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Self-coaching self-help & self-love - 2 / 3: Clear the way!

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Sometimes a goal, a dream, a wish to us so much that we can fly over every obstacle on the way: enthusiasm lends wings and we can climb the highest mountains. But there are other wishes and goals. Goals that you do not want to inspire but rather to strain.

Obstacles on the way

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Dr. Cornelia TopfDr. Cornelia Topf is a certified Businesscoach & International Management Trainer.


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How to overcome obstacles?

Most people are so concerned with whining, pushing the blame on others and insulting themselves that they can not find a solution.

It is better to approach the obstacle constructively. Ask yourself:

  • What does the situation require from me?
  • What exactly do I need?
  • Where can I get it?
  • Who could I ask (except myself)?

Keep an overview! Write down all the possibilities on a list. Update and expand this list.

To tackle the hurdles in a structured way

Such a list helps to bring obstacles and solutions into a structure that enables meaningful, step-by-step action.

You can not skip a house wall! Not at all. But every brick single, that goes. So dismantle the house wall! Whenever something is difficult for you:

It is not due to your courage or your abilities! It is up to the task. It is not properly structured. Atomize them! Even the Chinese knew: Even a journey from 1000 miles begins with the first step.

Awaken your strength - make constructive thoughts

How do you awaken something in yourself? A wonderful tool for this are settings. In good English: constructive thoughts. To these five steps.

  1. They face a task. Good.
  2. What do you think about it?
  3. And what, in contrast, would be a constructive attitude? What would be a committed attitude?
  4. But do not you know? You have doubts, fears, weaknesses?
  5. Then stand by! Feelings that you are fighting are becoming stronger. You can only change what you accept.

So do not fight your doubts. Do the opposite:

Accepting doubts instead of fighting

This is an unusual recipe. Usually, we think in the case of self-doubt rather: "Do not get so! Pull yourself together! "At the same time, you are likely to feel an inner resistance.

This is the reason why such attempts at self-persuasion do not work very often or well: they cost too much energy in the long run because they do not respect self-doubt, but under-starter. Unterbuttern costs strength and at the same time weakens self-esteem.

Best treatment for self-doubt: pacing (accept) & lead (lead). Only unconditionally accept and appreciate. Then gently guide in the right direction.

How to find a job with 58 again?

An 58-year-old, who after 24 years of maternity again applied for a job, countered the implicit accusation of the staff with this recipe: "True: I've been out of work for an eternity. And what have I done in this eternity?

I've managed a family for 24 years, and next to my husband's office. Show me one of my competitors who has a similar qualification! "Well roared, lioness! After the third interview she had a job. No wonder at this setting.

"That will not work!" - "Yes, that will be something!"

At the latest after the third failed attempt many say: "That will be nothing! That's how I am, I do not change, my age, my parents had problems with it, that's just a question of the character! "

After three unsuccessful attempts, many consider this to be naked facts. I'll tell you something: these are not facts. This is just a story we are telling ourselves.

What do we tell ourselves and what does it do to us?

Never tell unchangeable things about tasks and problems! They thus chronicle, ie, you expect this state to remain so, and so do exactly that.

But, of course, you should and should tell all the best, pleasurable and positive things as unchangeable!

Also the positive is unchangeable!

So, for example, after a great success: "So am I! I always knew I was good at it. This is in my blood. I could do it as a child. "Even if that is not quite true, it makes you strong.

The greatest impact on well-being, satisfaction, mental, physical and physical health has been your ability to respect, acknowledge, praise, and treat yourself.

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