From the author:
Emotions point to values
For example, if you find that your eldest son is hanging out with his younger sister because she is constantly coming into the room with him and disturbing him, it's easy to say something to him like, "I can understand well, that you are angry. You just want to have your peace. "
And if the little one comes to you relatively confused for a short time because he told her that he does not take her to the playground in the afternoon, then you can acknowledge her emotion by saying, "You're worried because you're in the afternoon do not want to spend alone in the apartment. "
In this second situation, you also notice that it is not absolutely necessary to name the value explicitly as a separate term. It is sufficient to understand the subconscious mind in the head of the other by means of a description of what it is.
The search for the exact term
Although I myself like to go to the search for the exact term, because I believe that then the realization has been understood, in comparison to a bit more, but it also works very well with circumscriptions.
To convey the second approach, with which we can find out the values of others, I have to make a little bit of sense: We all enjoyed German lessons at school and carried out various characterizations of individual figures of classical poetry and poetry ("Characterize the Wallenstein / den Faust / Franz Moor / ... ").
What was Wallenstein's value system?
Nevertheless, one of the central linguistically ascertainable and analysable questions on dealing with other people evidently passed us by without a trace. At least I can not remember having ever dealt with it in German lessons. This question is, "What is important to my counterpart?" Or "What does he or she value?"
Feel that the question "What is important to Wallenstein?" Is much more exciting and opens up a much more emotional approach than the work instruction "Characterize Wallenstein and his contradictory attitude on the battlefield in order to fulfill his dramaturgical role"?
Language transports values
If we realize that an essential purpose of language is to convey our value system, our values, then it also implies, logically, that we can find out which values of the other point out his words.
To do this, we have to address a question of analysis that at first glance seems banal and unusual to most people, but at the second glance opens up a whole new universe of linguistic understanding. This crucial question, which I would particularly like to urge you to read, is, "What is important to someone who has said the words that I have just heard?"
Observe yourself and others in the near future exactly when speaking. You will - with the others you will notice before! - catch yourself with a bit of luck, how often, for example, this damn little "but" slips out of you.
If you've noticed this for the first time, it's not that difficult to replace it with a "and" or a period followed by a new sentence. It is not easy at first to pay attention and you will see that once you get used to it, it feels really good. The effect is small and fine!
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