React correctly to criticism: Allow feedback


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Text comes from: Überzeugend leise!: Wie stille Menschen ihre Stärken wirkungsvoll nutzen (2014)Feedback: Nur was erreicht, kann auch bewegen (2015) by Chris Wolf, Heinz Jiranek, published by BusinessVillage Verlag, Reprints by friendly permission of the publisher.
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But how do you, after the first insult, come along reasonably Feedback around? It helps - more than giving in to the contradiction impulse - often a very simple means: the question.

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Here writes for you:

 

Chris Wolf Chris-WolfChris Wolf Graduate in psychology and book author.

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Here writes for you:

 

Heinz Jiranek Heinz-JiranekHeinz Jiranek, psychologist and coach.

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Questions and awareness

As an instrument for self- and impulse control use the questions even if you do not want to know anything!

When Odysseus let himself be tied to the mast so as not to divulge himself to the seduction of the sirens, more precisely his own emotions towards the ladies, he acted similarly. He tied himself to something to save himself - with open ears, by the way.

Move the communication pressure

The question as a means of communication also shifts the communication "pressure" to the other. He must now think, clarify, explain, clarify.

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And while this happens, perceived as threatening feedback often loses its experienced attack character.

When feedback comes to curiosity

And quite by the way, this often creates much more clarity than would have been the case with a first formulation of the feedback.

Even better, of course, if the feedback meets your curiosity.

  • How does he get it?
  • What does it mean?
  • What is he referring to?
  • What was she doing most?

What does the feedback provider price?

Thus, the feedback provider shares at least as much as about me. As a feedback recipient, I get the ratings, the standards, the sensitivities, the wishes of my feedback. And that makes the exchange interesting!

The useful acceptance of feedback is, therefore, the awareness of the internal processes that take place during the conflict, and there are a few means of communication, such as questions that are helpful. However, the inner attitude with which one encounters the feedback is decisive.

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Working on the inner attitude

The inner attitude of the feedback recipient thus is to understand feedback processes simply as an exchange of prejudices. As the comparison of different perspectives, none of which will be true. Both of them show angles, and this is perfectly legitimate.

The internal attitude of the feedback recipient also includes not asking the feedback provider for the perfect formulation of the feedback. He expresses his request as he puts it.

The inner attitude

The attitude might be: Even if it does not fit me, even if the tone, the example does not like, but I am already interested in how the other comes to his judgment.

It is part of the attitude in resonance feedback to be aware that the feedback provider has made energetic efforts; Even if we do not like the type and content of the feedback: once it has been expressed, then “you can talk about it”.

Ensure freedom of movement

Of course, this can only work if the participants have freedom of communication. A hasty, mutual interruption and a quick “hip it was different…” or a “see-you-wrong” bullet narrows and limits.

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Thus resonance feedback is based on a simple but indispensable agreement: we are both in turn, one after the other. One speaks, the other hears. The other one who hears one speaks. And if one makes the right to express his view on things, then the same right must apply to the other as well.

Accepting feedback with positive content

Does this only apply to negative feedback? Not at all. Receiving feedback with positive content is at least as difficult. The receiver will do well to hear it.

And yet something sets in here that runs counter to the philosophy of resonance feedback. The timid touch of the compliment recipient takes hold. Blushing internally or externally, we save ourselves with a “Thank you, yes, of course, um, gladly!”

Fishing for Compliments - indecent or important?

We were taught fishing for compliments, which is indecent. Resonance feedback, however, “demands” this fishing. Yes, we not only consider it decent, but even necessary and purposeful to openly accept feedback that does us good and to question it!

Because often “positive” feedbacks - because (unfortunately) unusual - are also associated with a certain embarrassment on the part of the feedback provider and therefore come in the form of generalizing praise.

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What exactly does the feedback mean?

“With our CRM project, you really got involved, I just wanted to tell you. Class!"

The communicative softeners blur the detail. What exactly is meant is hidden in the pink mist.

  • What does it mean?
  • Through work performance?
  • The way of structuring the project or taking the affected colleagues with you?
  • Through the clear flow of information?
  • Through the detailed knowledge?
  • By the way of the presentation or the documentation?
  • Or is it really “over-hung”?
  • Was it enough to just hang in there?
  • How does my feedback assess my success?

And and and. This can lead to a very interesting conversation, and you will learn a lot about yourself.

The dogs do not sleep!

When accepting “positive” feedback, there is a second hurdle to overcome. It is important to realize that this form of demand will not awaken sleeping dogs. Why? It's simple: the dogs don't sleep!

Resonance feedback will have a positive impact. The feedback recipient not only receives feedback, which he feels as positive, but also helps the feedback provider to specify it.

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Conclusion: Allow resonance!

In order to deal with feedback in such a way that it benefits, it is important to know something about insults and how to deal with them. Understanding feedback as an exchange of different perspectives (and never the “truth”) simply requires practice as well as understanding.

It is important to face the feedback with an appropriate mildness as far as formulations are concerned. One must and should be able to talk about it, especially if one has learned to have the direct resistance to resistance under control.


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  1. Laura Dorn

    There is always more criticism! Productivity and efficiency are becoming more and more important in our well-organized and fully automated working life, people fall by the wayside. What a shame!

  2. Peter

    Criticism and errors are an important topic for many companies, and I was pleased to see that this important topic is finally receiving attention.

  3. Culture change

    Handling #Feedback - 3 / 3: Allow Feedback | Berufebilder - Exciting contributionBGuMSWo9YH

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