How to Lead a Successful Salary Negotiation
Mr. D. does a lot for his Company and his expenses rise and rise. So far, Mr. D. has always waited until the right time comes, sometimes to ask if "even more money would be in it" - because the boss complains incessantly about the bad economic situation. But that should change now, because as a qualified employee, he wants his performance also paid accordingly.
It is therefore a mistake to wait modestly. On the contrary, if you want to emphasize your skills, especially in a difficult economic situation, you should demand more salary for all 18 to 24 months - which costs more is worth more! But: the sound makes the music. Rhetorical skills are required to optimally convey your arguments, especially with regard to this sensitive topic. Compose a perfect score for the salary talk!
Find the appropriate arguments
However, Mr. D. does not want to run the salary interview unprepared, but plans it exactly. It would also be wrong to argue with his personal reasons, because the boss does not care that Mr. D. still has to pay off the installments for the house and buy a new car. He has to find better arguments.
Again, your higher expenses are not a good argument. Then you better create a piggy bank.
Who achieves something is worth something
Anyone who does something brings the company and thus the boss direct benefits. And that is a very excellent argument. So that the boss realizes how he benefits from your work, you have to make that clear to him.
List your successes - the sooner you start, the better. This also strengthens your self-confidence for the negotiation. But do even more: Create success through above-average commitment: For example, bring in new ideas or take on more responsibility on your own.
Checklist: How to keep your success diary
Find the right argument: Keep a Success Diary! The planning for the interview starts long before - with a diary in which you record all successes. Important: Be as specific as possible, because "I have gained new customers" is a bit meager.
- You have gained new customers: How many new customers and what sales volume? Who are the new customers? How did you convince them?
- You have contributed to the cost reduction: in what way? What is the amount that saves the company? Name as exact numbers as possible!
- You have stimulated and successfully implemented improvements in the business process: how did you come up with the idea? What concrete improvements have been achieved? How exactly does this affect the work?
- You have further education: Can you work better and more effectively? How exactly does that affect your work? Can you prove that in numbers?
- You have taken on more responsibility or new responsibilities: Why is your workforce needed there? What advantage does the company have? Can this be quantified exactly?
The best time for a boss conversation
When does it fit, when is the best time to salary? That's when you have the best arguments, for example after a project has been successfully completed or when the last salary increase is already a while back.
But even in good economic conditions, when the boss just returned in good spirits from vacation or was just successful, is a psychologically good time. If that's not the case, you'd better keep writing your success diary.
How much can you ask for?
Before the conversation, it is important to determine how much your claim is maximum and which amount can not be undercut. With a degree of flexibility, you are flexible. This gives you a secure position in the negotiation and respect of your boss. Wicht: Do not sell yourself under value, but make no unrealistic demands.
Mr. D. first informs his professional association about comparative salaries in his position. Then he researches the economic situation of his company by studying the balance sheets, attentively studying the employee magazine and conversing with colleagues. This gives him a clear picture of how much he can demand. In addition, he makes a list of monetary alternatives that he can offer his boss instead of the salary increase.
Checklist: Use salary alternatives
Salary alternatives can be a good alternative: Maybe you can also use the smart company scales privately? These are possible salary alternatives:
- capital accumulation benefits
- Contributions to pension schemes
- Profit sharing or stock options
- Further developments
- Company car also for private use or a share of travel expenses - also for bus and train (eg Jobticket or Bahncard)
- The private use of the service cell phone
- A childcare allowance or other family services (such as a cleaning lady)
- A special leave or a longer break (sabbatical)
This is how the conversation becomes a success
The entry: Do not fall straight into the house with the door! "I want more money" - if Mr. D. begins the conversation like this, he can immediately forget it because the boss then immediately turn to resistance.
Better: Ask the boss for a discussion about their development and perspectives in the company: "I would like to talk to you about my development." If you declare your willingness to take on new tasks right from the start, you are committed, but it does It is clear that it will also be about money.
- Practice the conversation at home.
- Gather all the important information.
- Wait for the right time.
