If you want to be free, you have to learn to understand life - without condemning it. That's the big art. More substance and effect, less actionism. There are seductions for premature judgments every day: criticism of Manager, a promotion or the choice between jumping and not jumping.
How do you become a millionaire?
In my seminars, I ask my audience the question: "If you had the choice between two bags. In one there is strength and in the other the ability to become strong. Which bag would you choose? "Or another example:" One bag is a full and successful life. And in the other there are the skills for it. Where do you instinctively go? «Or boldly:
"Which bag do you want? The ones with a million euros or those with the ability to make a million? "
Most intuitively do not choose the bag with the skills, but the bag with the result. And this is exactly where it is wrong. These people think they are already something and do not want to become anything anymore, to learn anything anymore. They think they are better than they are. And that's why they have a right to the first bag. Now, right now. Just stop listening and recording, but want to have the same. Because actually they would have earned more. Now! Everything else is unfair.
Self-worth trap vs. Confidence case
But what is behind it? There are two answers: the self-worth trap and the self-confidence trap. The self-worth trap shows itself in a superiority illusion and is a widespread phenomenon. It is very easy to understand and is very difficult to turn off. To understand a question: what is easier to recognize the deficits of others or their own deficits? The question asked is obvious: we know that we recognize the mistakes of others more easily than our own.
This fits the following story: Two couples meet for coffee. After two hours they go apart. Who will talk about afterwards? Right, it is talked about the other pair. And how is the other couple talked? Is there talk about what makes others so great and what you can learn from them? Or is it talked about where their potential for improvement lies in the relationship? We know the answer. Any why is this the case?
By making others smaller, we feel better ourselves
Our low self-esteem makes us talk negatively about others to make us feel better. It creates an illusion of superiority, the superiority illusion. That's why almost everyone thinks he should actually earn more: more Respect, more appreciation, more love, more money. Everything else would be unfair. And that's why it would be fair to have more. Now. And that's why it's clear which bag is used.
The self-confidence trap also provides the grip in the "now-want-to-have-bag" instead of the "something-to-want-bag". Deep inside, we do not trust ourselves. "What I have, I have!" We do not trust that we can do it with our own abilities. That's why we prefer the result, without effort. Do not learn more - it does not help, anyway, I can not do anything anyway. That's why we want to be more now and above all, have more.
Listening as a sign of weakness?
Listening, recording, learning could be interpreted as a sign of weakness. That could expose us. If you have to learn, you do not know everything! It is not yet formed, not complete, maybe not growing. Knowledge is power, even if it is only faked, and ignorance shown is powerlessness. That's why pretend. "Fake it till you make it."
Pretend we could, as if we knew, as if we had everything under control. We do not want to stand and learn as an "apprentice." We want to be "knowing" and prove that we know it. We want to show our knowledge, we do not want to absorb anything, we have to show it, we want to give it away, present our knowledge or preserve the appearance of the knower. The direction of the one-way street goes outwards and not inwards.
Shine instead of being must be enough!
The roller shutter is permeable at the bottom and only in one direction. Appearance instead of being! It must be enough. Children are very different. They absorb knowledge and experience in themselves. They take in the world, they are astonished, they are amazed, they are surprised again or they are scared of the unknown. Many adults no longer allow themselves to do so: they are afraid of being stupid, ignorant and thus seemingly weak.
I was often accused of this attitude. Because I was open, wanted to learn and sit in a wheelchair, I was underestimated by many. They thought they had a grip on me. You would be superior to me. And I stayed calm and continued learning. Eventually my results got better and better, and I overtook them one after the other.
The wiser gives way
Hypocrisy was assumed by the "superiority illusionists". The vernacular knows a different angle: The smarter gives way.
The instinct to make me small has been retained for certain situations. It's interesting how many even today accept the invitation to feel superior to me. As a child, it was said: "Attention, there will be a lesson on how something works or how it can not be done.
Listening as a sign of inferiority?
Listening and listening is often associated with being in an inferior position. Suddenly we push ourselves into a child's role, even though we have long since outgrown our infancy, and experience our opponent as a measured, right-thinking, superior adult, even though we may be in an equal situation right now.
The big misconception is that I am not strong when I need to hear (and learn). The ignorant, like a child, is not taken seriously by the knower. The knower is the supposedly better person. In the minds of men, the knower, or one who shows his knowledge or, in doubt, acts as if he knows, is almost automatically the stronger, the superior. He can dominate. And that is what many want: dominate, prevail.
The ear is the way
Listening, recording triggers an underlying position in the minds of many people. Listening and recording are for many people synonymous with having to learn, and that means not knowing. If they allowed themselves to hear, they would show that they are ignorant. Therefore, they only want to understand if they agree with what they hear. They do not feel perfect because they have a knowledge gap to fill. And nobody wants to show that - neither to themselves nor to others. And so, as a consequence, it is said: "I know!" "I know!" "I know!"
Deep learning-wanting means to understand, absorb, process and implement. And to understand deeply, I have to listen and take in the world, let it in. First, take in my head, intellectually. And then through experiences in my whole being record, emotional. Again and again, every day anew. To take note of what is actually there. Have the courage to face the truth and acknowledge what is there. In me and around me. And that is only possible if I am so strong in the understanding-willing that I do not have to agree.
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