Guiding satire: The speech and the motto


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“Hannes Manages” is a satire from and about the management floors. And Hannes wonders how to be Executive good news among people. Leadership Management-leadership1

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Stefan Häseli Stefan Häseli Portrait 1_quadrStefan Häseli is an advisor for organizational development.

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How do you proclaim a “good news”?

Hannes sits listlessly in front of the computer. Time is running out. As the CEO of an international industrial group, he must inform the workforce this afternoon about the company's awkward financial position.

This not-really-joyful message surpasses the announcement that a large part of the production is moved to Asia.

Ladies and gentlemen…

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am going to step in front of you today to inform you about a drastic measure," Hannes begins to type. "Pedaling" - that sounds too much like "kicking the smith" - too dramatic. So more directly: “Ladies and gentlemen” - this is probably formal, distant, Hannes shoots through his head. "Dear Colleagues". Exactly, that expresses appreciation, that's the guiding principle.

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So: “Dear employees, I am informing you today about an incisive….” - No, Hannes doesn't like that. “Cutting-edge measure” sounds as if we had to close the business. We only move to where the markets are. Basically we go closer to the customer. Exactly, we want “customer proximity”. That does not sound like dismantling, but after establishing new distribution channels. Hannes gets going.

Positive sound

"Dear Colleagues. I am happy to inform you about our new strategy for more customer proximity. Bringing the distribution channels closer together is the recipe, but it also demands victims ”. No, “victim” doesn't work at all.

Change projects are “opportunities”. "We have a unique opportunity to position ourselves better in the market with the realignment." Yes, that fits. It should sound positive. None of "shrinking healthy" that would mean that we were "sick" before.

Even more good news

“Focus on the core core businesses” - yes, that has to be done. "The reasons for this realignment are mainly market influences from low-wage countries". “Market influences” - Hannes cuts out the word, it gives the impression of external determination. “We are adapting to technological and demagogic change and are an active player in globalization”. It's good. Hannes senses that it is right to communicate such happy messages personally.

The speech is to be enriched with a few well-meaning adjectives such as 'sustainable', 'result-oriented', 'stage-right', 'win-win', 'optimized', 'slender' and indispensable nouns such as 'state-of-the-art' , 'Civilization', 'thought-provoking'.

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To symbolize cohesion

If we set a coherent framework motto, Hannes thinks, the mood this afternoon will top that of the anniversary event. Hannes thinks. “Fit for future” that sounds good. Abbreviated with 'fi-fo-fu', it is cosmopolitan with a matching Asia touch. Hannes has 'fi-fo-fu' skewers in mind, which not only promote employee cohesion, but also symbolize it.

We all fight the same spit, he thought, proud to have found a speech. With these he was normally on war. We are right on the point that it hurts the others and the fattest pieces hang. Hannes is convinced that he lands a rhetorical joke. With fish for, fi, fo fo and fox for fu, he not only finds the appropriate meat ingredients to this culinary-psychological metaphor, but also the symbolic content for the reorientation: fish for adaptation, foals for dynamic, energetic and fast, fox for smart. Hannes is satisfied with himself.

Fi-Fo-Fu or fit-for-future

The screen now reads: “Dear employees. I am happy to inform you about our new sustainable strategy for more results-oriented customer proximity. We have the unique opportunity to position ourselves in the lean and optimized market with a realignment in line with the level. We adapt to technological and demagogic change and are an active player in globalization. In doing so, we are increasingly focusing on our strengths and the central core businesses and with this state-of-the-art we are creating a win-win culture of debate that provides us with a culture of permanent food for thought. That is why I am pleased to invite you to fish foals and fox skewers true to our new motto “Fi-Fo-Fu” (fit-for-future) ”.

Hannes looks at the clock - the orientation is going on soon and he has to order the fish. Hopefully, he will get everyone.

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  1. firm-job

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  2. Competencepartner

    Führungs-Satire Hannes managt – 1/10: Die Rede & das Motto von Stefan Häseli: “Hannes managt” … - Highly recommended RZIORirUTY #Profession # Education

  3. REGIS GMBH

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  4. Thomas Eggert

    Führungs-Satire Hannes managt – 1/10: Die Rede & das Motto von Stefan Häseli via B E R U F E B I L D E R - Highly recommended UeRafMURZF

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