- Stay calm and relaxed.
- Make your demands clear, but be flexible.
- Show that you are seeking the best solution for both sides.
- Do not be too rash: salary negotiation is like a sales pitch - except that the buyer does not actually want to buy.
- Give a clear sum, no margins - then you must always negotiate at the lower limit.
- Do not expect stubbornly that your demands will be fulfilled in full.
- Do not give up right now: rather ask what is expected of you to reach your salary goal. Try again and again: Steady drops hollow the stone.
- Even if it does not work out with the salary increase: Do not look jealous on others. There will always be someone who earns more.
Argue with numbers and facts
Then present your achievements that underpin facts and figures. Always remember the benefits for the company. For example, "I gained X new customers last year, boosting the company's profits by 50%."
Then try to gain the approval of your boss. This is best done with a suggestive question: "Do you agree with me that my work is therefore very important for the company?" If he agrees with you now, your boss can not shake your claim afterwards by devaluing your performance.
Performance and money should balance each other
Only now do you formulate your demand as concrete as possible. Name a clear number. Example: "Due to my commitment in recent months, I consider a salary increase of ... € to be appropriate." Provide a plausible explanation for this sum at this time. Choose the amount so you have some room left. Therefore, do not enter a margin - your boss will always start from the lowest amount.
Now the actual bargaining starts, because your boss will not jump in the air with enthusiasm. On the contrary, in seminars, bosses even learn to reject the salary requirements of their employees, and many of them almost automatically reject it.
Boss objections and counter arguments counter
They should pursue common goals. That's really important: keep track of what you're doing, but also focus on the boss. Make it clear that you only want the best for the company in your mutual interest: "I have already achieved a lot for the company by gaining new customers.
And I want to get involved even more. I'm sure I'll be even more successful if I'm even better motivated by an additional financial incentive - what do you think? "
Checklist: Correctly interpret your boss's gestures and facial expressions
In order to be successful in negotiating, it is important that you anticipate how your boss will respond. Judge the facial expression of your boss correctly. Therefore, pay attention to his physical warning signals and then react:
- Your boss presses his lips together, lowers his head or clenches his fists - you go (temporarily to another aspect where you can quickly find a common ground again: "Can we agree that ..."
- Your boss raises his eyebrows or raises his palms - you clarify the situation with a question: "Your facial expression indicates that you do not quite agree with my remarks. Which point bothers you exactly? "
- Your boss rolls his eyes or plays with things - you bring your boss back to the conversation by asking him for his opinion or suggestion: "How do you assess the possibilities my new project offers for the company?"
Respond to counter arguments
A salary increase is not a gift. Find a compromise together. Always take the boss's arguments into account: repeat them briefly. By asking, you show interest and make sure that you understand your boss correctly. Give your boss some right. Then formulate your counter arguments.
Avoid "yes-but" formulations that signal that you have not really picked up on your boss's arguments. Better: Use a "and": "Of course you are right that the costs for the new IT system have already weighed heavily on our budget, and I can recover these costs with a quicker order processing, so a salary increase is quite possible."
Then find a compromise together that your boss agrees with. Ask him for his suggestions: "What options do you see?" Build verbal bridges that highlight your similarities: "How do we agree on the value of my performance?"
Start with a strong argument, then follow the weaker ones. But hold back at least one strong argument, with which you respond to possible objections: "I am currently planning a new project that will bring great benefits to the company because ..."
Instead of responding only defensively to counter-arguments, it is more appropriate to name and refute arguments that you expect from your supervisor. "They will say that the company can not afford to pay me more.
However, according to my calculations, this can be offset by the added value I bring to the business. "However, there is a risk that you will wake up sleeping dogs and bring the boss to new counter-arguments.
Metaphors and comparisons
Use metaphors and comparisons to convince the supervisor, because pictures appeal to the feelings and are immediately understood. Use metaphors from areas where your boss knows and empathizes. Your boss likes to golf? "With this project I was able to achieve a hole-in-one". He is a passionate mountaineer? "With the motivation of this additional fee we could reach the summit together."
