By Shakespeare and Co
"Beware of strife, but it must be, so guide it so that your opponent is wary of you." said one of the English playwright mWilliam Shakespeare (1564 - 1616). Or, to put it in the words of an elderly peddler who complained to a young colleague that he was so often offended at the door "I was not opened, although I had an appointment, sent me away, slammed the door in my face, chased dogs after me. But offended - no one has ever offended me. "
Insult - a definition thing
Everyone defines 'insult' differently. The one is already offended when he is just viewed diagonally from the side: "What are you looking?" The next one does not even feel offended by bad words, takes them as an invitation to the game - or even as a praise. Like Captain Spock in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982) "I am Vulcan, I have no ego that can offend."
Decide for yourself
Decide where an impertinence ends, with which you just want to deal, and an offense begins which you will clearly reject. Easier you have it if you hang the bar for insults quite high. Nevertheless, you should accept that some things simply hurt and persist. The fact that you are trying to understand an offense is honorable, but it does not mean you have to accept it!
Tip: Insults always express an emotional state of excitement under which the language becomes inaccurate. That is, except in high security roads with lots of red buttons, mostly harmless. Verbal abuse is mainly due to the speaker. Nevertheless, if someone calls you 'Arschkrapfen', 'Diplompetze' or 'Erfolgsniete', he crosses a border. No one can do that! And then you act in justified self-defense.
Friendly but definite!
Of course, you do not fix a relationship by making it clear to the other person what a stupid dog he is. Instead, ask him what you deserve, that he deals with you this way. That's a friendly border and yet determined. Again, this is: "At this level, I will not talk to you. We take a break, adjourn the situation and then meet again. "
"You tell me what annoys you so we can talk about this topic in peace again."
Put the conversation on the scene
At Criticism ironic, loud, personal, or even punitive, would keep the conversation purely on the relationship level. The longer we stay there, the more difficult it is to get back to the scene. Stay elegant:
- Do not let the emotional mood, the loudness, and the degree of unfairness of the attacker impel you.
- Avoid justifying yourself.
- Do not make unnecessary explanations.
- Before the situation escalates, break the conversation responsibly.
Your personal basic law
No one can offend you, says the basic law. This also applies to you in your defense. Stay on your good level. They do not even need to be loud.
A firm but low voice, at least a bit quieter than that of your counterpart, can even be much more arduous. The most important rule for insults is to stifle attempts immediately!
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