Small talk is, as the name implies, a small side job. It is much more about pointless talking around: It's about making others shine.
Survival-Skill Ask questions!
Small talk is often dismissed as a "mindless pastime". That's right - if it's done wrong. If you do it right, you have to be on the ball.
He must mentally follow his counterpart and keep asking comprehension questions - which the other enthusiastically answers (if not exaggerated).
Opportunities for questions arise constantly
Everything a person says is sub-redundant. Opportunities for questions abound with every single sentence. "I want to buy a new car this year ..." Why this year? What new car? What was the old one Why a new one? How was he / she satisfied with the old one? What should a new one bring?
We were able to ask intelligent, interesting questions at the age of five. But in the meantime, the educational system has given us a great deal of this useful capacity. We need to recapture this Survival skill again. Opportunities for this can be found daily in the dozen: also and especially with your children, relatives, the relationship partner.
People will be amazed
Man, they'll be amazed! About so much attention that you suddenly give them. “It was very stupid at school today!” Why? Why? What happened? Please tell me everything exactly! Michael insulted you? Who is that again? Ah, isn't that ...?
Okay, what did he say? How did he mean that? What went ahead? I could still ask for a minute and ask my opponent. And soon you can do that too. You practice. Practice makes master and master.
Let others shine!
And if you are a master, you can make others shine as well. Only recently, I joined a reception to a circle of friends, in which a bank director lectured with a proudly swaggered chest - about solar panels. And Peter S. stood by. What you need to know: Peter S. has one of the largest distribution and installation organizations for solar panels in the region. The bank manager just did not know that.
When the circle got lost, I took Peter aside and asked, “Did you swallow your tongue? How long have you had a layperson explain your own area of expertise? ” He winked and said, “They cut the bank manager all evening because of the financial crisis. I thought to myself: Let him shine sometimes and don't drive him into the parade with know-it-all. In addition: he is building himself. Do you think he buys his new solar system from a know-it-all? Or someone who sovereign and calmly puts the customer first? ”
Only no work
Unfortunately, these are the most common style elements in the usual lay small talk: “We were on vacation at the Black Sea this summer!” - “And we in the cathedral. Rep.! ” - “And we in the Pope's summer residence!” Uh, um, that's disgusting. How the top dogs and salon bitches try to outbid each other and outdo each other!
Men in particular are most likely to miss out on intersex small talk: no woman likes to show off. Women like harmony of conversation (when they're not on the verge). "But if someone really tells nonsense!", The engineers, top managers, editors, Germanists and natural scientists object here. So what? Guys, it's small talk! It is not a dissertation or a hearing before the Senate!
The master baker thinks Keynes is Schalke's center forward? “Keynes was an economist and father of the modern market economy! Everyone knows that!" With such a thing you disqualify yourself and lose any sympathy. Also and precisely because it is true! But that doesn't count in small talk.
Repeat, harmony counts in small talk. So you say: “Oh what, the center forward from Schalke is also called that? What a coincidence! The economist was also called Keynes, wasn't it? ” You know what? The master baker will be eternally grateful that you have not exposed him. This is small talk: make others look good. Also and especially when you know better.