Understanding and empathy as leadership skills of the future: How to become a millionaire?


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If you want to be free, you have to learn to understand life - without condemning it. That's the big art. More substance and effect, less actionism. There are seductions for premature judgments every day: criticism of Manager, a promotion or the choice between jumping and not jumping.

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Boris Grundl Best of HR – Berufebilder.de® Boris Grundl is a non-fiction author, management trainer, entrepreneur, owner of the Grundl Leadership Academy and, as a wheelchair athlete, an Olympic participant.

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How do you become a millionaire?

In my seminars, I always ask my audience the question: “If you had the choice between two bags. There is strength in one and the ability to become strong in the other. Which bag would you choose? ” Or another example: “There is a fulfilled and successful life in one bag. And the other one has the skills for it. Where do you instinctively reach? ” Or quite daring:

“What bag do you want? The one with a million euros or the one with the ability to generate a million? ”

Most intuitively do not choose the bag with the skills, but the bag with the result. And this is exactly where it is wrong. These people think they are already something and do not want to become anything anymore, to learn anything anymore. They think they are better than they are. And that's why they have a right to the first bag. Now, right now. Just stop listening and recording, but want to have the same. Because actually they would have earned more. Now! Everything else is unfair.

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Self-worth trap vs. Confidence case

But what is behind it? There are two answers: the self-worth trap and the self-confidence trap. The self-worth trap shows itself in a superiority illusion and is a widespread phenomenon. It is very easy to understand and is very difficult to turn off. To understand a question: what is easier to recognize the deficits of others or their own deficits? The question asked is obvious: we know that we recognize the mistakes of others more easily than our own.

The following story fits in with this: Two married couples meet for a coffee. After two hours they part. Who will be talked about afterwards? Right, the other couple is talked about. And how do you talk about the other couple? Do you talk about what other people are doing so well and what can be learned from them? Or is it discussed where their potential for improvement lies in the relationship? We know the answer. Any why is this the case?

By making others smaller, we feel better ourselves

Our low self-esteem makes us talk negatively about others to make us feel better. It creates an illusion of superiority, the superiority illusion. That's why almost everyone thinks he should actually earn more: more Respect, more appreciation, more love, more money. Everything else would be unfair. And that's why it would be fair to have more. Now. And that's why it's clear which bag is used.

The self-confidence trap also ensures that the “now wanting bag” is used instead of the “wanting something bag”. We don't trust ourselves deep inside. "What I have, I have it!" We don't trust that we can do it ourselves with our skills. That is why we prefer the result without effort. Don't really learn - it doesn't work anyway, I can't do anything anyway. That's why we want to be more now and above all have more.

Listening as a sign of weakness?

Listening, recording, learning could be interpreted as a sign of weakness. That could expose us. If you have to learn, you don't know everything yet! It is not yet fully developed, not complete, perhaps not yet grown up. Knowledge is power, even if it is only faked, and shown ignorance is powerless. So pretend "Fake it till you make it", everyone does that ...

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Pretend that we can, that we know, that we have everything under control. We don't want to be an “apprentice” and learn. We want to stand as “knowing” and prove that we know. We want to show our knowledge, we don't want to record anything anymore, we want to be shown, we want to give up, present our knowledge or keep the appearance of the knower. The direction of travel of the one-way street goes outwards and not inwards.

Shine instead of being must be enough!

The roller shutter is permeable at the bottom and only in one direction. Appearance instead of being! It must be enough. Children are very different. They absorb knowledge and experience in themselves. They take in the world, they are astonished, they are amazed, they are surprised again or they are scared of the unknown. Many adults no longer allow themselves to do so: they are afraid of being stupid, ignorant and thus seemingly weak.

I was often accused of this attitude. Because I was open, wanted to learn and sit in a wheelchair, I was underestimated by many. They thought they had a grip on me. You would be superior to me. And I stayed calm and continued learning. Eventually my results got better and better, and I overtook them one after the other.

The wiser gives way

I was accused of hypocrisy by the “superior illusionists”. The vernacular knows a different perspective: the wiser gives in.

I kept the instinct to make myself small for certain situations. It is interesting how many still accept the invitation to feel superior to me today. "Listen!", It was said as a child: Attention, there is instruction on how something works or how it doesn't.

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Listening as a sign of inferiority?

Listening and listening is often associated with being in an inferior position. Suddenly we push ourselves into a child's role, even though we have long since outgrown our infancy, and experience our opponent as a measured, right-thinking, superior adult, even though we may be in an equal situation right now.

The big misconception is that I am not strong when I need to hear (and learn). The ignorant, like a child, is not taken seriously by the knower. The knower is the supposedly better person. In the minds of men, the knower, or one who shows his knowledge or, in doubt, acts as if he knows, is almost automatically the stronger, the superior. He can dominate. And that is what many want: dominate, prevail.

The ear is the way

Hearing, recording triggers an underlying position in the minds of many people. For many people, listening and recording are synonymous with having to learn, and that means: not knowing. If they allowed themselves to be heard, they would show that they are ignorant. That is why they only want to understand if they also agree with what they have heard. They don't feel perfect because they have a knowledge gap to fill. And nobody wants to show that - neither to themselves nor to others. And so the consequence is: “I know!” "I know!!" "I know about!"

Deep learning-wanting means to understand, absorb, process and implement. And to understand deeply, I have to listen and take in the world, let it in. First, take in my head, intellectually. And then through experiences in my whole being record, emotional. Again and again, every day anew. To take note of what is actually there. Have the courage to face the truth and acknowledge what is there. In me and around me. And that is only possible if I am so strong in the understanding-willing that I do not have to agree.

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