Self-determination instead of heteronomy: 3 X 3 Tips for more happiness and serenity

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All too often we turn our eyes away from our lives by the expectations of others. Sticking in the treadmill of everyday life and have the feeling of being able to determine nothing more. Change it and give yourself permission to do what really counts for you! Best of HR –®

Here writes for you:


Monika A. Pohl Best of HR –®Monika A. Pohl is an expert in the field of self-care and mental health. 


From the author:




Discover possibilities

Let us not fool ourselves, deciding everything ourselves is hardly possible and perhaps not desirable at all. It is the things that drive us and inspire us every day that we should focus on. If you want to have more say, instead of letting yourself be led across the field like a chess piece, take over the game itself Guide and get into action.

Because self-determination does not come by itself. The wait alone does not make you a happier and free man. You should know what is important to you and what exactly you want to determine yourself. That sounds banal, but it's not always that easy. Often we do not see the many possibilities due to dissatisfaction and feel stuck in a hamster wheel.

Change the perspective!

Change the perspective and dare to break out of your box once in order to discover the many possibilities of different living areas such as work, family and leisure and to match them with your desires and goals. Just ask yourself:

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  1. What exactly do I want to change?
  2. Where do I want to go?
  3. How can I achieve my goals?

If you take one step after the other, you will not get stuck. Keep an eye on your goal. And if you do not want to put everything on a map, develop a Plan B and keep it in the sleeve.

Overcome obstacles

Consider stumbling blocks as challenges that go with it. Sometimes we encounter resistance from the outside, but often it is our own traits that diminish freedom and deprive us of agency. In this case, three steps clear the way to more self-determination:

  1. the strengthening of self-esteem
  2. the reconciliation with your own inner critic
  3. confidence in one's own intuition

Explain your needs carefully and learn to value yourself. Reward yourself regularly for your success and do not set your self-worth after the defeats. Stumbling and failure belong to life. In most cases, it is exactly the events that we most benefit from in personal development. A thoroughly critical, yet self-centered review of your professional and private career and an analysis of the current situation form the basis for further action. And do not put your head in the sand immediately, if you are not currently on the pole position.

Caution perfection

To disarm your inner critic or to make friends with him, take a closer look at his workplace - because then you can even take advantage of your inner critic's nagging. Ask yourself:

  1. When is he particularly active and when does he give you a rest?
  2. What are his subjects and what is his favorite valuation?
  3. How can you learn to deal constructively with your self-doubt?

For, on the one hand, he likes to put his finger into the wound; on the other hand, he points to our failures, stimulates us to reflect, and sometimes triggers meaningful impulses. Unfortunately, the inner critic often makes the perfectionist in us a friend. Together they create new standards, which are not always easy to get to. If you own this property, you should regularly work on exaggerated expectation yourself and others, otherwise dissatisfaction will remain your constant companion.

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make decision

One thing you should not forget: Self-determination is a conscious decision. It goes hand in hand with self-responsibility. This means that you are responsible for everything you decide to do. That's the other side of the coin. Nevertheless, it is much more satisfying to be self-effective and to have a say, instead of being on the side and having no influence on the outcome of the event.

Sharpen the focus on what is really important to you in your life and make sure there are changes where you want them most. For your life, you have a responsibility!

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  1. Job college

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