Emotional killer phrases in communication: just a movie?



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Reprint: This text is from the book "Der Abschied von der Sachlichkeit: Wie Sie mit Emotionen tatsächlich für Bewegung sorgen (2015)" by Markus Hornung, published at BusinessVillage Verlag, and was left to us for reprint.
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Let's go to the cinema in thought: Cinema generates emotions. And they do not suit everyone. To strangle her with "That's just a movie" would be completely wrong. The same goes for emotions in communication. Emotional killer phrases in communication: just a movie? Cinema Movie emotions

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Here writes for you: Markus Hornung is a consultant and speaker on emotional intelligence. Profile

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Dealing with the communications of others

Overview

In the course of our lives, we have developed the most important to-dos in dealing with the emotions of others and thus created a good basis for these emotions of our conversation partners to fulfill their purpose as communication signals.

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So what is it about? We are generally not used to dealing with the emotions of others when we meet them, appreciatively or with dignity. And that's why we often resort to killer phrases.

The fat naps of emotional communication

Overview

But this consideration would not be exhaustive if we did not turn to dangerous pitfalls of emotional communication. Because there are indeed typical phrases that you better never should use and are even more problematic than the much misused word "but".

It is about a certain kind of killerphrases, which are especially used in situations in which someone else becomes emotional. Because these can make you aware of what you have learned to deal with the emotions of others so far, we will call them emotional killer phrases.

Attention, killerphrase

Overview

What a killer phrase is, you know. These are those sentences that people of the purported to experience in their profession - I sometimes call them smart-asses - are always conjured up when it comes to teaching you a lesson.

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Some examples are "You are still too young for that!", "You are too old for that!" Or an absolute classic, which stirs up all somatic markers: "We've always done it that way!"

Emotional killer phrases are fatal

Overview

A general killerphrase is thus characterized by the fact that it is intended to cement a certain circumstance as irrefutable, unchangeable or even completely absurd and does not open up the possibility of an exchange or negotiation to the recipient. Emotional killer phrases try the same with other people's emotions and are therefore deadly to deal with their emotions!

Sooner or later, depending on the nature, the mood or the momentary tolerance threshold, we use speech patterns that subliminally - or rather on a meta-level - convey the following message: "I see you. I perceive that you are emotional. I can not cope with that and that's why I want you to stop or show this emotion immediately! "

What a heart

Overview

Imagine the following situation: There is something for the heart! Titanic! It comes, as it must. The steamer breaks apart, thousands are killed, including our hero Jack, who is played by Leonardo di Caprio and with whom Jack is neither related nor related in our brains.

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We look at the last row of chairs in the cinema hall. He is a macho of old school and his companion is something of the horror of all male fans of action movies, a close-up water-borne crypt. The following is the case:

"It's just a movie"

Overview

He (thinks): "Sensational special effects! Madness, how did they do that? The Cameron has had half the steamer replica. And when the thing broke apart earlier, one crashed from the back and ricocheted off the ship's propeller before falling into the sea! It's crazy what you can do with computers today! "

She (sobbing): "My God, is that awful! And so sad! "

He (with a disapproving side view):

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"Come honey, do not dress like that! It's just a movie! "

Ladies, have you ever heard of this before? Do you know that? Gentlemen, have you ever said that? And another question: Have you ever experienced the most gracious response to this saying:

She (with sudden realization and euphoric voice): "Ha! Right!! You're right! Hooray, I'm getting better !! "

The classic: man-woman communication

Overview

No way! It is much more likely that she wonders what kind of guy she has landed in the cinema. Right here, we get a little deeper into the closer look of emotional killer phrases. They forgive me, incidentally, that I have chosen a very stereotypical situation in the field of man-woman communication. All that follows, of course, applies to both sexes.

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If you want to make use of an emotional killer phrase as a woman, then all you have to do is go into a classic male film with your partner, for example, a doomsday scenario à la Terminator II and then fight the machines and the last humans left on earth Your companion confidently and dry, if the whole movie is not "a little unrealistic".

We can not handle the emotions of others

Overview

As we said before, we are generally not used to being appreciative or worthy of the emotions of others when we meet them.

Sooner or later, depending on the nature, the mood or the momentary tolerance threshold, we use speech patterns that subliminally - or rather on a meta-level - convey the following message: "I see you. I perceive that you are emotional. I can not cope with that and that's why I want you to stop or show this emotion immediately! "

Let's be clear: Nothing else is behind the words "It's just a movie!"

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Why emotional killer phrases?

Overview

For this reason we call speech patterns of this kind emotional killer phrases. Apart from the fact that the film industry converts billions of dollars a year, just because it generates emotions - which in itself gives a certain absurdity to the sentence "is only a movie!" - the sender of such words does not reach his goal.

No one listens to emotion because of such a request! Simply and simply, because the emotion, at the moment it is shown, is a physical condition, a physiological and neurological fact, a cocktail of neurotransmitters in the limbic system. This cocktail does not really care if someone allows their owner to have that emotion!


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