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Text comes from the book: “Wuselmanagement: How to avoid self-sabotage and win over your inner critic” (2013), published by BusinessVillage Verlag, reprinted with the kind permission of the publisher.

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Best of HR – Berufebilder.de®Claudia Hupprich is a management consultant for DAX companies and medium-sized companies. She is a sparring partner for people who want to gain clarity about their goals in the increasingly digital and agile world and want to implement them successfully. For more than 20 years she has been supporting people and organizations who are (or want to be) in a process of change. Her customers include DAX companies, medium-sized companies and individuals alike. Hupprich is the founder and managing partner of the consulting @ work consultancy, Top 11 Coach D / A / CH (manager magazin 8/2019), finalist GSA Newcomer Award, Certified Professional Speaker and Certified Master Coach. Your new book "Success Journey - The Success Journey to Your Goals" was published in January 2020 by Haufe-Verlag. More information at www.claudia-hupprich.com All texts by Claudia Hupprich.

Inner critics releasing blockages & fears: what is your label?

Each of us knows the "inner critic". He interferes in our thoughts and actions without being asked. He supposedly gives us benevolent advice and admonishes us to do what we must, must, or are not allowed to do.
bustle

What is actually a wusel?

I call this inner critic "Wusel". There is the dwarf maker, the dark seer, the howling buoy or the print maker. You know that limiting beliefs, inner values ​​and unfavorable strategies are important building blocks of every hustle and bustle.

Therefore, it is now time to pursue the question of where these scraps actually come from. You can not find them on the shelves of the department stores, you can not order them on the Internet, but they arise in us, are suddenly there.

"The grip on the hot plate"

Because there is always an origin - if you will, a kind of birthplace of wusels. In order to understand where the respective beliefs, values ​​and strategies and thus also their own wusel come, it takes a time journey into the own past.

"Be careful, don't touch it, the stove top is hot!" Is well-intentioned advice that small children hear when they approach a stove that is still hot. Have you ever had the experience of what it feels like to actually touch a hot plate?

Not every experience brings meaningful insights

If so, you may still remember the pain that occurred. After such an experience, the insight and the associated caution remains, it is better not to put your hand on a hot stove again. The experience “Caution hot, hands off!” Resulting from this learning experience is extremely useful.

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Unfortunately, the learning experiences that large and small people collect during their lifetime are not always as meaningful as in the hotplate example.

Mental blockages arise in childhood

Rather, we often draw conclusions from what we have experienced that are neither meaningful nor coherent, but instead lead to mental blockages being built up and hustle and bustle created. The birth of a bustle can take place at any time. Mostly, however, the hour of birth is far in the past, because the foundations for Wusel are often laid very early in childhood, when small people are given or inherited by tall people.

The children's world is therefore full of sentences that are said by great people and that are heard and interpreted in completely different ways by children's ears. But that's not all. As if the “private logic of small people” wasn't already challenging enough, there is also the phenomenon of sticking labels.

What children really listen to

There are a few children who are told with a certain intention of great people, but show a completely different effect in small people. What do children like, for example?

  • "Don't touch that, or it'll break."
  • "Yes, you are tired."
  • "Pull yourself together, boys don't cry."
  • "Hurry up, you're wasting our time again."
  • "You can certainly do that much better."
  • "You do not do something like that!"
  • "Try harder!"
  • "Don't do things by halves."
  • "Always do your best."
  • "You are just like your father / mother / grandpa / etc."
  • "If you continue like this, you will never achieve anything."

Well meant is not good

Some of these sentences seem well meant, others just thoughtless. However, the statement that reaches the child is often very different from what was actually said. The sentence “Don't touch that, or it will break!” Can, if it has been heard often enough, be understood as “I am clumsy and always break everything”.

The constant urge to pull yourself together may teach the child that it is far more desirable to be in control and not allow feelings. And does “stop doing things by halves and try harder!” Perhaps also mean that Error are undesirable or everything has to be downright perfect?

Help, my label

Many small people are already given a label of parents, teachers and other people from their surroundings. There are the lazy, the timid, the dreamer, the zappelphillip, the classclown, the no-purpose, the stranger, the fighter. Some children sooner or later rebel against these labels and develop into the exact opposite.

Other children, however, do not do this and take the label into the adult age. They take what someone has said about them into their own repertoire of beliefs without asking themselves whether the supposed truth of what they hear is right and helpful to them.

Limiting beliefs

They adopt limiting beliefs, inner values ​​and unfavorable strategies of other people and integrate them into their own imagination. They assume the basics for a buzz without any ifs or buts.

Eric Berne, an American psychiatrist and founder of the transactional analysis (a psychological theory of human personality structure), already recognized mid-20. Century that adult people can be brought into a childlike, self-limiting state.

He called this mode the so-called “child me” and distinguished it from the “parent me” and “adult me”. A person who is in the “child-me” makes himself smaller than he really is and experiences the world around him from a child's perspective.

Caution Dwarven

Incidentally, this is an Eldorado for Wusel like the Dwarven maker. He can do this either from the perspective of a more defensive, adapted child and respond to the environment in a resigned, anxious, uncertain, helpless or inhibited way, depending on the context.

Or he can take the perspective 15 of an aggressive, rebellious child and be capricious, insolent, angry, hateful, whining or dissatisfied.

I can do that - and not!

In addition to the mostly problematic state of the "child ego" there is another, no less problematic state, namely that of the "parent ego". Do you know it when your own inner voice tells you what you are not allowed to do, what you have to do, what you should or should not do?

In this state one experiences oneself inwardly as reproaching, accusing, condemning, judgmental, punishing, prohibiting and authoritarian. Wusel like the printmaker or the rule fanatic find this condition optimal, the person who is in this condition tends not to Communication can of course not only be experienced in internal dialogue, but also in communication with others.

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