Convenience factor envy: foxes, grapes and other excuses instead of change

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People are very creative in making excuses: for example, by recognizing that their own horse is dead and that it is generally possible to actively seek a more lively horse. With a tiny limitation: Of course, this only applies to other people!

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Here writes for you:


Tom Diesbrock 84Tom Diesbrock is a psychologist, consultant, team developer and book author.


From the author:




Like the fox with the grapes

But it could be so simple: If I can not look past the fact that others are really satisfied with their profession, I could take them as a model and try to achieve the same for me. In practice this looks like this:

“I understand that my job is being phased out. I also accept the fact that people can create job models that are fun and maybe even fulfilling. But that has nothing to do with me at all, because I definitely don’t have these opportunities! ”

No, I do not get this sundae!

When I see someone with a delicious sundae, it is obvious to look around where the next ice cream parlor is. Why should I not sell ice there? But here, too, there is a way out to avoid possible changes:

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I simply explain to myself and others that my starting point is a much worse one. Others may find their dream job - but they are certainly more creative, brave, younger, financially independent, better educated, stronger, more intelligent, more educated, ... than I am. Or they have no responsibility or a profession in which this is possible. Not me!

The classic with age

I often experience people who protect themselves in this way from becoming active. In most cases, they first try to deny the possibility of professional reorientation in general.

A classic: "At my age, this is no longer possible." If I answer with examples from similar old people who have succeeded in doing so, then it comes: "Yes, but it is something completely different with him."

Creative self-exemption

Many people invest a lot of energy and creativity to find arguments for their self-acceptance. If they were thus looking for opportunities for a reorientation, they would certainly be a long way further.

The “benefit” of this strategy lies in the fact that I personally invalidate and invalidate every example, no matter how good, for myself. And I am stabilizing a self-image that could be described very briefly with: "I am not enough."

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Welcome to the Devil's Circle

Like every avoidance behavior, this strategy has the tendency to self-confirm and stabilize itself: If I always persuade myself to have fewer chances than others and therefore do not change my situation, the result can only be: everything remains , how it is.

And this confirms to me that I seem to be right when I have so little confidence in myself. “I'm still sitting on my dead horse? It proves that there is nothing more lively for me. ” Welcome to the vicious cycle!

No pure question of faith

Please do not misunderstand me: Whether we successfully change our career or not, lies in my eyes many factors and not only on a positive self-image!

There are so many prophets of positive thinking who want to make us believe that every person can achieve any goal - he just wants it strong enough. I consider this dangerous nonsense because it reduces something very complex to a simple question of faith.

Not all have the same opportunities - but ...

I do not think the world offers equal opportunities for us all. For example, a fifteen-year-old has significantly better chances of becoming an astronaut in this life than a person like me in the food center.

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But even if we all had the same optimal starting conditions and abilities, our professional success would probably be very different as long as our self-image is different.

No pure question of faith!

Belief in one's own possibilities is a very important one success! If one looks at the biographies of successful people, one realizes that their starting conditions were not necessarily optimal. But almost always they showed a high level of enthusiasm and optimism and had a clear goal in mind.

If I believe that I am not at all front in all respects, that my profile has weaknesses and deficits, this may not be just imagination. There will always be people who are ahead of me in some aspects. OK.

The self-image is distorted

But that I can not achieve what others have created, does not really sound convincing. If I observe that I think very flatly and black-and-white about myself and my possibilities, and I seem to have always the bad cards, my perception must be distorted, right?

Unfortunately, we recognize much more easily with other people than with ourselves, when they talk about themselves and their possibilities. Do you sometimes think that you can never create as much professional fulfillment as other people from your circle of acquaintances?

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