Guided tour in a double pack: communication between men and women - 2 X 3 tips


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Diversity is good, but communication often lags behind: many men complain that they do not understand women. The other way around, it's the same with women. But if you want to work together and even lead, you can not help but understand each other. Because just every gender has a different style of communication!

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Dr. Cornelia Topf Best of HR – Berufebilder.de®Dr. Cornelia Topf is a certified business coach and international management trainer.

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Direct communication is rude?

Let's start with the women: They are rather indirect than too open. As a rule, women do not want to violate their counterparts and consider clear, clear and direct behavior often as rude.

In the case of doubt, however, this is only felt as polite if the person before me has the same sex as me, and I can therefore assume that this species thinks, feels and acts like my own species.

Men think differently!

Men, on the other hand, think and feel completely different. There are enough practical examples of this. But what must be fundamentally clear to everyone: There are not just a few misunderstandings between men and women:

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In reality, however, I am dealing with a completely different way of communicating. Where neither of the two species is better or worse than the other. It's just simply different.

Overriding or not

What women feel as an attack, men do not see in the least.

What women perceive as insolence is a message of belonging to you, and what tears women in the eyes of women may be understood by male colleagues as just proof of just action.

Women or men - who has to adapt?

Since leadership positions are still predominantly male, women with an up-and-coming interest will not be able to avoid learning an additional foreign language, namely the male communications world.

At least I read that recently. But this is too short!

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Also men who are interested in further development, sustainability, performance increase in the Team - not only the own, survivability etc- interested, should face this task. This is a purely tactical approach and has nothing to do with feminization and masculinization or loss of authenticity.

That's how women talk - 3 examples

How differently women mean statements, if they want something and men perceive it, I would like to demonstrate and analyze with the example of three female statements. Imitation wanted!

Example 1: Queries

  • Questions, confirmation, apology: "I'm not sure, maybe it's a stupid idea, but don't you think we should call a team meeting again?"
  • Intention:  Creating proximity and a good working environment
  • Possible effect on male colleagues / employees: Impression of subservience and insecurity

Example 2: Subjunctive

  • Spoken in the subjunctive: “I would like to attend a seminar on negotiation. Would there still be a place and what would it cost? ”
  • Intention: Be constructive without playing into the foreground
  • Possible effect on male colleagues / employees: impression of indecision: “She doesn't know what she wants”

Example 3: Dominance

  • Let the boss hang out: “Chief Physician: Mr. Dr. Müller, you first go to room 10 to prepare for the operation, then to the embolism in 12 for follow-up care and then check the medication in 18. ”
  • Intention: Patz, create
  • Possible effect on male colleagues / employees: No problem, gratitude

That's the way men talk - 3 examples

Of course, the reverse is true - not everything that men mean is also taken up by women. But both could learn something from each other while communicating!

Example 1: Competitive behavior

  • Assertions, challenges, competitive language: Let me do it, give it to me, I'm an expert!
  • Intention: Game / ritual where you clear rank or autosuggestion
  • Possible effect on female colleagues and employees: Aggression, arrogance aggression, defense, defense

Example 2: Aggressiveness

  • Verbal attacks: “Well, you probably also gargle with gravel” or “I'd rather stand in front of the fridge. It's still warmer there than in your area. ”
  • Intention: Sports; maybe even a compliment
  • Possible effect on female colleagues and employees: Imagination of malignity and brutality, is usually perceived as personal.

Example 3: selfishness

  • Say "I" instead of "We": “I made the team successful” instead of “The team did an excellent job”
  • Intention: To draw attention to oneself, to show competence, to call for a sporting competition
  • Possible effect on female colleagues and employees: Demonstration of power, feeling of unpleasant arrogance

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English version: ISBN 9783965963979 (Translation notice)

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English version: ISBN 9783965963979 (Translation notice)

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