Change the script
For example, instead of "I am ok if ... this or that condition is met," it might say, "I'm OK the way I am." Recognizing and changing that "script" does not happen overnight ,
This actual conclusion of the crisis, which clears the way for new things, does not take place in the confrontation with other people, but in oneself.
Time and help
They need time, possibly professional support, and also have to accept that you will relapse. Therefore this process needs a lot of energy. You do not necessarily have to take a break, but your new job should not be too stressful - so you still have the power to rewrite your script.
Usually, both are parallel: recovery from the stress, which was usually already felt before the career break, and deals with what went wrong at the same time. Slowly the old forces return, and one becomes active again and thinks over where it is to go.
Successful or unsuccessful?
In psychology, in the expectation of success, two completely different types are described, in which the self-motivation proceeds according to completely opposite patterns: namely, success-motivated and failure-motivated people.
First, there are the so-called "success motivated". They expect that they will succeed. When success actually occurs, they attribute it to their own achievement, to their own abilities, but also to their own effort.
In case of failure, they are responsible for so-called "time-variable" factors, so factors that can change over time, responsible for: Then it was just bad luck, lack of effort or unfavorable conditions.
Then there are the so-called "failures motivated": With them, it works the other way around. Own achievements are more often attributed to external factors such as luck or the easy task. Failures are, however, more often justified by a lack of own abilities. Out of this attitude, those who are deficient in motivation often avoid situations in which they have to perform a certain performance.
Women are often motivated by failures in their job. True to the motto of Oscar Wilde, who did not want to belong to a club that would have accepted him as a member, they are often astonished when others trust them more than they suggest to themselves and supervisors for promotion. "I was lucky," they often say.
A defeat is not a failure yet!
"Socialization leads to defeat for women and a new game for men," said coach and conflict expert Claus Nowak. Fortunately, there is already a change in this regard. More and more women are being educated in such a way that they can expect professional success in their hearts and stand by their abilities. So they serve as a role model for the next generation.
Ask yourself which type you are. If you decide that you are more "fail-oriented" in terms of career success, you should seek support from a coach and discuss the problem with him or her. Because changing one's attitude from "failure-oriented" to "success-oriented" is not easy to accomplish at the touch of a button, but rather a difficult and lengthy process.
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