Where are the differences?
People with mental illness or other impairments of the self-control ability1 belong (in fact) exclusively to the hands of appropriately trained therapists (and, of course, psychotherapy patients still have self-control skills!).
And we make this statement out of conviction and not because the legal framework requires us to do so. What is important to us: In contrast to psychotherapy, systemic coaching is aimed at “healthy” people and not at patients. That's an important difference.
This delimitation has now also a very practical importance for the (internal) coach. Do not make any diagnoses if you are not trained to work with patients and diagnose. But tell it if they can not help or want!
If, within a coaching session, you come to the conclusion that you can not help the person who wants to be helped by you (for whatever reason), then say it. Straight out. Appreciative. And yet clearly.
Don't be afraid to describe your perception, but avoid advice. In other words, avoid saying, "You need therapy."
Rather, describe the part of your impression that affects you: I cannot help you. If someone says of himself that he is sick or describes illnesses: Do not say: "You need a doctor." Say, "I'm not a doctor."
Avoid judgments or attributions, such as: "You are alcoholic." or "You are an alcoholic." (And don't ask, "Could it be that you're alcoholic?" Because it's the same.)
Describe what you perceive: "I smell alcohol in you. You look drunk on me (...)" Avoid diagnosing: "You are anorexic." But dare to put your impression into words. For example, say, "I'm watching you get thinner and thinner." Or: “You smell of vomit. (…) ”
Checklist - tasks of coaching
In order to make the differences clear, I have compiled the following checklist for you. And all these are not deficits in the coaching, but it is characterized by coaching in particular as technology and attitude.
- Do not take any responsibility for your presence and do not seek medical attention (symptoms) to confirm your diagnosis.
- As a coach, you do not diagnose and stick your clients into any ICD-10 drawers.
- As a coach, they do not make any recommendations and do not make any suggestions, ideas, advice or recipes.
- You do not do homework or home exercises.
- As a coach, you take no responsibility for the other and not for its goals, solutions or actions.
- They do not follow the inner attitude that you help a person who can not (alone) help himself.
The solution comes from the customer
The solutions come in coaching from the one who has the problem. This is the biggest difference to other consultations.
Thus, a successful coaching conversation is by no means the advice or suggestion (something to do so or differently), but it is just the opposite.
Exactly fitting help
The support lies in the help to find and find the solution in and through itself. And it is only in this way that the result fits optimally to the person, the situation and the environment.
At the same time, it takes the apprentice to an appreciable degree by being able to find just as good (indeed better) solutions as the coach.
Coaching is merciless
At the same time coaching is merciless: it throws people back on their own responsibility for their own life.
It tells the person seeking help that nobody knows or knows better and that only he can make the right decision and therefore find the solution that is “right” for him. And that is the real magic in coaching. If the coach can do that, the coaching client can do magic.
When clients become wizards
Every person is capable and has the strength to solve his problems, topics and situations independently (exceptions are found in patients in need of therapy).
As a result, we can allow ourselves as coaches to have confidence in the solving power of the coaching client. Because the coaching client is also responsible for solving the problem.
Coaching begins in the head
The solution begins in the head of the coaching client. The coaching client is faced with a coach. And this is responsible for the successful coaching process, the coaching process.
Coaching begins in the head of the coach. Let us look together in the head of a coaches: where the coaching will be done.
How does coaching work?
The "how" depends largely on the attitude of the coach. The attitude of a coach can be described as an inner attitude or as a personal experience; it contains all the paradigms and basic assumptions of the coach.
The answers to the following questions form the basis, which resonates with the coach as soon as he decides on a method or a technique. We mean that when we talk about attitude. And that is the connection between coaching and the head of the coaches.
Checklist: How can coaching run?
- "What conscious or unconscious idea does the coach have of communication and how it 'works'?"
- "What picture does the coach have of people in general and of his coaching client in particular?"
- “How does the coach describe social relationships and how does he describe individual steps in change?”
- “What is your inner attitude towards the coaching process?”
- “In his opinion (and experience) what is possible and what is not?”
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