Directing emotions: there is no matter of course!


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Text comes from: Der Abschied von der Sachlichkeit: Wie Sie mit Emotionen tatsächlich für Bewegung sorgen (2015) from Markus Hornung, published by BusinessVillage Verlag, Reprints by friendly permission of the publisher.
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The first challenge in dealing with the emotions of others is to give the emotion space and make it clear to the sender that his signal is perceived. Directing emotions: there is no matter of course! communication-conflict


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Markus Hornung HornungMarkus Hornung is a consultant and speaker on emotional intelligence.

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The transmitter needs security!

But the news that something has arrived is far from sufficient. For as strange as it sounds, the other has no idea what exactly, exactly what message has come to you.

However, not only does it require you to be sure that you have received its signal, but it also needs to be sure about what you have received and that this is exactly what it has sent. As long as he does not have this security, he will continue!

Speak emotions directly

The next step, then, must be to clear the transmitter of the emotion, which is exactly what has arrived. And this can only be achieved by appealing directly to the emotion!

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Sounds complicated? Is not it. It's just unfamiliar. Especially for those of you who believe in self-awareness.

Why do not you just say it to him?

In my seminars and coaching sessions, I repeatedly find that the direct response of an emotion is absolutely unfamiliar to many participants and is almost perceived as an imposition.

For example, when I ask participants in confrontation with an annoying customer, "Why do not you just tell him you see that he's annoying?", Then I almost always get the same answer: "But that's clear that he is annoying. Everyone sees that! "

There are no self-explanations!

And that is unfortunately a mistake. There is - I can not repeat it often enough - in interpersonal communication no matter of course!

Let's remember that Jack, the little neurologist in our head, sends a message because of a touch on his value system. We call this message an emotion. In order for him to stop, he must unambiguously arrive as a response signal that his message was understood technically and in terms of content. A "I understand!" Is not enough, never, never!

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