Mental self-boycott: advanced hopelessness

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Some people like to play the victim and then push for hopelessness instead of taking action.

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Here writes for you:


Tom Diesbrock 84Tom Diesbrock is a psychologist, consultant, team developer and book author.


From the author:




I do not know what the new job might look like

There are people who still beat their bolts with the hammer in the wall. You may guess that this may not be the best way, but do not know better tools. Instead of finding out and looking for a tool to fasten their screws more successfully (screwdrivers!), They insist on not knowing where and how they might look. No idea, no alternative.

It looks like this: “I would like to start looking for a new job - but I don't know what it could look like. Unfortunately I have no ideas at all. I only know that I would rather give up my current job today than tomorrow. But as long as I don't know where I want to go, I'd better stay where I am right now. ” And now?

Lack of ideas or no desire to search

Only brave people and those who really can no longer stand their situation quit their employment without an alternative in the Sense (or even an employment contract in your pocket). The others go in search of it - or stay where they are and explain this with their lack of ideas. They have probably never really looked for alternatives.

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This strategy follows an impressively simple logic: “I simply don't know which job I might like. So I leave everything as it is. ” The possibility that there could be an interesting job that one is just not aware of is consistently hidden. But why?

A tunnel without exits

People who have followed a job for a very long time often have no idea what alternatives it can offer them. It then seems to them that the usual job is the only possible - because they have avoided so far, sometimes look beyond their own.

But when things are getting unbearable and it is impossible to imagine holding out for the time until retirement in the previous way, the situation seems hopeless. Like driving through a tunnel that has no exits. Then all that remains is “I just have to go through it!”

There are alternatives - you just have to know them

Objectively speaking, there are a number of possibilities for each reorienter - better and worse, some are associated with disadvantages, others need training or appear to be difficult to realize at first glance.

If I do not know my alternative yet, it is obvious that I am looking for, research, examine, question, reject, make a closer selection and finally make a decision. This search process requires commitment, time and the courage to deal with new issues.

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Confronting one's own borders

Perhaps the most difficult thing to do is to confront one's own limitations: when I deal with an attractive professional idea, I do not miss the question of my competences.

This question is more than unpleasant for many people when their self-image is gapped and negative. So a search process is not exactly a walk - no wonder we meet with resistance!

Faith gives security?

From this point of view, our strategy of “advanced hopelessness” makes perfect sense: I'd rather stick to my belief that I have no professional alternative than to deal with the pitfalls of searching for it.

This also explains the vehemence with which many defend their lack of ideas - not only to themselves, but also to others. Because we often involve other people in order to confirm our internal resistance.

Complaints rather than action

You certainly know people who use every opportunity to complain about their job and then stress that they do not see an alternative for themselves or that there is simply no one.

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This statement probably triggers the impulse to make constructive suggestions and possibly make a real effort to find them. You want to be rewarded with a sentence like: “Yes, that's a great idea; I could really try that, thank you! ”

The supporter who confirms the hopelessness

Unfortunately, he will never come when the apparently seeking advice follows the strategy of hopelessness: on the contrary, he will do everything possible to explain every proposal and every puzzle piece of an idea as personally inappropriate and unrealizable. Because he does not really want to hear a good idea, but only in his hopelessness to be strengthened.

The ideal goal of such a conversation is achieved for him if the willing supporter realizes that there is really no alternative for the poor dissatisfied.

The needy who does not want help

In the end, there is usually frustration and sometimes anger, because the helper notices that his opponent does not want to be helped at all. Over such a dynamic, even friendships can easily get into a crisis!

What about you? Do you occasionally invest in energy to tell yourself and others again and again that you do not see a career alternative?

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  1. Jens

    Good text

  2. Karin

    But for many this is also pure self-defense: Many companies simply expect too much from their employees - and the requirements are getting higher and higher: But of course, with such a massive oversupply - all work has long been outsourced to Cina, including development activities - you are allowed to also achieve that, believe the companies.

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