Looking for recognition
When we stand in a circle, each with cocktail glass in hand, there is nothing better, warmer and uplifting than the feeling: "Wow! They all listen to me! And they love me! They love me! "
Whoever has not reflected this will never know why we all so desperately want a high level of small talk. It is the most powerful of all human motives: undivided, unadulterated, honest recognition. Babies die when they do not get them. Adults also, mentally. Hans lives. He is alive when the eyes of the nice supporter light up. Why do they light up?
Everyone can actually talk small!
As soon as Hans has overcome his blockades, his usual linguistic habit turns on again: after all, he is department head. That is, he can talk. This is part of his leadership skills. That is why he does quite automatically some things right, the others perhaps first have to learn: That is exactly Hans makes intuitive. He asks about the impact of the present presentation on the work of the supporter.
Listening is silver, right questions are gold
That is also why a bomb-proof recipe, because: who asks, always gets an answer! The motto is: Do not tell anyone! Nobody likes senior teachers and frequent speakers. Let your counterpart tell: Ask! And above all, open questions.
Greenhorns often ask closed questions: "Do not you find our sales manager a bit pompous?" What can one answer to that? Actually only yes or no - and in both cases the conversation is over before it starts. Because it started monosyllabic in the sense of the word. So ask openly: how, why, why, why, what, or "What do you think of that?"
Why small talk tips are actually superfluous
Small talk seminars are actually superfluous. Also contributions to the small talk - like this one here. For a simple reason: we can all speak fluently! Always and everywhere. And yet you still read. Why?
Because we can always and everywhere talk - unfortunately unfortunately not often when it comes to it. That is, it is not our language. It is at the blockade. He who overcomes them, like Hans, unfolds his natural language, which has been successfully accompanying him all his life. So the bulk of a small talk coaching should deal with the loose dismantling of these useful blocks. Why useful?
Speech blocs are useful because they want to protect us from blame (the so-called secondary use). That is why they bring us to silence, stutter or rot. If we can make clear to the blockade that blamage-freeness can also be achieved differently or that a bit of disgrace does not kill one, the blockade disappears. Because it has served its purpose.
Hans, for example, told himself shortly before leaving for Canossa: "Come, you have been with the company for 20 years and you have been for two weeks! She will be glad if you make her feel welcome! "Some giggle at this point: A full-fledged production manager, content loosely about 100 000 Euro, talks to himself?
Yes. This is called Inner Dialogue: When the Inner Dialogue works, so does the outer. Anyone who can talk to themselves can do that with every other human being. As in the interior so in the outside. Therefore, the better you handle your blockages, the better you deal with other people. To deal with blockages also includes the physical aspect: palpitations, red head, wet hands, stomach depressions.
Some guidebooks recommend: "Take a deep breath!" This is unfortunately nonsense, as anyone who has ever hyperventilated: Since you get back down from the ceiling by breathing in a bag to reduce oxygen oversaturation.
The right tip against stage fright
Therefore, the right tip against stage fright and fear of contact is: exhale deeply. Multiple and deep. So deep that you can then take a break. Give it a try. Now. The calming effect is immediately noticeable, right?
You can google the scientific background under "Buteyko". Konstantin Pavlevich Buteyko has pioneered the calming effects of forced exhalation. That's why Hans goes straight for the nice supporter.
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