In some companies, certain metaphors are in demand, such as "reach the ball height", "innovate" or "better positioned". Include even small stories in your argument that touch the personal interests of the boss and create positive associations: "Do you remember the exhilaration that has inspired us all in the World Cup ..." Your boss likes to golf? Argue with appropriate metaphors!
Checklist: How to respond to your boss's typical objections
Your boss will have many objections why he does not want to pay a few euros more. Here are some possible reactions for you:
- Your boss says, "Why should I just give you a raise? You have not been in the company / in your position for very long. "You list again your most important performance arguments.
- Her boss says: "Today you wanted more salary and tomorrow all your colleagues are sitting here." They say: "I think my situation has to be looked at individually, you can not transfer that to another colleague. Besides, of course, I will not tell anyone about our agreement. In this respect, nothing stands in the way of our conversation. "
- Her boss says: "I can offer you the highest ... €. Unfortunately, more is absolutely not possible. "Then, first make your point clear:" I would not be satisfied with that. "But then you show up on the offer. Ready for compromise:" But I think we can still find a solution. Here's an overview of possible salary alternatives ... "
- Her boss says, "I'm sorry, we have to save. You know our economic situation "They argue:" I know that, yes. But with my many ideas, I successfully contributed to the company's success last year. Should not that be rewarded? "
- Her boss says: "At the moment it looks bad. Better ask for it again next year. "They can not be dispelled:" I've been asking you to raise your salary for some time, but I've waited until I've successfully completed Project X. I do not want to wait any longer. "
- Her boss says, "Such a salary is not common in the industry!" They reply, "But I got information from the professional association that shows that my salary is at the lower end of what is common in the industry."
- Her boss says: "I'm sorry, unfortunately I can not pay you in this position." They persist: "When and under what specific conditions would the next promotion be possible for me?" Or: "Then I would like to ask you to work with me to find a way to expand my role accordingly. I already have some ideas for that .. "
You're worth it!
Be aware of your value - you define the point where you are satisfied. Do not be afraid to say clearly what you are worth. And: Valuable employees are reluctant to leave the company, so they will try to find compromises.
If your boss does not agree, ask him for another, specific appointment for a follow-up interview: "If I'm going to do my planned project, when would you meet me? When exactly can we have a second conversation on this topic? "Stay calm and make no hasty decisions, such as a notice: Mr. D. first impulse after the rejection of his desire is:" I quit and make myself independent "But after more mature Considering he still sees a future in this company. However, he wants to achieve a transfer to another department because sees the problem in the person of his boss.
Checklist: Your short protocol after the call
After the conversation, keep a brief record of what came out. Remind your boss with the agreement. If your request has been rejected, the protocol will help you to reflect on what you might do better next time. Create a short log. Write down:
- What could you do with what you set out to do?
- Does your boss at least agree that you do a lot for the company?
- What arguments have you advanced, which have not?
- When should you have reacted differently?
- What can you be particularly proud of?
How to respond to demands and criticism of your boss
But do not go straight out of the worst: "What does he want now?", Mr. D. groans as his boss calls him to him. The conversation last week is still in his bones: He had made a mistake.
Do not be offended
The boss was angry and quite unfair: "Apparently they are completely incompetent. In the future you will work around the clock until everything is fine again! "" I'll do what I can. But how about if you would give more specific instructions in the future "Mr. D. had snapped and made three mistakes: He showed the boss that he was insulted and attacked, justified and attacked the boss immediately.
Oh boss, what is coming now?
It can also be done differently: make sure you can handle others well, but also be able to parry unfair criticisms and taunts. You can also apply many of these to the boss. Nevertheless, a little more tactical restraint is appropriate: Too much impudence can cost the job. Better: Understand even in difficult situations sovereign your skills.
Accept does not mean understanding
Basically: You do not have to accept all the reactions of your boss, eg you are not completely incompetent because your boss insults you so much. But try to understand why he reacts like that - because you've made a mistake and he got in trouble. From this factual level, you will find together a solution to the problem.
