The more uncertain people, the more they talk!
The more insecure many people are, the more they talk, the more they get on their nerves and the more they get the opposite of what they want to achieve - namely, to be liked. A good small talk is when you hear and talk to your counterpart.
Why? Because the small talk does not go down. But for recognition. We small talken because we are hungry for recognition (even if this hunger is unconscious in most people). Whoever speaks may be sympathetic. Whoever listens is guaranteed to be sympathetic. The better, the more!
Many are not interested in listening
Who listens, gives recognition in the fastest-effective way. Who listens and asks questions, like Hans. One question tells the other: "I have a lot to tell, but now tell me. I listen to you. You interest me (the most beautiful form of recognition). "
And exactly at this point reveals why people in technical professions often have problems with small talk (there are exceptions). Many tell me in coaching or seminar: "Why should what a supporter tells me be important? She has no idea about the technology! "
Small talk: Actually, it's about interest
Are engineers, managers and scientists generally small talk unsuitable? Do they always have to wait outside, while civilized people in the salon maintain the social exchange?
Please excuse the polemic. The truth is: some of the best small talkers I know are engineers. Why do these supporters say what a supporter has to say? The question is their own answer: While talking small talk is synonymous. But it's all about interest.
The greatest specialist idiot on earth
Take Richard Feynmann, for example. He was a physicist and, in his opinion, the greatest professional idiot on earth. But after his Nobel Prize, he fell on the social floor of high society: embarrassment risk!
He had no idea why the new Bentley is much better than the new Rolls and why you really need Chinese nannies today (if you make more than five million a year).
The Feynman recipe
He could have been immortal embarrassing. Everyone would have - rightly! - can say about him: "Typical physicist! Knows only his formulas but nothing of the world! "But within a single ball season, Feynman became the darling of high society. And when a dust-dry theoretical physicist manages to do it, everyone can do it. As?
Because: Small talk is about interest in the other person. And I can develop interest for everything (do not ask!), What is said - regardless of subject area. Just the Nobel Prize winner Richard P. Feynman is a prime example of this.
Honest interest instead of arrogance
Feynman had no idea. But an almost limitless interest. If a salon lioness raved about the new Beluga harvest, Feynman's first thought was that of any small-talk greenhorn: "Oh God! Who cares about Beluga! I am a physicist! I do not even know what Beluga is! "But his second thought was," You do not understand that? Then let me explain that! "And he said:" Sorry, why is not the new Beluga Harvest good enough? "
The outcry of the fine ladies could be heard as far as Anchorage. The cry of ecstasy: Nothing stimulates small talk faster and more effectively than a honest and interested question of a bloody layman. For a bloody layman you can tell a lot! Very much more than an old hand, who blabbered at every second sentence: "Been there, done that!"
Make your conversation partner an expert
Every expert breaks down one to answer a question to the layman. Because nothing profiled him more than experts! Nothing brings him greater recognition! Therefore: show interest! Ask questions! "How many?" I am sometimes asked. The answer: Until you get it!
Suppose the current Beluga harvest is not good because the sturgeon roe has turned out to be "too grainy". N / A? Sorry? What do you ask? Of course, "Excuse my ignorance, but what means 'too grainy'?" Do you hear the cry of ecstasy? But hello! Wait a moment! Does that mean I have to think about small talk?
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