What is actually a wusel?
I call this inner critic "Wusel". There is the dwarf maker, the dark seer, the howling buoy or the pressure maker. They know that limiting beliefs, inner values and unfavorable strategies are important building blocks of every bustle.
Therefore, it is now time to pursue the question of where these scraps actually come from. You can not find them on the shelves of the department stores, you can not order them on the Internet, but they arise in us, are suddenly there.
“The grip on the hot hob”
Because there is always an origin - if you will, a kind of birthplace of wusels. In order to understand where the respective beliefs, values and strategies and thus also their own wusel come, it takes a time journey into the own past.
"Careful, don't count on it, the hotplate is hot!" Is well-intentioned advice that small children hear when they approach a hotplate that is still hot. Have you ever had the experience of what it feels like to actually touch a hot plate that is still hot?
Not every experience brings meaningful insights
If so, you may still remember the pain. After such an experience, the insight and associated caution remains, better not to put your hand on a hot stove again. The experience created by this learning experience “Caution hot, fingers away!” makes a lot of sense.
Unfortunately, the learning experiences that large and small people collect during their lifetime are not always as meaningful as in the hotplate example.
Mental blockages arise in childhood
Rather, we often draw conclusions from what we have experienced that are neither meaningful nor coherent, but instead lead to mental blockages being built up and hustle and bustle created. The birth of a bustle can take place at any time. Mostly, however, the hour of birth is far in the past, because the foundations for Wusel are often laid very early in childhood, when small people are given or inherited by tall people.
The children's world is therefore full of sentences that are said by tall people and are heard and interpreted completely differently by children's ears. But that's not all. As if the “private logic of small people” were not already challenging enough, there is also the phenomenon of label sticking.
What children really listen to
There are a few children who are told with a certain intention of great people, but show a completely different effect in small people. What do children like, for example?
- "Don't touch it, otherwise it will break."
- "Yes, you are tired."
- "Pull yourself together, boys don't cry."
- "Hurry up, you're wasting our time again."
- "I'm sure you can do that much better."
- "You do not do such a thing!"
- "Try harder!"
- "Don't do things by halves."
- "Always do your best."
- "You are just like your father / mother / grandpa / etc."
- "If you go on like this, you will never make it."
Well meant is not good
Some of these sentences appear well-meant, others just rash. However, the statement that is received by the child often differs significantly from what was actually said. The sentence “Don't touch that, otherwise it will break!” If it has been heard enough, it can be understood as "I am awkward and always break everything".
The constant urge to pull oneself together may teach the child that it is much more desirable to stay in control and not allow feelings. And means "Do not do things by halves and make an effort!" maybe that mistakes are undesirable or that everything always has to be perfect?
Help, my label
Many small people are already given a label of parents, teachers and other people from their surroundings. There are the lazy, the timid, the dreamer, the zappelphillip, the classclown, the no-purpose, the stranger, the fighter. Some children sooner or later rebel against these labels and develop into the exact opposite.
Other children, however, do not do this and take the label into the adult age. They take what someone has said about them into their own repertoire of beliefs without asking themselves whether the supposed truth of what they hear is right and helpful to them.
They adopt limiting beliefs, inner values and unfavorable strategies of other people and integrate them into their own imagination. They assume the basics for a buzz without any ifs or buts.
Eric Berne, an American psychiatrist and founder of the transactional analysis (a psychological theory of human personality structure), already recognized mid-20. Century that adult people can be brought into a childlike, self-limiting state.
He called this mode the so-called "child-I" and differentiated it from the "parent-I" and "adult-I". A person who is in the “child-me” makes himself smaller than he really is and experiences the world around him from a child's perspective.
Incidentally, this is an Eldorado for Wusel like the Dwarven maker. He can do this either from the perspective of a more defensive, adapted child and respond to the environment in a resigned, anxious, uncertain, helpless or inhibited way, depending on the context.
Or he can take the perspective 15 of an aggressive, rebellious child and be capricious, insolent, angry, hateful, whining or dissatisfied.
I can do that - and not!
In addition to the mostly problematic state of the “child ego”, there is another, no less problematic state, namely that of the “parent ego”. Do you know that when your own inner voice tells you what you are not allowed to do, what you have to do, what you should or should not do?
In this state, you experience yourself as reproachful, accusing, judging, judging, punishing, forbidding and authoritarian. Wusel like the pressure maker or the rule fanatic find this state optimal, the person who is in the state tends not to find it. Of course, this know-it-all kind of communication can be experienced not only in inner dialogue, but also in communication with others.
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German edition: ISBN 9783965965188
English version: ISBN 9783965965195 (Translation notice)
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