Hover above the clouds
Wise people ignore insults, for those who are annoyed about it, punish themselves for the mistakes of others. If you realize immediately that they are annoyed, give the attacker power over themselves, and you should not allow anyone.
Therefore, consider an attack and the situation from the outside and make the dispute the actual topic of the conversation. Take an example from the verse of German singer-songwriter Reinhard Mey: "Above the clouds ... what would seem big and important here would suddenly become void and small."
Get off on the Feldherren hill
What can help you with this is your own model, some call this the Inner Field Hill. If this is too militant for you, then imagine that you have angel wings for the same purpose and can always stand out for a different perspective, to look at something from the outside and beyond.
The idea of the angel wings creates an additional phenomenon. If you go through the city with it, you will experience that people actually leave you more room. Wings just need space ... The best way to get to the meta level is through ego messages or sentences like these:
- "Which rules apply here?"
- "Do we want to treat each other like this?"
- "How important is that?"
- "What should be discussed here in priority?"
- "Does that bring us closer to our goal?"
- "What shoud that?"
The last question forces a justification. You look at the situation from the outside and at the same time get your opponent out of his way of thinking. Through I-messages, we express expectations, desires, ideas and feelings. So do not pretend that we're unassailable or always cool when we're attacked!
First, we should first be aware of our feelings before we address them in the second step. This draws attention away from the attack on the relationship with the attacker. No one can say to you: "You feel wrong." Or: "You do not feel that way." Or: "That's not true." Once the relationship has been clarified, you will quickly find a solution on the factual level.
Save energy for the essentials
Also consider how important an issue is to you. Pick up your energy for the essentials. "You are absolutely incompetent!" Possible answers:
- "It may be that the report does not meet your expectations. Still, that's not a reason you treat me that way. "
- "I wondered about the blanket rejection of my proposal. Please explain in detail what exactly speaks against XY. "
- "Your statement is inappropriate."
- "I find that very hurtful!"
Another option is to address the other's behavior: "Mr. Miller, why are you reacting so indignantly now?"
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