What really bring questions?
It is indeed a widespread view to keep people more intelligent, the faster, more persistent, more versatile and tireless they ask questions,
How are you if, for example, you hesitate to make a decision and are suddenly asked: "Are you unsure?" Is it easy for you to admit that you are unsure. Who wants to admit that he is undecided? Promptly the answer is rather like this: “No, not at all. I'm just thinking. ”
Or what is your response if you are directly addressed to your feelings? For example: "Are you worried?", "Are you overworked?" or "Are you angry now?" Without thinking too much, most people provide a rational explanation in the style of: "No, not at all, I was just comparing different options."
That sounds conclusive and is meaningless, because it does not mention what they were thinking about or which options were compared.
Question-free communication leads to real knowledge
Contrary to a long-standing tradition of expanding the questioning techniques more and more differentiated, this method assumes a totally different self-understanding: to make the conversation partner unsolicited, usually leads to findings that are not openly expressed by any question so clever.
Because many people shy away from addressing emotions such as doubt, hesitation and indecisiveness, or worries, concerns and fears, etc., the question-free style stands out from the dire, narrowing question maneuvers, which have more similarity to an interrogation than with an appreciative one Talk.
Always ask yourself if your counterpart is really open for a real dialogue
In quintessence, this means that questions are only relevant if the respondent is willing and open to address them. If this condition is not met, questions - and yet so differentiated - are always associated with the risk of provoking responses that sound socially desirable.
If you keep this in mind, you will pause before each of your questions to reflect on how willing and open-minded your counterpart will be. You will discover that you can do without three quarters of your questions, because the basic prerequisite for real dialogue is not at all.
Acceptance as a key for open communication
This method not only promotes the willingness to talk in the simple exchange of information, it also shows its special effect in the response of feelings. If you speak openly, what you just notice by the other side, you show resonance, that is, you are receptive to its sensations.
From the short "Are you unsure?" becomes a longer sentence: “I just have the impression that you are still undecided. Maybe my explanations were confusing. ” However, this procedure only has its full effect if you speak without a judgmental undertone, based on an accepting basic attitude. Then your tone has something almost casual.
By doing so, you convey that it is the most normal thing in the world to think or feel like your conversation partner is feeling. This accepting attitude in turn triggers the need to explain oneself. And surprisingly, that does not require any questions.
Only the naturalness with which you make a statement makes them something normal and natural. This contributes to relaxation and relief, but shows your tone that you remain completely calm and relaxed and find in what the other says, nothing special or unusual.
Interestingly enough, most people are more likely to spontaneously continue to do so than to have a question possible. After all, answering questions is always accompanied by an automatic control mechanism, in which the respondent also asks whether and to what extent the answer is suitable for leaving him in a good light or being socially desirable.
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