The Perspective Collier
I mow my lawn and the neighbor complains about the noise of my - electric mower! Does my neighbor have a “wheel off”? I sit in the meeting, make a great suggestion and the colleague says: "Our budget does not support it." But we always have money for their moderate ideas?
My job eats me up, it's badly paid too, I urgently need to look for something better, but my relationship partner says: “Giving up a safe job? Think good about it!" With such a scaredy by my side, I can never find anything better! What do these three examples have in common? The perspective koller.
That's how conflicts arise
In all three situations there is conflict, there is no progress, there is discussion instead of action, the necessary change does not take place, the project is suspended, the deadlines are not met, innovation does not take place, creativity is slowed down, the team atmosphere suffers, improvement remains from, the relationship is destroyed or destroyed - because the other "has a bike", is a "scaredy rabbit", has "moderate ideas"? No, because that's my point of view. I don't know another one or I don't (unconsciously) allow it.
Otherwise, I would learn that neighbor's baby is finally naked behind the hedge for his summer afternoon snaps and a baby is naturally awakened by an electric motor. I know that the colleague yesterday spent a final damage on a machine damage and really no more money is there. And I would know that my relationship partner would not be frightened by me, but would just keep me from my spontaneous decisions.
L'état, c'est moi!
“Usually” we are quite reasonable people; tolerant, open, let's talk to us. Under stress, the reptilian brain puts an end to this. As soon as the adrenaline rushesspiegel increases, we tend to confuse our point of view with factual reality - unconsciously. We no longer “know” that there are other perspectives. Even if we should come to the conclusion that one can look at things differently, we evaluate deviating points of view with thoughts / sayings like: “What is this about? It shouldn't look like that! He sees it completely wrong. " Perspective rigidity, euphemistically often called “conservatism”, is the death of any change. The change of perspective is the father, the driver, the facilitator of every change.
Of course, it is sensible to stick to one's own point of view: I want a snack because I'm hungry - and I do not let the hunger end! To stand for his own view of things gives guidance and security and brings ahead - until it does this no more until another is a different view in opposition to mine or no snack in the kitchens. It is then necessary to change, adapt and adapt the views to the changing circumstances. Can we do this? Do we want that?
Dead end? Change the perspective!
In every conflict, crisis, problem or negotiation situation, with every task and challenge I can “Try harder!” practice, enter into conflict, work harder, argue more sharply. Unfortunately my counterpart does this because of him Spiegelneurons mostly instinctively too. It comes to an escalation and we land in a stalemate. Many people know the saying: “Don't try harder, but smarter!”
But what does “smart” mean? For example: When things don't go on (like this), when it gets too tiring, when it is no longer fun, when things go too slowly - do not strain yourself, but change your perspective! Change your own, gain a new perspective! Stand up, the matter and your previous point of view, so to speak, and clap your feet - if it helps, why not! Try alternative, optional, unthinked perspectives like shoes in the shoe store: until it fits! Until it fits better. So how do you gain new perspectives?
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German edition: ISBN 9783965964143
English version: ISBN 9783965964150 (Translation notice)
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