Show criticism by serenity
When your boss criticizes you, nothing seems as sovereign as serenity. If you keep your nerves down, if you attack them unfairly, such as, "Your argument makes no sense whatsoever," it shows, "I am capable, I have everything under control." For example, with this self-confident answer: "That you see, in reality this is a very meaningful argument. "Serenity convinces every boss. The good: you can train them.
As you also think clearly and logically in case of trouble with the boss
Pay attention to how you react when you have an unpleasant conversation with the boss. Go through everything again in the head: What went well, what not? When were you sovereign, where could you have reacted better?
You will notice: There are situations in which you are automatically annoyed. For example, if your boss generalizes individual mistakes ("you always do it all wrong!"), Makes your skills ridiculous ("what did you have to say"), gesticulates, talks fast or loud, and much more. Always remember: even if it did not go that way - next time it will be better!
Stay cool! Wrong: Mr. D., called to the boss, immediately thinks of further criticism and is loaded accordingly at the beginning of the conversation. Right: First of all, start with the positive - and from what you know. Do not interprete anything in utterances that was not said. Maybe the conversation has a positive reason?
Build a positive attitude towards your boss: He is only human. Even if he has a different opinion than you, that's fine. But you too are perfectly fine and make your workforce available to the company. And you need each other.
Checklist: reduce stress
When you get angry, your body releases adrenaline that can interfere with the logical mind. If you reduce it in time, stay calm.
- Move. Very easily. Take the elevator instead of the stairs, go for a lunch break. In the process, excess adrenaline is self-degraded and at the same time it becomes powerful again.
- If you notice a conversation escalating: Cancel it and make a new appointment.
- If you want to gain time: Apply a suitable codeword.
- The abdominal breathing is a simple breathing technique that calms your pulse, the oxygen supply helps you to think clearly. Repeat the following exercises until you automatically breathe with your stomach:
- Take a deep breath and let the shoulders fall deliberately as you exhale. Relax pines and face
- Take a deep breath and slowly count to four. Pause for a moment.
- Exhale again, counting at the same speed as before until seven. Pause for a moment.
Detect triggering mechanisms
Recognize which buttons you need to press in order for you to blow up and intercept these mechanisms. Grasp rationally that the boss presses your trigger button. Find a personal codeword that you then say to yourself to get away, such as "stop" or "cool." Or associate a picture, such as a stop sign. Now force yourself to consciously listen to the factual information in the utterance and simply ignore the attack.
For example, the boss complains to Mr. D., "When is the report finally ready?" Normally, Mr. D. would now react irritably to the trigger "unfriendly tone". Mr. D. has practiced, however, only to perceive the factual information: his boss is even in stress and he should help him by hurrying.
Checklist: Answer sourverän and friendly!
Often the body warns you that you will soon be annoyed or stressed - as is individually different: For example, by tensions, restlessness, sweating, shortness of breath, pain, a dull feeling in the stomach - or your inner voice. Be aware of it, because these signals help you to get away in time. To make criticism categorically correct without justifying itself:
- Whatever the boss reproaches you with, listen to it and send back the content of the opposite of the accusation as a statement: "Their way of working is not at all economical." - "You see that way, my way of working is absolutely economical."
- Important: A stable eye contact. Particularly effective: emphasize the end of the statement again relish the name of your boss: "How do you want to lead a working group, if you can not organize überhaut!" - "You are wrong, I can organize very well and my work group appreciates these skills also very, Mr. V. "
- You simply pry out the statement and show your great self-confidence - that brings you respect, for example: "This assignment is very complex. If you're a realist, you have to admit that you're not up to it. "-" That may be your truth, but it's not true. I'm very comfortable with that! "
- Find your own statements. Introduce this with: "No wrong .... "; "You are wrong ...."; "This is your opinion ..." or "You can see that ..." Behind it you put the statement, since the sentence beginnings without further supplement only half effect.
- If you have a safe position, you can also respond with sharper sentence beginnings: "No, that is of course completely wrong ...."; "You are completely wrong ..."; "That may be your isolated opinion ..." or "That's just what you see ..."
