From the author:
Help, a communication gradient
Mrs. Beermann came to me, because she found the working relationship with her longtime supervisor very problematic and stressful and wanted to find out for herself whether she was in Company stay or rather quit.
When we began to analyze the communication between Mrs Beermann and her superiors, I noticed that there seemed to be a considerable difference between the two.
Reacting like a toddler?
Ms Beermann described the communication style of her superiors as arrogant and effeminate. At the same time, their reaction seemed to me to be like a child's.
And these childish responses - from my perception - were presented in two different versions.
Between defensive and anger
Depending on the context and the current form of the two women, Ms. Beermann took either the position of a defensive or the position of an aggressive child.
In the one part, she felt herself helpless, helpless, and totally overwhelmed, in the other she could hardly restrain the anger, and in an extreme case also become insulting and unsuitable.
When adults return to childhood
Both strategies seemed rather unfavorable for the working world - to put it mildly. It was not until Mrs. Beermann became aware that the problem might not have been with her superiors, but with her own, less adult reactions, that the way was clear for decisive change.
Perhaps you also know situations in which adult human beings return to their own childhood within a very short period of time.
From child-I to adult-I
As with Mrs. Beermann and her superiors. The two had established a sophisticated communication game between themselves. Whenever the supervisor said something to Mrs. Beermann, what was perceived by him as communication from the "parent-ego", she completed the game by taking on the role of the "child-ego".
Who started the game from both was subordinate, because when Mrs. Beermann learned, instead of out of the "child-ego" out of an "adult-self" to communicate with her superiors, the working relationship improved significantly.
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