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Text comes from the book: “Schlagfertigkeit” (2015), published by Haufe Verlag, reprinted with the kind permission of the publisher.

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82Dr. Martin Christian Morgenstern is a behavioral researcher and evolutionary psychologist. As an expert in mental strength, personality development, motivation and stress management, he has been advising, coaching and training specialists and executives, politicians, entrepreneurs and professional athletes for over ten years. He has also been a lecturer at renowned universities of applied sciences for many years. His methods are scientifically proven and can be implemented 100 percent immediately. More information at martinmorgenstern.com All texts from Dr. Matthias Nöllke.

React quickly to outbursts of anger: Confidently remain silent & enjoy

How do I behave when my opponent foams with anger? We will show you how to defuse the anger, protect yourself and ensure a strong finish.

The "silence"

Silence and quickness, how does that fit together? Well, to the quickness also belongs that one can hold the mouth at the right time. But have we not always asserted that flawlessness breaks through speechlessness?

Do you make quick wits? And in some situations it was important to say something at all? Well, that remains valid. However, in some situations it may be better to remain silent. This is not pure speechlessness, but a sovereign silence.

You decide when to answer

“Keeping silent” is a perfectly appropriate response to an outburst of anger. “What you can't talk about, you have to be silent about it,” says the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein. This also applies here: as long as the other is romping around, they don't have any Sense to speak. What do you sensibly want to say? He'll turn your neck on all good reasons in an instant, so hold back your justification a little longer. Even if the other person asks you: “What do you think of that?”, You do not necessarily have to answer.

They rather wait until the appropriate opportunity arises. It is always favorable when the first objectification becomes apparent. So if your opposite is to talk about what happened. Then you can reply if you want. You do not have to.

The longer you are silent, the more helpless the other becomes

It's a strange phenomenon, but if you really don't say anything, the other person will be all alone in their anger and gradually calm down. It is important that you also "keep silent" in terms of your body language, that is to say that you adopt as neutral an attitude as possible. If you sit slumped in your chair with your eyes down, you can't wait to "keep silent" the other person.

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Example: Scene of a marriage

The couple Trautmann has a violent marital dispute. She yells at him, heaped accusations on him: "You are the most ruthless bastard!", "You only think of yourself!", "You took advantage of me!", "You lied and cheated on me!", "Why do you do." to me? "

Mr. Trautmann doesn't reply, sits in his armchair and quietly drinks a glass of beer. "How can you just sit there and drink your beer?" No reaction. “I don't mean anything to you at all?” Mr. Trautmann looks at his wife and still doesn't say anything. “Now finally talk!” She yells at him. Not a word. "Why don't you say anything?" - "Are you finished?" He asks, unimpressed.

They let the others fidget

It is with hands to grasp: The one who determines the situation is the one who is silent. As long as you do not give an answer, give no opinion, the other can do nothing. He is becoming more and more helpless.

Do the cross-check and imagine if the last two examples had spoken “silent”. You didn't have to say much to add to the force of the outburst. With your reaction you would only have given the fire new nourishment.

Example: marriage counter sample

She: “You're the most ruthless bastard!” - He: “I think you're exaggerating now!” - She: “Oh yes, I'm exaggerating? I rather think that I am still understating! "- He:" But listen ... "- She:" The way you behave! So ruthless, so selfish! "- He:" I admit ... "- She:" You betrayed me and took advantage of me! "- He:" But you are completely innocent, aren't you? "- She:" Oh, that is yes, the height! You're cheating on me - and I'm supposed to be to blame for it too! "

Sovereign silence and enjoy

The dosed "silence" can not only be of good service in the case of outbursts of anger. In many situations in which you are expected to respond promptly, you can make the other party feel insecure by keeping quiet. For example:

  • Someone makes you an offer. Their silence signals neither approval nor rejection. Your counterpart is unsure: Should he improve his offer?
  • An employee reports on a project. Of course, he describes everything in the rosiest colors. You are suspicious and silent. By doing so, you are signaling: We are not finished yet, tell more. The employee admits that there were a few problems ...
  • They take over the management of a group. They do not make any specifications, but simply wait for things to develop.

Caution, danger of escalation!

“Keeping silent” can be extremely grueling for the other. On the one hand, that makes this method so incredibly powerful, on the other hand, it also poses a considerable risk. When the other is with you Streit has the impression that he can no longer get to you, then he will try to elicit a reaction from you after all.

If things go well, he finds that he is not getting anywhere “on the angry rail”. It relates to the matter and no longer to you as a person, so that, as mentioned, you can take a factual position. Often, however, the other one does not know how to help himself other than to drive through with full force on the "angry rail" to the bitter end. That means he will attack and challenge you more and more violently. Until you react somehow - even if he has to expect that your "answer" will be more and more destructive.

You must definitely prevent such an escalation. If you notice that your counterpart is becoming more and more abusive, then switch to the "interpreting technique" of the "diplomatic tongue".

Do not let yourself go

It is advisable to use the technique of "silence" with a sense of proportion. Because if you keep yourself silent for the first time when the others expect an answer from you, you will cause anger and you risk that you will simply be played over you.

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