Say no: Respond properly to performance requirements of the boss
Mr. D. feels overwhelmed: His boss expects above average work, but Mr. D. is already working at the limit of his capacity - he would like to swallow everything until the next salary conversation, to make a good impression.
The boss will realize at some point, what he has on him. But this attitude is fundamentally wrong: Fewest bosses recognize by themselves, when the employees are overloaded and burden them more and more. Mr. D. is becoming increasingly dissatisfied and nervous and urgently needs to set healthy limits.
If you do not say "no" ...
Always saying "yes" is not just good-naturedness or indifference. Those who can not say "no" internally say "no" to themselves because they deny their own needs. Therefore train your "No" purposefully. If you never say no, you will eventually feel overwhelmed!
Better: Say "no" in time, calmly and clearly, without becoming hurtful if the requirements of the boss are too much for you. This brings you respect because you have asserted yourself and prevents you from getting personal problems all the way to burn-outs in the long run. Of course it does not make sense to reject all your boss's demands - that would certainly be detrimental to your career. But if you can not help it, you have to be consistent, otherwise you will miss out on it yourself.
Checklist: When is a "no" appropriate?
You do not need to feel like your hands are tied: Dare. Say no!
- if you can not finish the tasks in time.
- if you already know before that you can not reach the set goals.
- if you do not find the right framework conditions for a project and you therefore fear a failure.
- if you fear negative consequences for the company or department.
- if you have significantly more overtime or Saturday work than your colleagues.
- if your privacy suffers as a healthy compensation to the job hard under work.
Checklist: How to deal with your fears of saying no:
Saying "no" consistently can be a real test of courage for some people. But this is absolutely necessary for you to live happier yourself. This is how you cope with your fears. First, understand why you are afraid. Because they:
- do not want to be rejected by the boss
- fear possible negative consequences
- Prove your performance at the boss and do not want to count as a failure
- Do not want to stand in front of your colleagues as an egoist
- want to feel needed and afraid to be superfluous
Be aware: Many bosses use these fears and try to get employees to say yes by means of light manipulation, such as pressure, defense of a guilty conscience, rip-off or flattery. Do not let yourself be tampered with and stay consistent and, if necessary, quick to act.
Checklist: Work on your fears
Work on your fears. Be quite realistic: What consequences do you have to expect? Are the negative consequences really as bad as you fear?
- If the consequences are really so negative: Can you bear the consequences of a "no" or not?
- Make a cost-benefit calculation: What are the disadvantages of saying no? What are the benefits of saying no? Is it worth it to say "yes" permanently, just to be liked by the boss? Understand the longer-term consequences of saying yes!
- The spiral of thought is often worse: most of the time a boss does not respond so unfriendly to a "no", as many employees fear.
- If you make clear statements from the outset, you will show yourself to be a reliable employee who knows his own limits. You sharpen your profile in the company and gain self-esteem. However, some rhetorical skill is also required so that the rejection does not sound too harsh.
Clear information leads to positive reactions
Many people appreciate clear information that they can use to orient themselves. Because that shows your self-assurance and consistency. Better refuse in time than to be kicked off behind!
Wrong, however, is Mr. D.'s behavior. He tries to meet all requirements and expresses his reservations not clear: "Actually, I have no more time ... but of course, that's still .." Soon he can do nothing but neat, misses appointments and finally has work because he can not do it.
He reproaches his boss for this: "You can not organize at all, otherwise you would have relieved me of my work." His boss is now really angry: "If you had said immediately that you do not succeed, Mr. D. , I could have planned differently. Due to your sloppiness, an important project is now in default! "
Checklist: How to say "no" correctly.
The sound makes the music. When they feel pressured or overwhelmed, many people tend to say "no" in an overly strong and rude way. Right: Always stay courteous and pack your "no" sent:
- Show your boss's concern: your "no" is more acceptable if you honor your boss's motivation and at the same time formulate your "no": "I can very well understand that you need the information for the interview tomorrow, but me can not help you today. You should have told me this yesterday. "
- Justify your "no" so that your boss understands you better. Attention: Do not justify yourself, but make clear your personal reasons: "With this budget, I can not successfully carry out the project."
