of egoism and is also necessary in order to protect their own interests validity bring to.

A healthy egoism is characterized by the fact that one can assert oneself on the one hand, but at the same time also knows its limits and allows one's fellow man the freedom to develop oneself.

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3 responses to "Social competence & communication: 2 X 4 tips against ego trips!"

  1. CorneliaTopf says:

    Down from ego trip. Rein in the #Alterozentrierung. #Communication.

  2. context-thinker says:

    RT @SimoneJanson: Successfully communicating through age-centrifugation - 1 / 4: Down from the Ego-Trip!

  3. SimoneJanson says:

    Communicate successfully through Alterozentrierung - 1 / 4: Down from ego-trip!

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