From the author:
So important is emotional intelligence
Emotional killer phrases are usually meaningless communication - usually geared to make emotions in other people's gut. In fact, they only show our own inability to handle it.
How important the intelligent handling of emotions is, I would like to clarify once again with a definition: Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive one's own emotions and the emotions of others as well as the values behind them.
Dealing with feelings
This includes differentiating (ie, distinguishing) from one another, believing in a credible way and dealing with them in a forward-looking and purposeful way.
The whole in such a way that in the interplay with rational minds and behaviors comes a conclusion of the situation beneficial for all concerned.
Why recognition is important!
You know that defining a definition of emotional intelligence is not complete or impracticable without the central notion of recognition.
This is largely due to the fact that a change or detachment from this state is not possible without prior recognition of an emotional state.
"It's okay for me to have emotions"
This applies both to your own emotions and to the emotions of others. The empowering attitude here is: "It is perfectly fine that I have this emotion", or: "It is perfectly fine that my counterpart has this emotion."
The discussion described here is a bit explosive, because it challenges some of the most widely used utterances.
Leave the emotional killer phrases away!
So when I am asked as a trainer for emotional intelligence after the don'ts, my first and only answer is:
If we take a look at the collection of these eloquent speeches, we are amazed not only about their abundance, but also on a narrow line between tragedy and comedy.
When unwanted emotions are amplified
Because the common of all emotional killer phrases is that they can not reach your goal of getting the others to show off their emotions. In most cases, the (disregarded) use even leads to an increase in unwanted emotions.
Many of these emotional killer phrases are also used to donate comfort in moments of grief, a fundamentally wonderful and honorable intention. Unfortunately, the sadness is not easy to impress or even disappear.
Advice is also punches
Two classics from this group are, for example, "Other mothers have beautiful daughters!" and "Everything will be fine until the wedding!"
The little consoling effect of such well-intentioned advice has certainly been felt by each of us on our own body. Because: Advice is also punches.
The top 10 of emotional killer phrases
We have been collecting these speeches for years in our seminars and know that anyone who uses them will certainly make a lasting impression, but unfortunately not the one he wanted to achieve.
Let's take a look at the top 10 of emotional killer phrases we've found, to get an in-depth look at where the rabbit is going.
Typical killer phrases and their effect
The following 10 Puntke should give you an idea of how typical emotional killer phrases work and work in communication.
In order to illustrate the actual effect, I once wrote my spontaneous reaction, which is, of course, openly communicated in the most recent cases:
The top ten emotional killer phrases
"It could have been worse!"
"Says who? What could be worse? And what use is that to me? ”
"Now don't get so excited!"
"But I'm getting upset !!"
"Now calm down!"
"Why should I? It gets on my nerves! I don't calm down just because you want to! ”
"It's not that bad!"
"But! Is it! For me it is even a reason to freak out! ”
"Time heals all wounds!"
“I know that myself, you smartass! But at the moment I don't have time and I'm feeling bad right now! ”
"Life goes on!"
“Sure, I know that too! Why should that make me feel better now? ”
“It will be (again)!”
"I know that and I don't care at the moment!"
"Now don't make an elephant out of a mosquito!"
“I'll give you your mosquito right away, you ignorant! For me it's an elephant !!! ”
"You do not have to be scared"
“You tell me now? I already have it! I assessed the situation some time ago and in my brain all the messenger substances that make up the emotion fear are already released and make my neurons fire! Should I tell them now that they have to stop because I was supposed to have a perception problem a few seconds ago? ”
First place among the emotional killer phrases goes to the following sentence: "Now let's stay factual!"
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German edition: ISBN 9783965964402
English version: ISBN 9783965964419 (Translation notice)
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