From the author:
3 Steps in dealing with emotions of your fellow human beings
- Step one was to give the emotion space and to perceive it at all.
- Step two consisted in the direct response of the emotion.
- Really elegant and almost final, you convey to your opponent that you have understood him and that you understand what he is talking about when you address the level of his emotions. This is the value level.
Why are values important?
If you manage to address the values behind your emotions, your subconscious mind is, so to speak, the last proof that you have actually and finally understood what it is all about.
Then he turns off the part of the emotion sent as a signal. Then - and only then - does it become factual.
How do you figure out the values?
Now, for several reasons, the question is not at all trivial about how you can find out what is important to you.
Non-trivial is the question because your counterpart in over 90 percent of all cases has no awareness of its value system, so only has a very nebulous "knowledge" or at most a clue about what is actually important to him. In most cases, asking questions does not help.
Just as seldom, your opponent will automatically come up with the idea to help you jump through the value system. It does not generally have the knowledge of the link between values and emotions.
Why are you so upset?
Of course, you could give him the value work you have already done and ask him to fill it in for the current context, that is, the situation in which you both are.
Although this is possible in principle, it should not be practicable. You may also like to hand him a book on the subject. But then you will have to wait a few days before coming to you with the realization "Now I can give you a hint why I got so excited!" And then you can understand that.
Find information about the value system
We must therefore think different ways of discovering the value system of another.
It is helpful that you now know the relationship between values and emotions, and thus, at the sight of an emotional person, get ideas for why it is so emotional much faster.
Especially when you have seen how the emotion came about, it is relatively easy to establish and reflect the immediate connection between the value system and the emotion.
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