To the text

Better work, information as desired: We give you the information you really need and are committed to a better and more ecological working environment. When Book Publisher Best of HR – Berufebilder.de® with Unique Book Concept and eCourses we offer over 20 years of experience in Corporate Publishing - with Clients like Samsung, Otto, Governmental Institutions. Publisher Simone Janson also heads the Institute Berufebilder Yourweb, which awards scholarships and belongs to one of the top 10 female German bloggers, referenced in ARD, FAZ, ZEIT, WELT, Wikipedia .

Disclosure & Image Rights: Artwork created as part of a free collaboration with Shutterstock. 

Here writes for you:

84Tom Diesbrock is a psychologist, consultant, team developer and book author. Tom Diesbrock himself has had a winding career: starting with a medical degree, working on a music project and as a photo editor, he studied psychology and founded a practice for psychotherapy. Today he works in Hamburg as a coach and psychological consultant. One focus of his work is accompanying people in their professional reorientation. His book “Your horse is dead? Get off! ”Has been translated into several languages, and in October his new book“ Jetzt mal Butter bei die Fisch! ”Will be published. More information at tomdiesbrock.de All texts by Tom Diesbrock.

No more self-sabotage in everyday life and at work: stop getting in your way!

Avoiding conflict and striving for harmony at all costs, orienting oneself to the ideas of others and wanting to please everyone - these are childlike strategies that do not make us happy. And as long as we let other people unsettle us, we don't give ourselves the attention we need and deserve.

to-Self are not-off-the-

Who wants to provide harmony is burned

When Vera contacted me at the time, all she wanted was psychological advice to resolve the family conflict. She had often allowed herself to be pushed into similar helper roles by friends and colleagues.

Your Impulsto have to ensure harmony at all costs showed that you self-management didn't work in such a situation. With the consequence of letting yourself be easily instrumentalized against your own will and without taking care of your own well-being.

Someone who wants to create harmony for the devil has the best chance of being crushed and burned in the process. And whether he is really thanked for his help is another matter.

"I do everything for the shop"

“I really do everything for the store, I'm the first in the morning and usually turn off the light in the evening. But do you think I will be thanked for that? Everyone just dumps their work on me. ›Can you just ...‹, I hear all the time. I don't even want to leave my office anymore. Because I'm guaranteed to be approached by someone in front of the door who wants something from me. "

"And then you do what is asked of you?"

Tip: Text as PDF (please read the instructions!) or to this text complete eCourse or series Download. Actions or news via Newsletter!

(quietly) "Mostly yes. That's not that good, is it? But what should I do? Everyone is nice to me and I don't want to offend anyone. "

"You mean you would offend your colleagues if you also said no?"

Suddenly bitchy?

“Well, they only know me like that. What would you think if I suddenly feel bitchy and only think about myself? "

"Bitchy?"

"It would be selfish if I refused to help others, wouldn't it?"

“I find your point of view pretty black and white. So far, they say, put up with everything. And the alternative would be not to help anyone anymore? Isn't there maybe a middle ground? "

“But then I would have to say no more often. And I can't do that at all! I've never been able to. Or actually tell someone to the face that I don't feel like doing their job? Oh God!"

"Just the thought makes you really stressed?"

"Oh yes, I can tell that I'm blushing." (Softly) "... And I don't want any either Warning got because of refusal to work. At my age I can't find a job anywhere. "

What would happen if ...?

"Do you really think that you could be given a warning if you were no longer quite so docile?"

“Well, it could be.” (Is silent for a while) “No, probably not. my Manager knows for sure what he's got in me. He always praises me for my commitment. Mostly in order to immediately post something like: ›Can you look through these documents as soon as possible?‹ "

"What would you like to change?"

“It would be good if I didn't always say yes and amen to everything so quickly. Somebody once gave me the tip to answer more often: ›I don't have a clear head at the moment. I'll think about it and come back to you later. ‹"

"That wouldn't be a bad answer, would it?"

"And I could also say: 'Unfortunately I can't do that at the moment.'"

"Exactly."

The desire to be liked

"Oh no, I'm just not like that. I can not do that. I'm just an ›everybody's darling‹. I want to be liked by everyone and I do everything for that. "

"And you mean, you can't change that?"

(very softly) “Maybe. I don't even know how. ”(Louder)“ Oh no, you know how things are with my self-confidence. I would prefer if YOU speak to my colleagues and the boss and ask them not to overwhelm me with work anymore ... "(sighs deeply)" But that is not possible either. It's my own fault. I am a coward. And totally conflict-averse. You can't do anything about that ... "

Vera had obviously been caught off guard by her helper syndrome. After we had found out, she resolved to stay out of the game from now on and not play the game any more.

Buy text as PDF

Acquire this text as a PDF (only for own use without passing it on according to TERMS & CONDITIONS): Please send us an eMail with the desired title to support [at] berufebilder.de, we will then send the PDF to you immediately. You can also purchase text series.

3,99 Book now

Find out more - our books on the subject

Or for a little more directly buy a whole book or eCourse on this topic, read on. Here you will find a suitable selection.

Buy eCourse on Demand

Up to 30 lessons with 4 learning tasks each + final lesson as a PDF download. Please send us an eMail with the desired title to support [at] berufebilder.de. Alternatively, we would be happy to put your course together for you or offer you a personal, regular one eMail-Course - all further information!

19,99 Book now

  • book review




    book review




    book review




    book review




    book review

  • book review




    book review




    book review




    book review




    book review

  • book review




    book review




    book review




    book review




    book review

  • book review




    book review




    book review




    book review




    book review

2 responses to "No more self-sabotage in everyday life and at work: stop getting in your way!"

  1. Thomas Eggert says:

    Mental self-management in everyday life & job - Part 1: Stop getting in the way ... via PROFESSIONAL IMAGES - Recommended contribution ok4x3X2fMO

  2. REGIS GMBH says:

    Mental self-management in everyday life & job - Part 1: Stop getting in the way ... via PROFESSIONAL IMAGES - Recommended contribution OaxCvAPpnA

Post a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked with * .

Ja, I would like to be informed about the latest promotions and offers via Newsletter be informed.

I hereby accept the Debate Rules and the Privacy policy with the possibility to contradict the use of my data at any time.

EnglishDeutsch