Understand through empathy
Who wants to understand, must listen, record. And those who do not want to hear must feel. That's what happened to me. I had not heard my inner voice and had to bear the consequences. Again and again the situation on the cliff in my head went through my head.
During my ascent to my last jump from the top, I heard the waterfall rushing past me. He was getting louder, and somehow the way up was different this time. The rocks had been slipperier than before, and climbing seemed a lot more strenuous. Maybe I was just a bit tired from the whole trip, from the sun. But there was something else, a voice in me said, "Does that have to be?" But I did not listen to this inner compass and climbed on. "Come on, what you started, you bring to an end!" I continued.
"Who will say a, need to say b as well."
Besides, it was much easier to jump from up here than to climb all the way over the slippery rocks.
If I climb the whole rock, I could jump right away, everything else would be too much work. Besides, it would have looked like surrender. Anyway: I had already jumped from almost all points. This one jump from the top is still missing in my collection. The last jump from the highest point. "You're going to finish this," I told myself!
Hook on it
Today, I would like to call out to this twenty-five-year-old boy, "Who says that? Who says you have to? "But would he have listened to me? Probably not. I can understand him and what he did. But he and I are not very similar anymore. He wanted to finish something unthinkingly, to go through it. Taste it, whatever it takes. To rewind a program will work.
He wanted to be able to say after the vacation: we were diving and surfing, boating and snorkeling, and then I jumped from the highest point of a rock face, from the edge of a waterfall, into a lagoon. The boy wanted to put a stop to that as well as all the other adventures that he had already experienced on this trip: San Diego - hook on, fishing in Cabo San Lucas - hooks, the girl rumkriegen - Hook on it, Puerto Vallarta - Hook on it, Lagunentour with rock jump - hook on it.
Not the way was the goal, but the goal was the goal.
I felt like the center of the universe. And was bored. Bored by the lightness of being. That should change.
If I were to make this journey today, I would use the time to travel even closer to the center of my self. I might have jumped a few times, but maybe not, just marveled at this peaceful place, let myself be infected by the jungle energy, watched the kids, and looked forward to them. "Perceived" with all my senses. I would have absorbed everything in myself to remember it for as long as possible, just breathing, feeling in myself, listening to myself, living.
As a young savage that I was then, I still had no view for it and never really lived, felt or enjoyed a moment on my journey. I did not have the consciousness because it was necessary to complete a program, travel from A to B and now make this one jump here.
Why? I did not ask that.
Otherwise, perhaps I would have realized that I followed a compulsion. Therefore, I no longer had the ease of the youngsters jumping without planning, without functioning, and stopping when they were tired - and therefore, nothing happened. Because they were consistent with themselves.
Intuition or fear
At some point I was at the top, and every single cell of my body seemed to scream, "Let it be, do not jump!" But I did not pay attention to this inner signal, ignoring that I was not one with myself. Not with me. My head rationally decided against my physical emotional feelings, my gut feelings and my heart. I would jump right away. I had wobbly knees when I stood on the rock, and a dull feeling in my stomach. The stones under my feet were slippery, I found little support, the waterfall made a sheer deafening uproar up here. I looked down ...
Today I listen better to my intuition, my inner voice or my compass, whatever you want to call it. I do not hear on every day what the voice advises me. The "must" is always in me, cries for attention. But the "allow" now usually retains the upper hand. I am sensitized and listen to myself more and more often. If I do not, sooner or later I'll hit my nose, and the longer I ignore the signals, the worse the consequences.
It is important to keep the balance between inner and outer influences.
Why had not I wanted to hear then? Today I know, I was far too busy with myself. Today I know that many are so. My thoughts often revolved around myself, within my little rim. This is called "egocentricity". And that is different from selfishness or egomania. The egomaniac is steeped in the fear that he might be short-circuited. He is often addicted to recognition. That's why he does a lot to attract attention, no matter how.
The egoist lacks empathy and empathy for the feelings of others. Ego-centrists can be very empathetic with others, but in their "inner experience" they are constantly circling around themselves. Unnecessary increases in trivialities or the tendency to hypochondria are manifestations of this species. Make a mosquito an elephant, says the vernacular. Or take criticism too much personally.
I wanted to be strong at the time, sovereign be. Today I would say, I wanted to work strong.
I did not want to be strong, I wanted to be strong. That's a big difference, and it takes a lot of strength to be strong, even though the strength is not deep inside.
Power that is lost to the actual determination and is also poorly invested on top of that. A lot of compensations - such as exaggerated ambition - can arise.
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