Reactions are unconsciously registered
We react with these muscles to external or internal stimuli. Often, these irritating reactions only flit across our facial features for a fraction of a second. Nevertheless, she unconsciously registers our counterpart - and therefore all the more sustainable!
The eyes play a central role in the language of the face. It is not for nothing that one speaks of "the windows to the soul". They reflect our feelings quite clearly. Although I can conjure a smile consciously on my mouth, but whether this smile also reaches my eyes, is questionable.
A sincere smile
A sincere smile is always reflected in the eyes. The pupils open and allow the light - and the message of the interlocutor - to penetrate our senses. A really open posture shows up in the enlarged pupils. They unconsciously awaken trust in others.
However, if the pupils only contract slightly, we close ourselves to what is going to affect us. We close off too much light, but also too much emotion. This effect is often underlined by a more or less strong contraction of the muscles around the eye - a typical sign of defense, of internal resistance.
The "welcome look"
The eyes are one of our most important communication tools. A welcome without eye contact is not a good introduction to a conversation. Through the conscious eye contact, we signal to our counterpart that we have perceived it.
Even among strangers who, for example, enter a lift at the same time, a short eye contact is common: "I have perceived you, I am peaceful, I am not afraid of you and you have nothing to fear from me." After a maximum of two seconds the gaze goes away again.
The threatening look?
This is how a typical welcoming ritual runs among strangers - without words. If we were to fix the stranger next to us in the elevator up to the fifth floor with our eyes, he would feel extremely uncomfortable, perhaps even threatened, according to the motto: "What does he want from me?"
In any culture, a degraded look is not a sign of weakness and submission, but rather expresses respect and appreciation. In our western culture we are accustomed to face the other, to seek the confrontation.
Strength or weakness?
Whoever is looking away is considered unsafe, weak and almost defeated. And that is precisely what matters - especially in the professional world: to win and to be defeated. Either me or you. Only the strong survive.
Retention is not interpreted as a virtue, but as a weakness. Self-assured behavior is the top priority. Every aid is right for us. The conscious training of our body language is not so popular at the moment.
If two understand each other well, a good observer also knows from afar without hearing the words. The two are facing each other, their body is relaxed, no one disturbed the conversation by moving.
Like a mirror
The body is similar, almost mirrored, all movements are synchronous. The two are recognizable on a wavelength. Whoever is thus in harmony with the other tends to reflect the attitude of the other.
If the one slightly tilts his head, the other one does so imperceptibly. If one of the two arms is intertwined with the other, the other is not a sign of defense, but perhaps only agreement that the point is somewhat delicate, and that for both. They speak not only with words a common language.
At eye level?
It is different when this harmony is deliberately disturbed. This happens just when suddenly a conversation partner turns to the side, the other side turns to the bone side. The waves bounce off, are thrown back. "I do not accept your message, I'll send it back!"
An important prerequisite for the same wavelength is also the respective speech position of the individual "transmitters". For example, our communication is disturbed by the fact that one person is sitting and the other is standing. If we are not on the same level, the effort for a good discussion climate is much greater.
This barrier can also be deliberately used in conversational situations. Of the ChefWho sits on his "throne" while the visitor has to make do with the "penitential chair" wants to create clear fronts from the beginning.
He is probably not interested in a peer-to-peer. Supervision and subordination must be clearly defined.
The situation is similar with the typical "official talks": One - the "petitioner" - stands in front of the table of the "almighty official" and has to move forward slightly in order to convey his request - not a good start to a conversation!
Criticism from the superior position
On the other hand, it is also easy to argue aggressively from above. If an employee is standing next to a colleague sitting at the desk, he can express his criticism from a superior position in this position.
If the colleague remains seated, and may even retreat before the verbal attack, sinking even further into his chair, the aggressor has gotten the upper water.
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