Understand through empathy
Who wants to understand, must listen, record. And those who do not want to hear must feel. That's what happened to me. I had not heard my inner voice and had to bear the consequences. Again and again the situation on the cliff in my head went through my head.
During my ascent to my last jump from the top, I had heard the waterfall plunge past me. It was getting louder and somehow the way up was different this time. The stones had seemed slippery than before, and climbing seemed to be much more difficult. Maybe I was just a little tired from the whole trip, from the sun. But there was something else, a voice in me said, "Does that have to be?" But I didn't listen to that inner compass and kept climbing. "Come on, what you started, you also finish!" I continued to push myself.
"Who will say a, need to say b as well."
Besides, it was much easier to jump from up here than to climb all the way over the slippery rocks.
If I climb up the whole rock, I could jump, everything else would be too difficult. It would also have looked like surrender. In general: I had already jumped from almost all points. I still miss this one jump from the top in my collection. The last jump from the highest point. "You're going to finish that now," I said to myself!
Hook on it
Today I would like to call this twenty-five year old boy: “Who says that? Who says you have to? ” But would he have listened to me? Probably not. I can understand him and what he did. But he and I are not very alike on this point. He wanted to finish something without thinking, pull it off. No matter what it costs. Unwind a program, work.
He wanted to be able to say after the vacation: we were diving and surfing, boating and snorkeling, and then I jumped from the highest point of a rock face, from the edge of a waterfall, into a lagoon. The boy wanted to put a stop to that as well as all the other adventures that he had already experienced on this trip: San Diego - hook on, fishing in Cabo San Lucas - hooks, the girl rumkriegen - Hook on it, Puerto Vallarta - Hook on it, Lagunentour with rock jump - hook on it.
Not the way was the goal, but the goal was the goal.
I felt like the center of the universe. And was bored. Bored by the lightness of being. That should change.
If I were to make this trip today, I would use the time to travel even closer to the center of my self. I might have jumped a few times, but maybe not, I would have just marveled at this peaceful place, let myself be infected by the energy of the jungle, watched the youngsters and enjoyed them. "Perceived" with all my senses. I would have absorbed everything in myself, remembered it as long as possible, simply breathed, felt into myself, listened to me, lived.
As a young savage that I was then, I still had no view for it and never really lived, felt or enjoyed a moment on my journey. I did not have the consciousness because it was necessary to complete a program, travel from A to B and now make this one jump here.
Why? I did not ask that.
Otherwise, perhaps I would have realized that I followed a compulsion. Therefore, I no longer had the ease of the youngsters jumping without planning, without functioning, and stopping when they were tired - and therefore, nothing happened. Because they were consistent with themselves.
Intuition or fear
I was at the top at some point, and every single cell in my body seemed to scream, "Don't do it, don't jump!" But I ignored this inner signal, ignored that I wasn't one with myself. Wasn't with me. My head rationally decided against my physical emotional sensation, against my gut feeling and against my heart. I would jump soon. My knees were wobbly when I stood on the rock, and my stomach was queasy. The stones under my feet were slippery, I could hardly find a stop, the waterfall up here made an almost deafening roar. I looked down ...
Today I better listen to my intuition, my inner voice or my compass, whatever you want to call it. I don’t hear what my voice advises every day. The "must" is always in me, cries out for attention. But the “allowed” now mostly has the upper hand. I am sensitized and listen more and more to myself. If I don't, sooner or later I'll fall on my nose, and the longer I ignore the signals, the worse the consequences.
It is important to keep the balance between inner and outer influences.
Why didn't I want to hear then? Today I know I was too busy with myself. Today I know that many are like this. My thoughts often revolved around myself, within my small plate. This is probably called "egocentricity". And that differs from selfishness or egomania. The egomane is steeped in fear that he might miss out. He is often addicted to recognition. That's why he does a lot to get noticed no matter how.
The egoist lacks empathy and empathy for the feelings of others. Self-centered people can be very sensitive to others, but in their “inner experience” they constantly revolve around themselves. Unnecessary entry into trivialities or the tendency to hypochondria are characteristics of this species. The popular saying is to make an elephant out of a mosquito. Or take criticism far too personally.
I wanted to be strong at the time, sovereign be. Today I would say, I wanted to work strong.
I did not want to be strong, I wanted to be strong. That's a big difference, and it takes a lot of strength to be strong, even though the strength is not deep inside.
Power that is lost to the actual determination and is also poorly invested on top of that. A lot of compensations - such as exaggerated ambition - can arise.
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