From the author:
Beware of the hot plate!
"Watch out, do not believe it, the hot plate is hot!" To prevent the little child from having a painful experience. The sentence "When you go across the street, you have to look first to the left, then to the right and then to the left" helps to get safely across the street.
Parents decide in the first years of a child what is right or wrong, which is good or evil. They describe how things have to be done and how not. They determine what children have to do and what they can not and what not.
When children take the presets
And the child takes up this mental framework to find his way around the world of the big ones. The faster it adopts the rules and requirements of the parents, the faster the parents can be convinced that the child can now act independently in the world, it has indeed taken over the parental requirements.
Unfortunately, not all the rules, rules and hints of the parents support the children in their development, however well they may be meant.
What children really listen to
There are a few children who are told with a certain intention of great people, but show a completely different effect in small people. What do children like, for example?
- "Do not touch this, otherwise it will break."
- "Yes, you are tired."
- "Pull yourself together, boys do not cry."
- "Hurry up, you're plagiarizing our time again."
- "Surely you can do that much better."
- "You do not do something like that!"
- "Try harder!"
- "Do not do things by halves."
- "Always do your best."
- "You are exactly like your father / mother / grandpa / etc."
- "If you keep this up, you'll never get it."
Well meant is not good
Some of these sentences seem well-meant, others only thoughtless. However, the statement that arrives at the child often differs significantly from what was actually said. The sentence "Do not touch this, or it will break!" Can, if it has been heard often enough, be understood as "I am awkward and always break everything".
The constant call to pull together may teach the child that it is much more desirable to maintain control and not allow feelings. And means "Do not do things by halves and strain yourself more!" Maybe also that mistakes are unwanted or everything always has to be perfect?
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