Talk things beautifully without change: the horse is not that dead


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Our brain has a very effective mechanism that is often used when confronted with a fact that is in contradiction with elementary beliefs and needs: it hides them and does not take them into account.

Talk things beautifully without change: the horse is not that dead at all Talk things beautifully without change: the horse is not so dead at all


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Tom Diesbrock 84Tom Diesbrock is a psychologist, consultant, team developer and book author.

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My horse is not so dead

One of the typical phrases we say when we try to deny the problems in a situation:

“My job is okay. Sure, I'm sometimes a bit unmotivated and haven't been happy for a long time. It's a difficult time. But why should I look for another job? No, no, my job is okay. ”

The inner and outer signs that tell me that I need to think about job changes are perhaps conflicting with my need for security or my belief that I will never find another job. The solution: I'm not so dissatisfied. My horse is not that dead.

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When the inner balance tilts

This strategy has only one disadvantage: Since my dissatisfaction tends to get bigger rather than smaller, the pressure to change increases in me. My inner balance between "finally do something!" and "Better leave everything as it is!" threatens to tip over - then I could no longer look past the fact that I really have a problem.

If, however, I manage to discharge the pressure in a harmless way (as by the overpressure valve of a steam cooker), I could maintain this state until the last day. There are two simple and quite popular solutions: pondering and complaining.

brood

Pondering is an extremely unproductive way of thinking. In doing so, I move thoughts, dreams, wishes, ideas like a tough-liquid porridge around in my brain; from left to right and back again.

Everything I have thought of infinitely often - but I do not gain any new aspects, do not penetrate deeper and always come back to the starting point. An internal blockade is solidified by persistent pondering, since no solutions arise because the thought process would have to open up and deal with new aspects.

The ponder has the feeling that his situation is hopeless. But pondering consumes mental energy and diminishes internal pressure. The longer I ponder, the smaller the probability that I will act.

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complain

The complaining could be described as an "outward brooding": I repeatedly express the same negative thoughts about my situation. Other people may feel asked to help me with good advice.

But since I think by my pondering yes, to know every possible solution, of course, I do not accept anything that could interfere with my ingrained lines of thought. Who complains, does not want to hear that there are ways out! But it reduces pressure.

The ideal strategy to change nothing

And everything remains as it is, because I continue to concentrate fully on my lousy situation and hold on to not being able to change it. A very “effective” strategy.

Do you know people who often complain about their job, but apparently never make an effort to look after a better one? Are you not so sure about your own job? Ask yourself how dead your horse might be? Perhaps you have avoided an honest answer to this question so far?

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