When others rate and judge us
What distinguishes feedback and criticism: In short, the inner attitude. Criticism is characterized by someone evaluating and judging another. It has something objectionable, complaining, or even blame.
The critic takes for himself to know how something has to be. He is right, the other wrong, because he makes it wrong. The change process is more imposing than the one that he takes the other.
The imposed change process
The instruction has an ordered character. "You do it now!" Again, it is a forced change process that does not necessarily pick up the other.
In the feedback, one meets the other on the same level with respect. Through concrete examples and constructive suggestions for change, a voluntary process of change is carried out, which is supported by insight.
Guiding principles for feedback providers
Of course, you give your feedback promptly, as long as the impressions are still fresh. Do not warm up old chestnuts. But please only when (again) in a constructive attitude towards the recipient. Depending on the occasion, the good old rule of "sleeping one night over it" can be very useful.
Always give concrete feedback
Describe a concrete behavior or event that disturbed you instead of criticizing the person. Provide feedback on behaviors that interfere with collaboration or lead to erroneous work results. But do not attack the human being.
Feedback - good and personal justification
Talk about the impact your behavior has on you personally: "It bothered me!" Or justify your feedback by specifically articulating your fears for possible consequences.
"I'm afraid we'll lose the customer if ..." You can break a lot if you give the opinion of others. "And the others say that too!"
Always improve the situation
Suggest behaviors that, in your view, improve the situation or outcomes. According to a study of the University of Osnabrück, this is one of the Success Factors for successful feedback.
Not only to say how you do not want it, but also to say what you would like to have and which behavior you would be happy with. This makes the receiver much easier.
Why feedback can fail
Here are a few reasons why feedback may be terrible:
- The feedback is too indirect. Chef: "Thomas, I do not think so well. The project has to run better in the future. You need to optimize your skills! "Thomas:" ??? "Did you know now what happened? And what you should change concretely? So feedback has no effect.
- The feedback is a monologue, not a dialogue. Often, managers talk too much in feedback situations because they are uncomfortable or because they do not want to hear a response, let alone justification. That is understandable, but not very helpful. Because the interlocutor must get the chance to present his view of things. Only then does your feedback have the chance to be implemented.
- The feedback contains the word "... but". A big stumbling block for successful feedback is the word "but". "You do that and really good! And I like you very much ... BUT! This is a conversation killer! With it you lose your listener. He will forget everything that came before the word BUT. And in the future always wince when you praise something, because he is waiting for the thick end to come.
- The feedback is built up. Provide continuous feedback, then it is small for all well digestible portions and it does not come to steam cooker explosions.
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