The Perspective Collier
I mow my lawn and the neighbor complains about the noise of my - electric mower! Does my neighbor have a "bike off"? I sit in the meeting, make a great suggestion and the colleague says: "This does not contribute to our budget." But for their mediocre ideas, we always have money?
My job eats me up, he is badly paid too, I have to look for something better, but my relationship partner says: "Give up a secure job? Think about it well! "With such a scaredy cat by my side I never find anything better! What do these three examples have in common? The perspective scooter.
That's how conflicts arise
In all three situations it comes to conflict, it does not progress, it is discussed instead of traded, the necessary change is omitted, the project is suspended, deadlines are not met, innovation does not take place, creativity is thwarted, the team climate suffers, improvement remains out, the relationship is destroyed - because the other "has a wheel off", is a "scaredy cat", has "moderate ideas"? No, because that's my point of view. I do not know another one or I do not allow it (unconsciously).
Otherwise, I would learn that neighbor's baby is finally naked behind the hedge for his summer afternoon snaps and a baby is naturally awakened by an electric motor. I know that the colleague yesterday spent a final damage on a machine damage and really no more money is there. And I would know that my relationship partner would not be frightened by me, but would just keep me from my spontaneous decisions.
L'état, c'est moi!
"Normally" we are quite reasonable people; tolerant, open, let us talk. Under stress, the reptilian brain puts an end to it. As soon as the adrenalin level rises, we tend to confuse our point of view with factual reality - unconsciously. We no longer "know" that there are other perspectives. Even if we should come to the fact that we can look at things differently, we evaluate deviant views with thoughts / sayings like: "What is this? He should not have that way! He sees this completely wrong. "Perspective rigidity, euphemistically often called" conservatism ", is the death of every change. The change of perspective is the father, the driver, the enabler of every change.
Of course, it is sensible to stick to one's own point of view: I want a snack because I'm hungry - and I do not let the hunger end! To stand for his own view of things gives guidance and security and brings ahead - until it does this no more until another is a different view in opposition to mine or no snack in the kitchens. It is then necessary to change, adapt and adapt the views to the changing circumstances. Can we do this? Do we want that?
Dead end? Change the perspective!
In every conflict, crisis, problem or negotiation situation, in every task and challenge, I can practice "Try harder!", Go into conflict, work harder, argue more sharply. Unfortunately, my counterpart usually does that instinctively because of his mirror neurons. It comes to escalation and we end up in stalemate. Many know the saying: "Do not try harder, but smarter!"
But what does "smart" mean? For example, if it does not go on, if it gets too tiring, if it's not fun anymore, if it's going too slowly - do not strain yourself more, just switch perspectives! Change your own, gain a new perspective! Stand up, the thing and your view so far on the head and gossip with your feet - if it helps, why not! Try out alternative, optional, unedited perspectives like shoes in the shoe store: Until it fits! Until it fits better. So how do you gain new perspectives?
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