Postpone goals instead of finally getting started: “I don't really want that”

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“I want to finally get started! And I also have some ideas that are waiting to be worked on and implemented. I always make a serious decision to start with it. But then I stay idle anyway. How can you be so nailed up! I probably don't really want it ... ”

Best of HR –®

Here writes for you:


Tom Diesbrock 84Tom Diesbrock is a psychologist, consultant, team developer and book author.


From the author:




The psychological counseling market would be much smaller ...

The market for psychological counselors would be much smaller if, after reading, every reader actually began to put into practice what he had read as far as he could find it appropriate and correct. The number of these books, which are sold every year, does not decrease. But on the contrary.

Instead of becoming active, many people, especially when it comes to career change, prefer to buy the next guidebook or attend a seminar. What they read and listen to, they find also very right and important, but they do not change anything and stay on their dead horse.

Indefinitely or self-determined?

The strategies of avoidance that I have presented to you so far represent the possibility and the Sense of change in question. The mental self-boycott does not.

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He admits that I decide to go on the road, and I also partly believe it - maybe I'll even take the first step - but then it's over, and I'm not going any further. As if someone else would decide about my doing.

Is the inner pig dog so strong?

We may call this other our "Inner Pig Dog". And then we often feel ashamed because we seem so weak and he is so strong. As if this was just a question of willpower and mental strength.

If we are in the impasse of the mental self-sacrifice, it often feels as if someone had pulled out the plug. The motivation and the drive go to zero. It seems as if we no longer have any energy at our disposal.

Onschieberitis instead of change

For activities with which we then gladly distract (suddenly suddenly windows must be cleaned, cars washed or desks cleared!), But there is always enough energy available.

If we follow the temptation, the voice of the bad conscience quickly announces itself, and exhorts us that we had made much more important. And so it goes in our head always back and forth, but not forward.

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No step forward, but consumes a lot of energy

As if a part of me were stepping on the accelerator to accelerate me to top speed, and another my inner brake pedal because he did not want that. The consequence: I do not come from the spot, consume a lot of energy, I think stupidly, and somehow the engine is broken.

The diagnosis: I have an inner conflict that leads to a mental block. This is a completely normal psychic mechanism that follows the principle: "If I am not XNUMX% sure of my cause, I would rather prevent it and stick to the tried and true than the new will prove to be wrong and harmful in the end."

Shoemaker, stay with the groin

Or to put it more popularly: “Shoemaker, stick to your work (if you don't have a great business plan).” The consequence is discontent and at some point only despair.

What is crucial is how psychologically wisely we deal with our inner blockade and either solve it constructively or only solidify it ever further. In order to achieve the latter, there are two very effective tools, namely: pressure and self-criticism.

"I'm so stupid and lazy"

Even more effective: even more pressure and even more self-criticism. Probably this method is not unknown to you, because most of us use it often. If I do not work as I would-I think, I'd criticize it, and for example, impute stupidity or laziness.

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Self-accusations like "I should be much further - others can do it too" support my self-criticism. Then I can still put on the inner thumbscrews and really put pressure on myself: “Finally pull yourself together!” or “You didn't deserve anything else!” but don't really motivate either.

Anything but hot air?

Sometimes friends and friends also help us by meeting us with incomprehension and annoyance, if we simply do not do what we want and want so much. Even if they do not have this problem themselves, they can not understand why someone does not get their hooves.

In such cases, self-diagnosis or diagnosis by others is often: “Then you probably don't really want it at all! Stay where you are." So all hot air. Only this way my mental self-block will definitely not get smaller.

The spirit does not want to go in the bottle anymore

Once we realize that our job is a dead horse, our dissatisfaction will remain a constant companion. As a matter of fact, the spirit does not want to go back into his bottle once he has made it to daylight!

Are you feeling similar? Do you keep resolving to finally do something for your new job - and then don't come out of your armchair? Do you also tend to self-criticism? Do you like to put a lot of pressure on yourself?

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Blocked by internal conflicts and contradictions

In this tenth strategy, it becomes particularly clear how much internal conflicts and contradictions can block us. Although we have a great longing for change, we keep ourselves from going there.

Essentially, each of the ten strategies presented has such a conflict, because the starting point is always our dissatisfaction, which is only so "well" repressed in the first strategy that it cannot be perceived.

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  1. Katelin

    Really great site!

  2. Johanna

    In many places you are discussing what constitutes professional success and how it can be achieved. There are very simple rules to achieve goals!

  3. Sabine Behner

    10 reasons why many people persist in extremely adverse circumstances despite high levels of dissatisfaction - quite a sad thing. All the better when someone here shows that there is another way.

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