10 Reasons To Ride A Dead Horse: 6. "I'm not an egotist"

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An argument that prevents many from transposing: "If it were up to me, I would have given up my job for a long time. But how would that look in my Curriculum vitae out? And how would my friends, colleagues and the family react? They certainly would not understand. And I'm not a human who only thinks of himself! "

10 Reasons To Ride A Dead Horse: 6.

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Here writes for you:

Tom Diesbrock 84Tom Diesbrock is a psychologist, consultant, team developer and book author.


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What would the others think?


What do you think the people around you would say and think if you were actually "changing hands", giving up your current job and looking for a new one that would give you more fun and satisfaction? Would the majority encourage you and congratulate you on this decision? Or do you rather expect a negative, negative and discouraging response from your environment?

As social beings, we are more or less easily influenced by our environment. And as we go through a life phase of upheaval, others can thwart our pursuit of change in two ways: either the people around us are actually trying to divert us from our idea.

The conflict in the head


Or we are only convinced that they disapprove of our behavior - without this being true. In the second case, we are likely to have far more problems completing our request because the conflict is in our heads.

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With real people, we can finally argue and dispute, with alleged rejection in our imagination, this is much more difficult. If we believe that it is impossible to realize a heart's desire for other people, we often do not realize who and what real arguments we actually mean.

"You can not do that?"


Especially if we have vague thoughts like "You can not do that" or "What should people say?", It is advisable to take a closer look. Because then maybe we just use another strategy of avoidance:

Because I can abuse "the others" quite excellently to give me an alibi for my non-action! This avoidance strategy works like this:

  1. I suppose others would think badly of me when I care for my well-being. I regard this faith as an unchanging fact, which I do not question further.
  2. The opinions of others I make about my desire. I am not taking the liberty of balancing my autonomy and the supposed influence of others and making my own decision.

I know what I want


If I am fully determined to implement a project, I will perhaps take into account the assessment of others - but most likely I will try to break through as much of my project as possible.

Possible conflicts then occur at most in the inter-human realm, not in me. I do not feel any inner resistance, so I do not need to use any avoidance strategies and can use all my strength for my project.

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Do or leave?


But inwardly I am split between "Doing!" And "Dear!", So one part of me pushes the inside accelerator and another one the brake, so I am in a quandary. And then an avoidance strategy can be used, which in psychology is called a "projection":

Instead of exposing myself to my inner resistance, I project it like a slide projector to my fellow men. No more I then seem to doubt or fear of my plans, no, the others are anyway against it!

Egoist or dreamer?


In this way, I move my inner conflict out of my imagination. I often experience that people believe they are being judged selfish and irresponsible when they want to go new or unusual ways.

Or they fear being called dreamers and spinners and shamed by others if they profess their ideas. Behind them are often deep-seated negative beliefs, which are all the more powerful the more lump sum they were once learned.

Reflective beliefs


They can be seen in how reflexively and apparently automatically they are retrieved, without ever being examined for their truth content. If I project these beliefs to the people around me, I do not need to ask the others what they really are.

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They seem self-evident to me, and there is apparently no reason to confront real people. "I can not, and I'm not allowed to." Basta.

Most people think much more differentiated


In doing so, I may do wrong to these people because in reality they think very differently and much more differentiated. And most of all I do this wrong to me and my wishes, because I give them no chance.

Do you think friends, family, or colleagues will be more critical of your career change? If so: Is it possible that this is more about your own negative attitude than about the real people? How much projection is there for you?

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  1. Jana Butter

    This is the trap many fall for when they want to do something different - the fear that others would consider it selfish. A text that inspires. Overall, by the way, I'm pretty excited about your blog and just had to get rid of it.

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