- Stay with the "no", but offer your boss an alternative, what you can do in this case: "I still have an idea ..." or "Today I want to go on time, but I'll do it tomorrow morning and it's done when you come to the office. "Even small concessions can be helpful.
- If you are not sure whether to say "yes" or "no", take a moment to think. to weigh the pros and cons of the further procedure. This will give you more clarity and arguments: "I'll let you know tomorrow ..."
- If the boss keeps coming up with small tasks that he can do faster and better himself, you can offer him help for self-help: "I would like to go through the filing system with you so that you can find the documents in the future, too I'm not there. "or" I like to explain this computer problem to you, you'll see, you can always solve it yourself. "
When the boss lets his power play
Without a doubt: Your boss has power, because he has influence on your earnings, your development opportunities and your work. Power in itself is not negative - your boss has a lot of responsibility. But it is bad for supervisors to use their power to enforce their wishes, for example by threatening to give notice, termination, transfer or denial.
Why some bosses are like that
Fewest bosses are by nature evil. When a supervisor lets his power play, it's mostly because he does not know anymore. And threatening is just faster than discussing.
Mr. D. hears from his boss: "I already told you last week that you have to work harder. If you do not finally do that, you can forget your promotion. This is a service statement. Take this seriously! "Mr. D. is speechless and angry. But if such an offensive threat is expressed, it is initially wiser to give in, because you pull in any case the short straw. However, you should not give in in all cases, otherwise you will not be faithful and will eventually no longer taken seriously. And: sometimes humility gestures are useful - but not always!
Checklist: Do not be afraid of the boss
The following questions help to visualize the "intention" behind the fear and to reduce it somewhat.
- Why am I really scared? What does my fear protect me from? What is the purpose of my fear?
- What can happen in the worst case if I react the way I want? How do I deal with it? Is this worst case really that bad?
- Were there situations where I was not afraid of my boss? What was different there?
- What would the conversation with my boss look like if I were not afraid anymore?
- What would be the consequences if I was not afraid in the conversation?
- Can I live with these consequences?
Determine where the limits are for the boss's power and stick to it. Mr. D., for example, is ready to work longer in the evening. But by no means does he want to come to the company on the weekend. "I wish a promotion, but not at any price! "Is his answer.
Determine where the boundaries are
The power of the boss is finally. How powerful a boss is always depends on how much power you grant him, because that's what he defines his power for!
Refuse to play the power game. Be independent of the power of your boss. Important: Do not climb on threats. Try to constructively continue the conversation by compromise with factual arguments. Of course, you must also be prepared to bear the consequences, because only then are you truly independent.
Do not play with me
Mr. D.'s boss threatens to terminate. Mr D.'s reply "Although I appreciate my work very much, if I could not help it, I would leave the company too." By doing so, he neutralizes the power of his superior and can now communicate again on a cooperative level. He further signals his willingness to compromise: "So that it does not come to that, I would like to come here with you to a constructive solution. So I suggest you work longer during the week, but I'd like to have the weekends off. "Do not play the game!
Show willingness to compromise in negotiations through questioning techniques
Ask an open question: "What do you suggest?", "What rules apply here?" Or "What do you think is a good compromise?" This signals a genuine interest in an objective agreement.
Power games as a topic of conversation
Another way to get out: Make the power game a topic of conversation: "We should stop arguing emotionally and re-engage on a factual level"; "Do we want to treat each other like this?" Or "I do not find it helpful at the moment, if we only think about an all-or-nothing alternative, let's talk again. I would like to discuss this topic constructively with you. "
Confess to your feelings, wishes and observations and honestly pronounce them: "I feel very pressured by you", "I am quite dissatisfied with the fact that I have to perform this task now under time pressure";
"I would like more help with this project from you" or "I'm a little confused by your criticism and can not do my job in peace." Do you consciously speak in the ego form, do not hide behind an impersonal " man "or" we "- that seems more credible. False: messages such as "but you are unobjective!" Are accusatory and trigger resistance and barriers that interfere with the conversation.
