Envy: The Unimagined Calculus of Humans
For a few months now I have been waking up to the subject of envy, wakened by my own experience - for myself as well as for others. And I found: There are differences between small everyday envy, for example on the new chic top from colleague A or the new car from colleague B, but also far more dangerous forms that are often characterized by the dynamization of such everyday jealousy.
When the envious admiration of the beautiful top slowly grows into the envy of the figure, the performance, and other areas, it does not take long for the actually positive element of envy of admiration to add a negative moment of envy.
The distorted image in secret
This is the beginning of the speeches, the first remarks and the environment contributes or dampens the opinion. In any case, however, a development takes place which, without the active involvement of the persons affected and above all in secret, can lead to a distorted image.
At the same time, however, this means that followers will find a speech tube. It is precisely the passive endurance which is a danger to those affected: it offers an extension of the working space by doing nothing - even if the silvers do not agree with the opinion of the opposite, they give the envious person a stage.
This creates a complex network of relationships between envious, envied person and silent sufferers. Of course, this is just a thinking model and the actual balance of power may also look different. At the core, however, one thing becomes clear: envy is excluded.
In this respect, encouragement can only come from the ranks of the sufferers, since they have the information at all to warn the envied.
Of course, the envied also notices that something is wrong. Sometimes, however, you simply perceive this feeling as a temporary phenomenon and do not really measure it.
In a social network moves a person who constantly attracts attention through disputes with third parties. At first, this is not perceived as the person appears very friendly. At some point, this person uses their professional status and in the end you feel in a situation that you no longer understand.
How to handle enviers?
Of course, it often seems easy to get help - after all, you can block users. However, social networks as a special form of communication have the disadvantage that a) communication takes place without the person concerned on the stage and b) all statements can be found by search functions.
Similar things can be heard from the universities, where fellow students, out of sheer envy, do not allow grades or work materials to disappear. The situation could be as follows: Two people do not like each other and while one person speaks badly, the other person ignores it and annoys him in silence.
If the envy would jump out of the face
The fellow students stand by and feel themselves forced into a decision: many are silent, others are taking part. In a classic way, as shown in the model, it happens that the envy is so dynamic, the work material disappears, word messages are mimic and / or gesticulated, or the volume exponentially increases. How do you deal with such people and situations?
It would be much easier if people were to speak envy literally off the face. Thus many a very beautiful person would become a grimace, or with his fingers, which could be pointed like arrows, would hurt other people directly. But since this is more of a wish than an actual event to be expected, the following information is worthwhile.
3 Tips for dealing with Neidernes
- Tolerance is never a way out. If a person speaks retrospectively, one should point out to these people that they do not agree with it. If no reassurance occurs, you should go to the envied person and inform about it.
- Transparency is important. Whoever thinks that it will somehow clarify, must be aware that passivity is also a form of encouragement. To this extent, efforts should be made to create transparency in such situations by acting either through active communication or through passive avoidance of this person.
- Consider criminal law consequences. Especially in work situations, it is difficult to decide, but it is worth the envious person to show the consequences.
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