Leadership satire: The new mission statement


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Hannes returns to work. The management has just developed a new mission statement. But what exactly does that mean? Leadership management-leadership-satire8


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Stefan Häseli Stefan Häseli Portrait 1_quadrStefan Häseli is an advisor for organizational development.

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New mission statement - and now?

The last two days he spent in a pleasant seminar hotel in a Klausurworkshop. Participants were the members of the management. They had withdrawn from the hectic everyday life to develop a new mission statement.

That was also badly needed after the Company had changed dramatically: outsourcing of production and strengthening of its two core competencies, sales and marketing. That sounds good, Hannes is aware of that. Ultimately, however, it means that most of the business today is done in Far Eastern foreign countries. Here are merely staff departments such as personnel, finance and just the marketing settled.

The mission statement

In the future, five new guidelines will clearly, unambiguously and unmistakably show what is important to the company:

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  1. Our employees are the most important asset.
  2. Our customers are our focus.
  3. We take our social responsibility confidently.
  4. Our finances are on good terms.
  5. Our development serves our progress and takes place continuously.

That is the result of the two days. Now it is a matter of preparing texts for the implementation of the guiding principles in order to discuss and adopt them in a new workshop. Each member of the executive board received a sentence and must present a text proposal by the end of next week. "Our customers are our focus," was Hannes democratically assigned.

The customer is our focus

He is aware that he has once again made the most unpleasant sentence. He goes into contemplation: “For years, services have been reduced, prices increased, the product range reduced, personal contacts replaced by a web info box and interns in an outsourced call center in Ireland.

And now he should make it clear to the customer with a few sentences that they will be served better than ever. ” Well ... it's not up to him to ask philosophical questions, he's in the same boat. The company is under pressure and inevitably has to go along.

To make tangible the concrete customer benefit

“Our focus is on our customers”. How can you phrase this sentence in more concrete terms? Hannes thinks in customer-oriented formulations. "With our new, compact product range, you always have an overview and save time to work through a confusing offer."

It could go in this direction. "With our new web info box, you can address your concerns to us at any time - even in the middle of the night." That is quite an advance. Consider that in the middle of the night the customer has a thought, gropes for the smartphone on the bedside table, types in the request and continues to sleep. He no longer has to take office hours into account.

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In addition, he has a few days after entering the information to look for solutions himself, because the standardized 72 hours will surely pass before someone finally reports from the company. Hannes is now with the next sentence: "With clear standards in the response times, you can plan your day-to-day work precisely". That means in plain text that nothing works for three days. But since this is clear from the start, nobody expects anything beforehand.

The price increase

Now the reason for the price increase of the past two years is still missing. "Thanks to a market-oriented price structure, you benefit from a transparent benchmark with our competitors." That sounds good. You do not know what sets you apart from the competition, but you do not have to discuss the price anymore because it is the same and agreed anyway. You just don't have to say it.

The mission statement is slowly filling up with content. Hannes convinced himself: "It is important that a mission statement does not remain a paper tiger, but is lived in everyday life thanks to concrete customer benefits and is experienced positively by the customer". He is glad that he has created an effective benefit ...


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  1. Natalia Singer

    RT @SimoneJanson: Leadership satire Hannes manages - 8 / 10: The new mission statement - - Highly recommended 5IWUOIn4wh

  2. Competencepartner

    Management satire Hannes manages - 8 / 10: The new mission statement of Stefan Häseli: Hannes returns to his ... - Highly recommended Q9rUqXElR4 #Creation #Education

  3. REGIS GMBH

    Leadership Satire Hannes Manages - 8 / 10: The new mission statement by Stefan Häseli via BERUFEBILDER - Highly recommended C7RmpuKL6W

  4. Thomas Eggert

    Leadership Satire Hannes Manages - 8 / 10: The new mission statement by Stefan Häseli via BERUFEBILDER - Highly recommended RpCz9HfyxU

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