Quick-wittedness First aid instead of a red button: anger is like swallowing poison

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Text comes from: Einfach schlagfertig: Zehn Methoden, die jeder anwenden kann (2015) from Peter Kensok, Petra Schächtele-Philipp, published by BusinessVillage Verlag, Reprints by friendly permission of the publisher.
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We always want to be quick-witted when we suddenly run out of breath with outrage or shock and we feel defenseless. What to do? Please do not press the red button! Best of HR – Berufebilder.de®

Here writes for you:


Peter Kensok peter_kensokPeter Kensok is Peter Kensok is communication trainer, coach and psychotherapist. 


Here writes for you:


Petra Schächtele-Philipp schaechtlePetra Schächtele-Philipp is a trainer and rhetorician.


From the author:



Our visual orientation

Most people are very visually oriented. The feedback from the participants of our seminars and coaching sessions confirms that the visual presentation of a personal protective screen helps people to act more calmly and confidently even in real situations.

This has very likely to do with the fact that our brain can process images and emotions faster than the purely logically structured text of an abstract intent. We react more calmly to verbal attacks, the more detailed and tangible we imagine that we are surrounded by a real physical protective screen.

Your mental protection shield - always at hand!

If, however, you are going to the next difficult session, the next meeting or the next customer conversation, then you should not only have your prepared arguments, but also your mental screen. So take two additional minutes for your mental fitness before convincing your conversation partners.

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What your personal protective screen looks like is a matter of personal style and your imagination. For example, imagine your umbrella surrounding you like a safe ball. The ball separates you appropriately from your counterpart and makes you unreachable for possible threats.

How does a screen work?

A very good mental technique consists of not only making oneself comfortable in difficult situations in the future and not letting oneself be lured out of the reserve, but of getting a visual idea of ​​one's own protective screen.

In order to always have your mental protective shield at hand, you can use one of the following inner images, for example. A protective screen is ...

  • like a bubble or a bowl around you;
  • like an armored glass pane, which comes out of the ground in front of you;
  • like the sight of an armor that you can fold down at any time;
  • ...

Read these suggestions and use for yourself the one that will give you the strongest and most comfortable feeling. You can of course also create your own picture of a protective screen. It is important for your brain that the image you are using appears to be as real as possible. The more real the idea, the better the effect.

gain distance

Situative intelligence means to do the right thing intuitively in every situation. For this, serenity and a mental tank, which protects us like an elephant's skin, helps. That would be another screen for a screen from the previous section. We call another technique by distance.

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In many situations it helps to look at the attack of our conversation partner not only from a personal perspective. Instead, we try to take a look from the meta level to the action.

The view from the meta plane

Suppose you were a bird in the air or the spider on the ceiling, what do you think of the two people who are obviously tense down there? This view of the scene is also possible if you should be one of the affected people. It creates an emotional distance, as we would otherwise expect from scientists in a laboratory.

With a little practice, you learn to distinguish between the content and the feelings that trigger what you have said. Rather than getting into anger or stress right away, from the bird's and the spider's perspective, you may even discover the comic or absurdity of the situation, and not reacting at all can be a good response.

Annoying is like poison swallowing

Note: Annoying is like swallowing poison and hoping that the other will respond. We are in such a successful environment with such approaches. Modern mental techniques were one of the most important pillars in the training concept of the German national football team 2014. Joachim (Jogi) Löw and his team became world champions after all. You too can bring it to mental mastery in repartee with mental hygiene measures!

The best thing to do is to start right away with a motto in life, which people who are at rest like to have one. No matter what may happen, you always go back to your own inner strength. Which of the following sentences does this for you? Does it perhaps coincide with something that has already shown itself as a motto in your life? So quick wittedness is not just about finding a suitable answer. Perhaps it is even more important to perceive and understand your own thoughts and feelings.

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Conscious breathing

One of the first (self) help measures is that we catch our breath and set up a protection zone - literally or figuratively Sense, There is a need behind every feeling! Pay attention to your feelings and give them space. Relieve yourself by breathing. Inhale and exhale deeply through pursed lips or through the nose with a Darth Vader sound. This means that exhaling takes longer and calms you down.

Breathing is the best remedy for stress. Breathe consciously after an attack, and, perhaps, six to eight times a minute. Inhalation - Pause - Exhale. Soon your pulse calms down. Relax your forehead instead of putting it in folds. Focus on your creative possibilities. Remember: every disaster is the core of an anecdote!

How mindfulness helps

Observing one's own inner processes is also called mindfulness and is an important quality for our topic. In general, the more attentive you are to others, the more carefully you treat yourself, your feelings and your reactions.

Therefore, train your perception of something that has been said, the perception of your feelings that have been triggered at you; and learn to separate your feelings and your conscious assessments from each other.

Dodge is better than revenge

Step inside, so you do not overwhelm your own emotions. As always from a Feldherren hill always keep the overview, leads us around the stimulus reaction trap.

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Dodge is better than revenge and retaliation: anyone who really wants to meet and injure is more annoyed by a sovereign reaction than by a counter-attack.

The red buttons

Words transport more than just thoughts, attitudes and ideas. Dieseling words can produce completely different reactions in different people, as perception psychology confirms. After that, there is no objective reality.

For every human being is really what he constructs in his imagination and what he can perceive because of his personal filters. So we evaluate all the stimuli that flow into us through past experiences. We leave our fingers off the hot stove and know tomorrow how we have opened a door.

The keys to understanding the present

Our memories and experiences are the key to our very individual understanding of the present. This means for the quick-wittedness that each individual will have internalized, individual trigger or stimulus words, which cause joy, anger, frustration or counter-defense.

In order not to be attacked by yourself, be sure in which situations you always react as sensitively and are dissatisfied afterwards.

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Typically sensitive situations

  • For example, are you annoyed that you have already taken on another task for the team, simply because everyone else said no more quickly?
  • Has your life partner or your partner already commented on your character and question the relationship?
  • Do you laugh with the team against your will, even though you find the blond joke in the presence of the colleague pretty bad?

Such situations deserve a conscious engagement with them and new reactions. Be inspired by the elements of elegant repartee. Sometimes it also means simply ignoring a situation.

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  1. Franz Josef Nephew

    Coué showed: If you have a problem and it does not get you (from you), then you do not stand on your side but on it.
    Coué showed that we are ALWAYS running AUTOuggestion, but mostly in favor of the problem.
    We think of it and strengthen it.
    The energy we put into the problem is withdrawn from us.
    We all make it so stupid, because that was brought to us all by pedagogy so:
    We give and try - and get it.
    We make an effort - and as a result, we make an effort.
    We do not give up - and are therefore tense.
    We overcome ourselves - and are then overcome.
    Who would dare to treat his boss so barbarically?
    Coué had a worldwide success and people had success worldwide through their model and their clear demonstration of problem and solution.
    Coué is still highly relevant today.
    Everyone can only benefit from his examples when he tests them and learns them.
    Read more here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9x335h-Wq_A
    Good luck!
    Franz Josef Nephew

    • Simone Janson

      Thanks for this (ad) note, I will look at this.

      • About

        Love Simone
        Franz Josef Neffe has written a short concise article.
        In-depth is the interview.
        How thoughts are purposefully used to mobilize forces,
        shows the youtube video on the method of autosuggestion by Emil Coué.
        A new insights

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