Mental self-management in everyday life and job: Do not put your light under the bushel



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To be a good colleague or friend to others, I need compassion and empathy, but also clear limits and self-awareness. I need to know who I am, what I want and need. Whoever wants to do it all right here has a problem.

Mental self-management in everyday life and job: Do not put your light under the bushels of light-under-bushels

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Here writes for you: Tom Diesbrock is a psychologist, consultant, team developer and book author. Profile

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Everybody's Darling - a practical behavioral pattern

Overview

Do you know Everybody's Darling? Everybody's darling has a big ear for unspoken requests. Although he knows that he is being used, he always smiles, says yes to everything and amen, and does not show his anger - which he senses.

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And he secretly hopes that someone will notice how much trouble he has given himself and how unfair it is. But he overlooks how practical his behavioral pattern is for all involved.

Smiling always there for others?

Overview

His smile and his always good mood make his own Chef easy to have him granted. After all, everybody's darling also organizes every company party, constantly bringing along cake and birthday presents.

He also acts as a trouble-maker / aunt for anyone who has trouble. Who should want something to change? And who wants to know exactly how unhappy the victim is? He does not want it any different.

The stage of Everybody's Darling: The others

Overview

Private it may be similar. Everybody's darling revolves around the family, the partner, the children, the friends in the bowling club - everyone else is obviously more important than himself. Secretly he feels unseen and neglected, but he does not show his anger and sadness to anyone.

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On the I-stage of the Everybody's Darling, the all-all-right maker is the dominant figure. He has probably already learned in his childhood that only the one who is never upbeat and always friendly and always restores his desires is loved.

Whoever can do everything with himself is unsexy

Overview

The tragic thing is that while his behavior is determined by his need for affection, affection will scarcely be felt for him.

But on the contrary. Someone who is always nice and obedient and shows no rough edges will find you rather boring. Who lets everything with itself, is unsexy.

Know what you want

Overview

Anyone who understands this and is tired of being Everybody's Darling is facing a great challenge. Because for a long time you have focused exclusively on what others think and want from one.

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To navigate his own compass, one first has to find out what one thinks, feels and desires. And that will probably take some time and a lot of attention.

Shame and self-criticism

Overview

Some Everybody's darlings who have recognized their problem, for once enter a phase of self-criticism. How could I be so stupid ?!

It is terribly embarrassing, so much to woo the affection of others. So hard to go to court, of course, no one helps. At most, it is unsettling and leads to no longer trusting the path itself.

Identify the reasons of the behavior

Overview

Much cleverer than being ashamed and accusing is to study the roots of his scripts. Understanding the meaning of all-justification once for yourself and your environment makes it easier to accept that part of your personality.

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There is no evil intention behind it, but probably the childish attempt to protect oneself against rejection and devaluation.

Do not put your light under the bushel

Overview

Above all, those who want to survive in the world of work should give up the stupid habit of putting their light under the bushel and leaving the wheel to others. The motto here:

"You are you, and I am me. (...) I do mine; and you do yours. I am not in this world to fulfill your expectations. And you are not in this world to fulfill mine.

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