To practice criticism of your boss
If you do not like the behavior of your boss, you should address this: If you always swallow criticism, you will be permanently dissatisfied or "burst" at some point.
Checklist: Rules for criticism of the boss
But very few bosses are so self-confident with their leadership role that criticism would be a matter of course for them. For your criticism of the boss therefore very special rules apply:
- See the discussion as a change proposal: The goal of the conversation should be a measure or concrete agreement. Speak openly about what you want, what solution you want to achieve and what you want to achieve. It shows that you are constructive and do not just want to get rid of frustration. "I would like to change the communication processes in my department so that we can work more customer-oriented. This requires that ... "
- Be gentle, careful and kind, but say your opinion clearly and directly. Avoid plasticisers ("I actually wanted to"). Stay factual: "I think that ..."
- Criticize the behavior or the thing and not the person of your supervisor: "In this case, you expected something impossible from me." Avoid all-inclusive phrases like, "You always expect too much from me!", Because that causes resistance
- Give specific situations and examples: "In the current project, I do not have specific appointments, so I can not make realistic planning." The more concrete, the better!
- Never criticize your supervisor in the presence of third parties. The criticism then works much stronger and he can quickly get the impression that it is a "conspiracy". For some bosses, this is even lese majeste and you get to feel the consequences.
- Identify the consequences your boss's negative behavior has for you personally. Tell us what the consequences are for your work and what causes them to be emotionally charged: "I can not do my job in peace, if you transfer a new task to me every hour."
- Ask your supervisor for help instead of attacking him: "I need your support for this important project."
- Avoid comparisons with other supervisors, as they can be offensive: "My former employer was much more sovereign in such a case."
- Include positive behaviors or the things you value. This creates a good atmosphere. Addressing things that work well directs the conversation in a positive direction.
Friendliness prevails. In psychology, the mechanism behind this is called cognitive dissonance: with a charming smile you confuse the aggressive supervisor because he expects a different, equally aggressive reaction.
He wants to close this gap reflexively and comes to meet you. Apart from that, sovereign friendliness is also contagious, because your boss will barely manage to return your open smile with threats.
Confuse the aggressive boss
If your boss lets his boss play his power very aggressively, he probably wants to get you upset and make us vulnerable. So confess insults and outrageous attacks quite confidently and thwart his plans calmly:
"Please stop insulting me, because we want to come to a factual agreement." A little sharper: Show your boss that you have seen through him, then he feels caught and is embarrassed: "You constantly stumble into me Word, obviously my arguments are so good that you do not want to hear them. "
- Do brief, concise and understandable statements
- Pay attention to your boss on a straight, upright posture and a quiet stand
- Keep an open eye contact
- Strive for friendly facial expressions and gestures
- Speak at a reasonable volume
- Do not use verbal softeners like "actually" or "maybe" - that's unsafe.
- Avoid subjunctive, say: "I would like to" instead of "I would like to".
- Do not fidget around talking to your boss and do not touch yourself - it makes you nervous.
- Do not stutter or behave in a monotone way - this betrays that you do not know what to say or have practiced.
- Do not phrase your statement in a questioning tone. Better: A self-confident statement in which the Stimma goes down at the end of the sentence.
Please do not hit back
Not recommended: Rejecting with threats, such as "If you treat me like this, I'm going to the competition." Even if you have some power because you're working on a project that's especially important to the company, virtually non-terminable or special knowledge and skills Skills, you endanger your position or at least the relationship with your boss with a direct confrontation.
If you really get stuck in the conversation: Look for allies, such as the works council or boss's boss. A combative conflict may be only the last resort, because it always draws a short straw! But: do not become aggressive. Better: Imagine the boss in underpants! This helps to reduce aggression.
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Consultant packages: You want to increase your reach or address applicants as an employer? For these and other topics we offer special Consultant packages (overview) - For example, a personal phone call (price is per hour).