Small talk and social communication: empathy for advanced students


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A US university made an interesting experiment on small talk: she sent a subject into a room full of mathematicians. After 20 minutes the mathematicians had to evaluate the subjects. What came of it?

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Dr. Cornelia Topf Best of HR – Berufebilder.de®Dr. Cornelia Topf is a certified business coach and international management trainer.

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What a nice guy!

Everyone was thrilled: “What a nice guy! And really knows about math! ” The big hit, you already guessed it: the nice guy had no idea about math. He was an art student. He didn't have the faintest glimmer of binomials.

For this he had a marked empathy: if his opponent swarmed over Fermat's theorem, the subject did not go to Fermat's theorem (a small-talk layman would try and be embarrassed). No, he was more concerned with the feelings of the mathematician.

Real sympathy instead of pre-recorded knowledge

When the arithmetic artist was annoyed by an unsuccessful attempt to solve the theorem, the art student said: "Yes, that is frustrating, I am only too familiar with that." When the mathematician spoke about a new approach, he said: “A new approach? That sounds promising. What do you make of it?"

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Certainly: After more than 20 minutes it would have emerged that the boy has no idea about integrals. Then he could still have said: “Right, I'm studying art. But I'm very interested in math. Isn't a Michelangelo aesthetically precise? ”

Empathy - and you can train it

But that's not the point. The point is: empathy enables the greatest possible recognition. Because every person, even if he is a mathematician, is deeply an emotional person. Who perceive these feelings and spiegeln can is a small talk genius.

You can also train this ability. He / she only needs very good eyes and ears and a feeling for their own feelings. Needless to say, that really good empathy in small talk, in negotiations, in coaching, in management and everywhere in life are so frighteningly successful that they could wrap virtually everyone around their fingers - if they wanted to. Whoever grins derogatory on the subject of “small talk” ignores the existence of gravity. A fatal ignorance.

Small talk - more value than mere expertise

Expertise is important. In every subject. But for the great and sustainable success in the job, for happiness and satisfaction in life expertise and wealth are not enough.

This requires communicative and social skills. Those who are good at small talk can be good with people, communicate well, and have the key to much greater inner and outer wealth than mere expertise could ever provide.

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Empty in the head? That gives itself

Empty in the head? That gives itself. For example, the Golf: After a few passes of this beautiful game. With a variant for managers and other dignitaries:

Before you comment, consider whether your comment strengthens or weakens the report. "What do we want in Brazil?" A no-no. Because this is not a factual comment, but a polemical assessment!

Find out about the background

Find out more about the background: Why does the Manager to Brazil, what are the advantages? And then your comment may turn out like this: “Brazil? Thunder weather, everyone is now in China and India - but in Brazil? Our boss is with the first again! ”

Well, the boss will be glad about you, if you make such a nice comment. So, practice developing your own, rapport-friendly mindset.

Small talk is so much more

Some people might come up with the idea, Small Talk consists in putting on an interested face while listening and nodding in a friendly smile.

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But this text has hopefully taught you a better - that's nonsense. As we have seen, small talk is so much more.


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  1. REGIS GMBH

    Small Talk - Dialogue for Success 7 / 7: Advanced Empathy by
    Dr. Cornelia Topf

    via @berufebilder - Recommended contribution GpRWBYFXzC

  2. Thomas Eggert

    Small Talk - Dialogue for Success 7 / 7: Advanced Empathy by
    Dr. Cornelia Topf

    via @berufebilder - Recommended contribution hbZM1n6Ss0

  3. Job college

    Small Talk - Dialogue for Success 7 / 7: Advanced Empathy by Dr. Cornelia Topf - Highly recommended j46wHKYMKh - Highly recommended 6HK92F9oHw

  4. Simone Janson

    Frisch tagged: At the end of the series: Empathy - Small Talk for advanced

  5. Jochen May

    RT @jobcollege: At the end of the series: empathy - small talk for advanced learners: a US university once did a ...

  6. Competencepartner

    At the end of the series: Empathy - Small Talk for advanced learners: A US university once did a ...

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