Change the script
For example, instead of "I am ok if ... this or that condition is fulfilled" it could be: "I am OK as I am." Recognizing and changing this “script” does not happen overnight.
This actual conclusion of the crisis, which clears the way for new things, does not take place in the confrontation with other people, but in oneself.
Time and help
They need time, possibly professional support, and also have to accept that you will relapse. Therefore this process needs a lot of energy. You do not necessarily have to take a break, but your new job should not be too stressful - so you still have the power to rewrite your script.
Usually, both are parallel: recovery from the stress, which was usually already felt before the career break, and deals with what went wrong at the same time. Slowly the old forces return, and one becomes active again and thinks over where it is to go.
Successful or unsuccessful?
In psychology, in the expectation of success, two completely different types are described, in which the self-motivation proceeds according to completely opposite patterns: namely, success-motivated and failure-motivated people.
First of all there are the so-called “success motivated”. They expect to be successful. If success actually occurs, you can attribute it to your own performance, your own abilities, but also your own effort.
If they fail, they blame so-called “time-variable” factors, that is, factors that can change over time: it was bad luck, lack of effort or unfavorable framework conditions.
Then there are the so-called “failure motivated”: With them it works the other way around. Success is more often attributed to external factors such as luck or an easy task. Failures, on the other hand, are more often justified by a lack of personal skills. From this attitude, failure-motivated people often avoid situations in which they would have to perform a certain achievement.
Women are often motivated to fail in their professional life. True to the motto of Oscar Wilde, who did not want to belong to a club that would have accepted him as a member, they are often amazed when others trust them more than they themselves and their superiors suggest for promotion. "I was just lucky," they often say.
A defeat is not a failure yet!
"Socialization means that defeat means failure for women and a new game for men," explains trainer and conflict expert Claus Nowak. Fortunately, there has already been a change in this regard. More and more women are being brought up in such a way that they can expect professional success for themselves and that they can stand by their abilities. In turn, they serve as role models for the next generation.
Ask yourself honestly what type you are. If you come to the conclusion that you are more “failure-oriented” in terms of professional success, you should seek support from a coach and discuss the problem with him or her. Because changing your own attitude from “success-oriented” to “success-oriented” is not easy to do at the push of a button, but a difficult and lengthy process.
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