My daughter Felicitas, a communicative cheerful nature, has no problem asserting herself in the family context of the four sisters. She recently told me proudly that her classmate Bettina had taken her to bouldering. Felicitas had only climbed so far, but not bouldering. Bettina, on the other hand, had been there several times.
Nevertheless, it soon became clear that Felicitas managed to create routes where Bettina was struggling without success. Felicitas described that she had deliberately chosen other routes so Bettina did not realize that she was better than she was.
When I asked Felicitas why she did not want Bettina to notice, she simply replied irritably, "Well, how do you think she would feel when she sees that I can do it better, even though she's been practicing for a while ? That would have been frustrating for her! "
The desire for equality
Felicitas' consideration could hardly be more typical: Because "among girls" it is unthinkable to give the girlfriend the feeling that she is weaker, slower, worse than herself. Even if that is obviously the case, "woman" definitely does not want that the other person feels bad about it. Among women, when the others are important, there is a form of solidarity in which everyone is anxious for everyone to feel that they belong and "feel the same".
Working in Dreamteam
For many women, their own desire for community through equality and (perceived) equality is very strong. This very feminine solidarity is recognizable in many variations.
Antonella, a young and committed employee in a publishing house, has a clear idea of making a career in her company. She was hired by Daniela, a colleague who was her supervisor, but she is meanwhile equal.
The two get along well and work well together. They represent each other where necessary, and on the other hand cover specific areas that the other person does not like. A kind of "dream team" as Antonella calls it.
Leave the colleague in the lurch?
Daniela is about 15 years older, enjoys her job as he is, and does not want any kind of change. You probably already suspect the conflict? Both of you Chef Antonella had already announced an attractive promotion.
When Antonella came to me, she was in a big conflict: on the one hand, she was very tempted by the offered position, because she was exactly what she wanted and she felt very "seen" with her dedication and skills.
On the other hand, she was tormented by the idea of not only abandoning Daniela, but also of "overtaking" her. Where she had picked her then, for which she was still very grateful to her today.
Would you rather feel bad yourself?
Like Felicitas, Antonella does not even come up with the idea (or is it afraid?) Of confronting her friend and colleague with her. Too big are the concerns that "the other" might feel bad. Do you prefer to feel bad yourself?
Belonging to women is closely linked to the feeling of being "equal". Women who "excite" often have a bad stance among women. A character that is very contrary to the male!
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