Dealing with feedback and criticism: Attack on the personality

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Reprint: This text is from the book "Überzeugend leise!: Wie stille Menschen ihre Stärken wirkungsvoll nutzen (2014)""Feedback: Nur was erreicht, kann auch bewegen (2015)" by Chris Wolf, Heinz Jiranek, published at BusinessVillage Verlag, and was left to us for reprint.
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Criticism is so important: "You have to Feedback ehrfürchtig annehmen, zumindest muss es so aussehen. Also halte einfach den Mund und blicke ergriffen.” Oder wie sieht der ideale, konstruktive Umgang mit Feedback aus?

Handling feedback and criticism: attacking the personality feedback

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Here writes for you: Chris Wolf Graduate in psychology and book author. Profile

From the author:

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Here writes for you: Heinz Jiranek, psychologist and coach. Profile

Humble and grateful?


Awesome to accept and look taken - so you can summarize the common idea of ​​the proper handling of feedback. This is also how you learn it in a seminar - that's what the vaunted feedback rules want. You have to be humbly grateful and say nothing!

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This is all the more true the larger the hierarchical distance to the feedback provider. If the boss gives a feedback, then you should be better still and grateful nod. Only - is this a useful attitude? And if no, is there another, better way?

Feedback and Hierachie


It exists, but it requires some effort. We claim that accepting feedback is central not only to communication but to the functioning of Company is. Thus, it must be counted among the core competences for managers and employees.

Our approach of resonance feedback looks at the process of transmitting feedback and also provides pragmatic approaches to accepting feedback. However, they do not match a high-gloss item with a low-number of simple rules.

This is primarily about feedbacks in hierarchical contexts in which different dominance relationships play a role and provide the feedback with appropriate punch that always sets in the speech from top to bottom. By analogy, however, the considerations are transferable to all areas of feedback "life".

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Three perspectives: "One knows, from whom it comes!"


Basically, there are three different perspectives from which one can look at a feedback:

  1. What does the feedback say about yourself, the feedback taker? What is going on in him / her? (eg "Oh no, I knew that he, the feedback provider, realizes that I can not do all that!) I'm the wrong cast for the job!")
  2. What does it say about the feedback provider? (eg "Well, if that says that ... then you know, from whom it comes!" or: "Aha, now I know what's important to him.")
  3. And what is the content of the feedback?

Ultimately, the consideration of all aspects is useful, whereby the content can only be used if the two other perspectives are adequately considered.

What is resonance feedback?


However, this is only possible if one is also aware of the other two focuses and sorts his perceptions and makes decisions here. Work is actually required here: thinking and emotion work. Incidentally, this applies to feedback with positive content as well as feedback with negative content.

We gave our approach the name resonance feedback. Because successful feedback processes are borne by great attention to everything that resonates. Because the first reaction to feedback is in many cases, defense and offense. However, it is important to find the potential hurt inherent in any feedback.

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Attack on the personality


By that we mean the painful look or "attack" on the holy of holies of the personality, on what makes us. If feedback does not fit our self-image, then reflection is underway. Often our self-image is perceived as "threatened!", Protected and reflexively defended.

I imagine that - in analogy to the immune system - so that the foreign body "offense" and sometimes even a "feedback" must be herauslesert! That which comes from outside must simply not be true, otherwise I would not be ego but a mosaic of foreign definitions.

Simply devalue the feedback?


That is why I am pissed and hoped that the acid can decompose the foreign, the coming from the outside, as something that does not belong to me. This can be achieved, for example, by not looking at the content, but simply devaluing the feedback.

In order to preserve one's own identity, we justify ourselves, that is, we make the right ourselves, and thus we legitimize our actions. Thus we protect our ego, the foundation of the personality.

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Contradiction reflex and argument


In short, to be hurt and to feel resistance when something does not suit me (= something does not suit me = it represents a foreign body), that is a normal and completely healthy psychic process. Because the insult protects by pointing the cause outward - to the cause of the insult.

To ourselves, we then say: "But he is so mistaken!", "His feedback goes completely past the reality!", "She should first sweep at her own door!", "What she says there, me yes not fair. Others see it differently! "," I do not have to listen anymore! "

No direct resistance!


Admittedly, we exaggerate, and it will not always be so. But it would be strange if that was not the case, and we ourselves would be able to ward off critical feedback, secretly and internally. This tendency to contradiction, to resistance, to defense is almost reflexive, and thus too often unreflected.

Only when one attentively becomes aware of this internal resonance, one is able to resist the urge to contradict oneself.

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Listen, if it hurts


Only when you acknowledge as a feedback recipient that you do not have to be well with feedback until you understand that the so-called constructive feedback is usually constructive for the one who exists, but not necessarily for the one who gets it then you can listen, though it may hurt.

As a feedback, one should be concerned and one can also speak, if one receives a feedback. Only the direct resistance, which we consider to be non-objective.

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  1. Terese Bontempo

    Something does not work with the commentary, I had to start several times over.

  2. Thomas

    There is a much better kind of "criticism": positive feedback. With simple profane criticism you only achieve one thing: injury, rejection and distancing. Because nobody / nobody likes to get a simple rough criticism thrown at the head. Nobody! Therefore, the one who has to criticize something has to work hard, not the one who receives it. "Use the so-called" sandwich technique ", that is, positive start, negative aspect in the middle of the feedback and finally something positive." That's how it works!

    This is how it works:

    • Simone Janson

      Thanks for your great advice.

  3. Anne M. Schüller

    RT @SimoneJanson: Handling feedback - 1 / 3: Swallow or use? - - Exciting contributionzyE4gJEBB6

  4. Competencepartner

    How to handle feedback - 1 / 3: Swallow or use ?: "You have to accept feedback awfully, to ... - Exciting contributionQClqDAESij #Professional # Education

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